I grabbed the filthy dress that had been white just yesterday morning and tossed it into the trashcan in the corner of the bathroom, never wanting to see it again. It was a small act of rebellion. I would not let them control my identity or my future.
With a fresh start, I headed into my room and grabbed the pack, digging out my father’s journal. I wanted to know what my father could have written about in such secret. I opened the first page of the journal, seeing his handwriting and immediately felt a rush of nausea spread through me. I hadn’t seen my father in more than ten years and here was his writing. It saddened me that I hadn’t found his journal. I was grateful Joshua had given it to me, but I still found it hard to come to terms with. Quietly, I read the pages, trying to understand what my father had felt, what he experienced.
Yesterday, I met my wife for the first time. I should be overzealous with joy at her beauty, but all I can do is despise the government for deciding we must be together. This is not the life I want or wish for. Children should not be won, but born from love. Tomorrow I will begin my new job. I’ve already gotten wind that I will be a writer for ‘The Genesis Times’. Little do they know I was once a rebel journalist. I have not and will not ever give up what we fight for. Our country was born on certain liberties. The men and women of our newfound land have no knowledge of such things. The victors wrote our so-called history, these lies told to the children of our society. I know my time will be limited, but I must fight for the resistance. I must make a difference. Leaving is not an option. Not now, not yet until change has been made.
My eyes read over his words, and I paused, realizing he must have been eighteen when he made his first journal entry, when he had accepted the marriage ceremony as I had yesterday. I always thought my parents cared for one another, even if the government had decided upon their union. Love, though, was a word hardly ever spoken in Genesis. I turned the page, reading another entry from a few years later. I wondered what had happened in that time to make him stop writing. Had he worried about getting caught, of facing the government and being tried for treason? I couldn’t blame him, especially after having spent a few hours in prison. Saying it wasn’t pleasant was an understatement.
I don’t know how it happened. They say women can’t conceive, at least not naturally. But Samantha is pregnant. She hasn’t won the lottery, and I know we have limited options. It will be our first child, so the government won’t demand us to give up our baby. At least I hope not. All I can think is that the government will want to hide the knowledge that the baby was born naturally. I can only hope Samantha will have a daughter, or else everything will be discovered. If we are lucky enough for a girl, I’m unsure how safe she will ever be in this city. If I take her from these walls, we can expect so much chaos and violence. I fear for her life. I see no solution in sight.
I fell back against the mattress, staring up at the ceiling as I held the journal against my chest. It wasn’t easy reading the words from a man I missed and loved greatly. Sighing, a huge burden of sadness coursed through me as I felt what he must have when they’d learned of my mother’s pregnancy. With a heavy heart, I turned the page again and continued reading another entry of the journal.
I don’t know how I’ll ever repay those who have promised to help us. I will owe them a dangerous amount of debt. I fear what this favor will amount to. Samantha will win the lottery this month. I can only hope all will be okay. Samantha is incredibly nervous we will get caught. I’ve assured her I’ve taken all the necessary precautions. The doctor has insisted that should the government find out she became pregnant naturally, they will insist on terminating the pregnancy – something unheard of for at least one hundred years. It has been at least that long since women could carry children without assistance. We’re unsure how she was able to conceive, and the doctors tell us we must pray for a girl or our secret will be exposed. I do worry what this will mean if we bring a daughter into this world, but I will deal with that and protect her when she comes of age. I will put my life on the line for her when the time comes.
My heart constricted and my eyes welled with tears. He never did get the chance to tell me the truth, and my mother had decided to keep it from me until the government threw me into prison for a crime I did not commit.
I jumped from the mattress when I heard a knock at the door. “Olivia?” A female voice called from the other side.
“Just a sec!” I answered, shutting the journal and glanced quickly around the room. I needed to hide it. I didn’t trust those in Haven, and couldn’t risk them discovering my father’s journal. I wasn’t sure what it would mean to the rebel alliance. I rushed toward the dresser, maneuvering it behind the wooden furniture. It wasn’t the safest place, but it was the only place I could think of that wouldn’t be obvious.
I walked to the door and opened it to see a bright eyed, red-haired girl a few years younger than me. “It’s time to meet the council,” she informed me with a cheery grin.
“What about Joshua?” I asked, noticing she led me away from his room and down the hall. I glanced back and wondered why he didn’t join us.
“The council only requested your presence,” she assured me. “Don’t worry – you’re not in any trouble.”
“Not in any trouble?” I repeated carefully. I had broken out of prison with Rebecca’s help. I hadn’t even considered they would punish me for the escape. Of course, the reason I’d been arrested hadn’t been entirely fair, either, but I wasn’t familiar with this new town or its rules. I walked with the redhead down the stairs. “Are you on the council?” I asked.
She giggled. “No, but my mother is.” She glanced at me. “I’m Jacqueline,” she introduced herself. I stared into her pale blue eyes, reaching for her hand.
“Nice to meet you. Olivia,” I introduced myself, though I was fairly confident she knew that already, considering she’d knocked on my door just moments earlier and called me by name.
She smiled all the same. “Mom suggested that after the council meeting I show you around. Take you to the dining hall and make sure you’re comfortable with your room. If you need anything, just let me know, okay?”
I nodded faintly. “Thanks, Jacqueline.” I was surprised by her hospitality. I followed her down the stairs as we stepped outside. Buildings lined the street around me. I craned my neck up to see the tallest point, grimacing from the position. I was in a real city! A smile lit up my face. I could only dreamt such things, as they’d existed in novels I’d read. We’d learned long ago all the cities had been destroyed and left in ruins. Outlaws scavenged what remained though nothing was inhabitable. Clearly they were wrong.
“Don’t worry, I won’t leave you on your own just yet,” Jacqueline told me reassuringly as she patted my back. She must have seen the look on my face as I tried memorizing every detail while she led me down the street. I found it overwhelming.