“I wanted to apologize.” He shifted on his feet glancing behind him down the hall. “Can I come in?”
I shook my head no, my eyes narrowed like the points of a dagger. “What do you want?” I wasn’t letting up this easily. He couldn’t act like a jerk and then expect me to just to forgive and forget.
“I know you want an explanation about the girl in my room earlier, and I think you deserve the truth.” His eyes met mine and I felt my insides tighten.
“It’s fine.” I held up my hand. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me. We’re here and obviously we can see other people. We’re not married,” I reminded him sharply. “You’re free to date whomever you want.”
Joshua sighed, shaking his head. “She was helping me study, Olive.” I couldn’t read him. Was he telling me what I wanted to hear or the truth? “She doesn’t matter to me. Only you do.” I felt his hand pull my arms away from my chest as his fingers slid against mine. I shifted on the balls of my feet. I wanted to believe him, but something about her made me uneasy. Maybe her striking beauty simply made me feel inadequate.
“So, you two studied?” I raised an eye wanting desperately to believe that was all that happened.
Joshua nodded with a glimpse of hope in his eyes. “She was explaining some of the history texts, so I wouldn’t have to spend the next two weeks locked in my room.” He stalled for a moment, staring intently at me. “I’m tired of this nonsense between us.”
“Nonsense?” I repeated slowly. I stepped aside, letting him inside my room and closed the door behind us. “You’re referring to what your mother said about us not being married?” I knew we needed to talk about it at some point. “For starters,” I began, watching as he took a seat at the edge of my bed. “I’m not looking to marry anyone, but I guess those in Haven don’t care about what I want.”
Joshua frowned. “What are you talking about?”
I paced the length of the room. “They’re giving me three years to find someone to have a child with. And they don’t care who,” I paused, stopping to stand in front of him. “As long as it’s not you.” I let the words hang in the air as I gauged his expression. He seemed more than slightly taken aback by the news. “They think if I chose you it would only help the government’s cause, because the government chose the match.”
“You’re not going through with it, are you?” He stood up, his gaze refused to waver.
“How can I not?” I threw my arms up in the air, frustrated. To the best of my knowledge, I had nowhere else to go. “I have three years to decide. Three years to come up with another solution or leave,” my voice faltered. “This place could actually be my home,” I told him seriously. “I like it here. Everyone seems nice enough.”
Joshua sighed. “How can you say that when they’re demanding you have a child with one of them!” He nearly wore a hole in the rug, growing more irritated with each passing second. His hands were balled in fists at his sides as he tried to hold the raging anger inside.
I sat down on the side of the mattress, my feet dangled over the edge, grazing the floor. “Well, they’re giving me time to choose. In a few weeks they’ll make arrangements for me to meet some men, get to know them.” I glanced towards the window. This conversation went beyond awkward. I knew Joshua didn’t want to hear any of it. “This wasn’t my idea, Josh. What other choice do I have? Maybe I can make a difference. Maybe it’s time I grow up,” unsure I could even convince myself in saying it.
“What happens if you don’t choose someone in three years?” He stopped walking and stared at me again, the slightest bit of hope forming in his eyes.
“They’ll choose for me.” I sighed, glancing down at my hands in my lap. “They made it perfectly clear. It’s better I do this. Follow their rules. Maybe it won’t be so bad.” It felt terrible.
Joshua shook his head, repulsed. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he demanded.
I shot him a glare. “I came by your room to tell you, but you had company. After that it didn’t really seem important.”
Joshua looked sheepish. “Her name’s Rane, and I swear to you, she doesn’t mean anything to me.” He paused thinking it over. “I wonder if that’s why she insisted on helping me study. Do you think the council put her up to it?” He waited for my answer.
I nodded faintly. “It’s possible.” Perhaps she’d been sent to distract him from any thoughts he had of me. Or maybe they foresaw an argument with the intention of tearing us apart.
“Mind if I–” He didn’t finish the sentence as he came to sit down beside me on the mattress. His eyes landed on the book I left open when he came by my room. “Have you been reading the history texts?”
“I read about the history of Cabal. Also a little about the Red Plague.” I studied his face and could see dark circles beneath his eyes. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not after he hurt me.
He fingered through the book on my bed – the one I’d barely touched. It took him only a minute to find the page he was searching for. His shoulders hunched forward, the muscles straining against his metal gray shirt. I realized he was dressed in a t-shirt, black jeans and barefoot. He looked comfortable, like he fitted into Haven even with the mess we’d found ourselves in. I couldn’t remember seeing him outside of a school uniform, except recently at our marriage ceremony. Now though, something else about the way he looked held my stare. I couldn’t take my eyes off him and couldn’t pinpoint what it was. He didn’t seem to notice.
“I read about the Red Plague, too,” he explained. “I’m beginning to think there’s more than just a history lesson in that book.” I gave him a look, urging him to elaborate, and he continued. “If the vaccine truly caused infertility, then how is it then – even in a lab – the government can create a child?”
“I don’t know.” I frowned. “Maybe they bypass something that’s broken inside?” I was never very good at science. It didn’t help that our science lessons always seemed to leave something out, just like our history lessons had done.
“I think the government has been lying to us, and I’m not sure the council is any more forthcoming with information either,” Joshua remarked. “Have you visited the technology center?”
“Jacqueline pointed it out to me,” I admitted. “But there’s no way to get inside. You need a badge to enter.” Was Joshua suggesting we check the place out? I didn’t think I felt comfortable breaking in. If we got caught, we had too much at stake. I’d spent one day in a prison in Genesis. I didn’t want to find myself in a prison ever again, no matter where I lived.
Joshua sighed glancing down at the text, “I tried to walk in there. Being new and all I thought I could at least get away with wandering into a place I didn’t belong.” He paused for a long while.
“What happened?” I asked, my eyes widening and heart leaping. “Did you get inside?”
“I didn’t get far. In fact, Landon spotted me and whisked me right off the premises. He threatened to send me back to Genesis if I ever tried that stunt again.” Joshua rolled his eyes with a sigh. “They’re hiding something in there.”
Unsure what to think or feel, I said, “You’re right, they probably are. We’re not going to find out what’s inside without the council coming right out and showing us.”
“You’re not suggesting what I think?” His eyes widened in horror.
“They made it sound like I’d be more involved in the council after I adjusted to the news. I’m hoping, after the first two weeks they’ll involve me a little more with the town. Once I agree to have a child, and do as they’ve asked, there’s no reason they shouldn’t trust me.”