‘I got a dolla but I need it for eatin’.’
‘You can eat here,’ she promised him. He stepped inside. It didn’t look like a restaurant.
Ten minutes later he came out, leaned a moment against the crib, then proceeded slowly, head down to get past the rest of the doors till he came to the sign with the poor-boy painted on it. But when he looked inside all he saw was one more brassiereless girl opening a coke.
He shuffled on and on, block after block, finding his way toward food more by scent than by sight.
And so at last entered a certain sea-cave acrawl with the living smells of lobster and shrimp, steaming with simmering oyster stew and awash with gumbo in which little snails paddled about. He sat at a table as scarred and aged as the Old French Market itself.
When his eyes had got used to the deep-sea light he discerned a Negro the size of Carnera, naked to the waist and shining with iron-colored sweat, decapitating snapping turtles with silvered precision.
Now the trouble with turtles is that they believe all things come to him who will but struggle. There’s always room at the top for one more, they think. And in this strange faith the snapping kind is of all the most devout. For it’s precisely that that makes them the snapping kind. Though the way be steep and bloody, that doesn’t matter so long as you reach the top of the bleeding heap.
The dark butcher looked to Dove like Doctor Death in person.
Doctor Death whose patients come one by one along an ever-narrowing plank, each confident of ultimate mercy: a last-minute reprieve, with full civilian rights restored – the knife would snap in mid-air, a modern miracle. Death was all right for certain classes, sand turtles and such, but didn’t suit noble old sea-going families of true terrapin lineage.
Losing his head didn’t lose one his footing. His legs kept seeking yet bloodier heights. Say Not The Struggle Naught Availeth, Onward and Upward was the cry.
Indeed, once the knife had done him in, to raise oneself in the world became more urgent than ever. Sensing that time was against him, he worked all the harder to succeed. Till the floor about the pyramid streamed black with blood, with some on their backs and some on their bellies.
Dove felt another’s eyes watching the growing pile: down on the floor beside him a severed terrapin’s head, big as his own hand, stared cataleptically at its own body slipping and flipping up the distant heap. It could be no other’s body, for it alone matched the king-sized head that stared with faith unshakable.
Stepping on the stumps of a hundred bleeding necks, hauling itself over other backs, giving one a kick there and one a shove there, the body sent a dozen rival climbers sprawling over the cliff to failure. Dove and the Head watched together to see if the Body would make it.
Driven by some strength greater than that of others, wading contentedly over mothers and orphans, it got its blind flippers at last onto the tail of a red snapper, hauled itself onto the snapper’s back, pushed Red out from under and landed smack in the middle of the heap.
He was the King of the Turtles.
The king waved his arrogant flippers triumphantly – ‘Always room for one more at the top’ – just as something bumped him hard from behind and his short day was done. Sliding, sprawling, skidding, he slipped off the heap in a bloody skein and landed flat on his back below the table wigwagging frantically.
‘Dear friends and gentle hearts,’ he wigwagged, feeling the final cold creep up – ‘Will you stand by to leave your old friend die? I wanted nothing for myself – money, comfort, power, security – I worked for these only because those dear to me wanted them. (Of course, as long as they were handy I shared them from time to time.) Would you really leave me here to die?
‘True, I ate well. But that was only to keep up my strength for the sacrificial ordeal of my days. For I never knowingly harmed a fellow creature unless he got in my way. I never took unfair advantage unless it profited me. Can you really leave so lovely a turtle to die?
‘A devoted father, a loyal citizen, a faithful employee, a kind employer, a considerate neighbor, a regular church-goer. Out of purity of heart I respected the laws of God and man. Purity, and fear of jail. Could you really stand by and watch so saintly a turtle die?
‘I seemed a bit intent a moment ago, you say, on grinding my brothers’ necks to gristle? I confess – but that was a moment ago, and now I’ve changed my ways. Could you bear to see such an open-minded turtle die?
‘Lift me up, lift me up, gentle hearts – lift me up to let me look one last time at the top of the heap where once I ruled so.’
And with that most slowly drew in his dark tail. His flippers grew rigid. His struggles forever ceased.
The wisest of turtles was dead.
Just as Bing Crosby came onto the juke singing I Aint Got Nobody.
‘What’ll it be, boy?’ the waiter asked.
Dove didn’t hesitate. ‘I’ll take the tarpon soup.’
He didn’t yet know that there was also room for one more at the bottom.
TWO
IN THE CHEERY old summer of ’31 New Orleans offered almost unlimited opportunities to ambitious young men of neat appearance willing to begin at the bottom and work their way up the Ladder of Success rung by rung. Those with better sense began at the top and worked their way down, that route being faster.
In the cheery old summer of ’31 some states were dry and some states were wet. Russ Columbo was singing Please. Al Capone was quoting Mark Twain and someone held women to be equal in aviation to men. A woman refused to answer the questions of a Senate committee and the American Legion claimed that state legislatures were handicapping sales of products turned out by the American working man.
A New York minister discovered that Jerusalem had had a worse administration than Jimmy Walker’s and said he’d rather live under Hoover any day than Hezekiah.
The excesses of that year were due to a backward swing of the moral pendulum, Harry Emerson Fosdick proclaimed, adding that if the saloon were still around it would be even worse. The President pressed a button in Washington that lit a fifty-two million-dollar building, highest yet raised by the hand of man, at Thirty-Fourth Street and Fifth Avenue in New York. Wallace Beery was saying What I Like About a Mama is Plenty of Mama and cotton prices dropped to a new low.
The Ladder of Success had been inverted, the top was the bottom, and the bottom was the top. Leaders of men still sporting gold watches were lugging baby photographs door to door with their soles flapping. Physicians were out selling skin lighteners and ship captains queued in hope of a cabin boy’s mop and pail.
Offices of great fire insurance companies went up in smoke, which seemed no more than just. When the fire department – long unpaid – cleared off, little remained but scorched files, swivel-chairs on which no one would ever swivel again, lovely heaps of frosted glass, and all that mahogany.
All that mahogany that hadn’t helped anybody but brokers after all. Then the brokers began jumping off rooftops with no greater consideration for those passing below than they’d had when their luck was running. Emperors of industry snatched all the loose cash on which they could lay hand and made one fast last run. Lawyers sued one another just to keep in practice.
And every bughouse had one little usurer hidden away in a cell all his own where he did nothing but figure percent with his fingernail on the wall, day after day after day.
In less time than it takes to say God with your mouth open, the go-getting door-to-door canvasser became the backbone of the American economy. He went to work for Realsilk Hose or Hoover Vacuum long enough to go-get himself a dozen pair of Realsilk hose or a second-hand sweeper by stealing it part by part. There was also small change, milk money and such, left lying about on shelves and sills while housewives studied one proposition or another. Change-snatching too came under the head of go-getting, for hundreds subsisted upon it week in and week out.