I decided to stop talking. Eddie was getting angry, and I didn’t want any part of one of his rages.
“I’m going to turn this thing off. I want to do my exercises.”
“Okay. Tell Derek to call in. No. On second thought don’t bother. He always remembers.”
I turned off the radio and did my exercises. After that I meditated, fixing my gaze on the eastern horizon. The sky there was a transparent deep blue with a tinge of green. Farther up—where the blue grew lighter and a bit more green—a point of light shone. A planet. I concentrated on my breathing. In. Out.So. Hum.
Behind me Derek spoke. “Achieving oneness with the universe?”
I twitched, then looked around. He was standing about a meter away. He had come up soundlessly. He grinned. “Do you want any peyote? I brought some down.”
“It seems to me we agreed, no narcotics on the surface of the planet. Unless, of course, they were provided by the natives.”
“First of all, peyote is a hallucinogen. And second, it is necessary for the practice of my religion.”
“The committee agreed with you?”
“Which one? The ship is full of committees.”
I opened my mouth. He raised a hand. “You’re right. I didn’t get permission.”
“What is this? Some kind of infantile rebellion?”
“I get tired of rules. I take it you don’t want any peyote.”
“No.”
“How about sex? I’ve been noticing, you look very good down here. I think it’s something to do with the sunlight. Nothing looks right on the ship. But here.” He waved a hand at the darkening sky.
I thought for a moment. “Okay.”
He sat down next to me, putting an arm around me.
He was, as I had remembered, very good. Not fast. Derek came from a hunting and gathering society. He knew the value of patience and slow, careful work. He knew how to use his hands. He knew what to say and when. Is there any pleasure equal to seeing—or hearing—or feeling—a really good craftsperson at work?
We ended naked in the prickly pseudo-grass. He was on top of me and in me.
Nia said, “What are you doing? Don’t you realize it is the middle of summer? No one mates this time of year.”
Derek said, “Go away, Nia. We’ll explain later.”
“Very well. But you people are strange.”
Derek lifted his head. “She’s gone. Now, where was I?”
I laughed.
Afterward we lay awhile in the vegetation. I felt wonderful. I had been alone too long. How many days? Forty-seven? Forty-eight? I would have to ask Eddie. I had lost count.
Derek got up and started dressing. I followed his example. A meteor fell. We walked to the camp. Nia sat next to the fire, which was dim and had a peculiar aroma. Dung did not burn the same way as wood. She looked up. “Are you through with your mating?”
“Yes.”
“You are perverted.”
“That may be.” Derek sat down.
Nia looked at the fire. “I am unlucky. Everywhere I go, I meet people who do things the wrong way.”
Derek grinned. “What do you mean by that? What is the wrong way? Is it what the old women say is wrong? You told us you did not care about their opinions.”
“That is true. But everyone knows people feel lust in the spring. Only sick people feel lust at any other time.”
“We are not ordinary people, Nia. You must understand that. We are stranger than you can know. But we are not bad. And there is nothing wrong with our health.”
“You make me uneasy. I am going to take a walk.” She got up and limped away. In a minute she was gone, out of sight in the darkness.
I sat down. He frowned. “How upset is she?”
I made the gesture of uncertainty.
“That’s a lot of help.”
We waited up for an hour or so. Nia did not return. At last I went to sleep. I woke at dawn. Nia was close to me, lying down, her cloak around her, snoring softly.
We rose at sunrise and continued west. The weather stayed the same: hot and bright. The land continued rolling. To the north of us was a range of low, round hills. Clouds floated above them.
“That is the land of smoke,” Nia told us. “It is a holy place. The water there bubbles like the water in a cooking pot. Smoke rises out of cracks in the rock.”
“Oh, yes?”
Nia made the gesture of affirmation.
A little past noon Derek stopped. He was on top of a rise. We rode up to him.
“There is someone behind us,” he said.
“A man,” said Nia. “No woman travels alone.” She barked. “No. I do not tell the truth. I have traveled alone. But usually women go together.” She glanced back. “I do not see him. You must have good eyes.”
“Yes.”
Nia shaded her eyes and looked again. “I will believe you. Someone will have to stay awake at night. If the man has decided to come close, he will do it then.”
We kept on. By this time there were clouds all across the sky. They were small and fluffy, arranged in rows. The land was dappled with shadows. Here and there I saw outcroppings of dark rock. Basalt? I wondered. According to the planetologists, the rocks here were virtually identical to those on Earth.
The hills to the north were closer than before. Nia kept glancing at them. “I do not like the land of smoke. There are demons there.”
“Oh.”
In the evening we made camp near the top of a hill, under a huge mass of rock. It was black and rough. Volcanic. Below us was a valley full of bushes. Their leaves were yellowish green. We went down and found dry wood. Nia built a fire. It lit the dark face of the rock and the bodies of my companions: Derek—lean and smooth and brown, Nia—broad and furry.
We ate. Derek stood. “I’ll take the first watch.” He glanced around. “There ought to be a good view up there.” He walked to the rock and began to climb, going up quickly with no hesitation.
Nia watched him. “Can he do everything well?”
“There are times when I think so.”
“You do not like him.”
“Not much.”
“Why not?”
“Because he does everything well. For me nothing is easy. I envy him.”
Nia frowned and looked at the fire. “I had a brother like that. Anasu. He did everything that was expected, and he did it better than most. By this time he is a big man. I am sure of it. He wasn’t the kind to stay in the hills with the young men, with the men like Enshi. By this time he must have a territory close to the village and many women in the season for mating.” Nia scratched her nose. “There was another one. Angai. A friend of mine. She was hard to get along with when she was young. People didn’t like her. But she turned out well. She is the shamaness in my village. She has my children.” She looked up. I was staring right into her orange eyes. “I do not understand what has happened to me. But I know this. It is wrong to feel envy. Hakht did. It burned in her like fire under the ground. It made her into something disgusting. I will not envy other people.” She got up and went to get her cloak. “Now I am going to sleep.”
She lay down. I stayed up. The big moon was visible in the west: high up and half-full, a bright lemon yellow. It lit new clouds. They were large and billowing. A new weather system? I grew drowsy. My mind wandered from subject to subject: envy, then Nia’s brother. What was he like? What was it like to have a brother in her culture? I remembered the junior members of my family. Leon. Clarissa. Charlie. Maia. Mark. Fumiko.
Fumiko was the youngest by far. At the time I left she had been finishing college, getting ready for her wander year or years. I had gone early, at the age of twenty. I’d quit school and gone to the Big Island to cut sugarcane. Then I’d worked my way to Asia on one of the new freighters. I cooked and learned to operate the computer that controlled the sails. That was easy. The computer damn near ran itself. But I nearly went crazy, trying to cook in the tiny galley while everything around me moved.