Joshua laughed under his breath. “Thanks.”
“I’m serious.” I smiled glancing at him from his shoulder. “You’re a really nice guy. Besides, marriage isn’t like…” I paused unwilling to finish the sentence.
“What?” Joshua waited for me to continue.
I couldn’t very well confess I’d been reading illegal texts. I chewed my lip anxiously trying to reconsider my words. “Marriage is just about sharing a house and food together. It’s not like it used to be.”
Joshua stared, waiting for me to elaborate. I wasn’t the best consoler. “After today,” Joshua whispered, “You and me, we won’t be able to do this.”
“I know.” I sighed. Just thinking about it made me miss him already. “It’s not like we’re doing anything wrong,” I reminded him as much as myself. We merely spent time together.
“The government won’t see it like that,” Joshua reminded me. “They’d charge us with adultery.” It was an unwelcome reminder of the perfect system.
I knew he was right. It was a dangerous game we’d been playing for years. Although it wasn’t forbidden to befriend a member of the opposite sex, it was frowned upon. I never quite understood why, until today.
Hesitantly, I pulled back giving Joshua a shy smile. “I should head home before Mom worries.” If I left now, I could shower and be ready in time for the marriage ceremony. “I’ll see you later.” I smiled, giving a wave as I headed through the graveyard towards home. Already I missed Joshua with his dark hair and eyes as blue as the sky, I felt my heart leap in a strange unexplainable way. I hated to think that after today I would probably never see him again.
I gazed into the mirror, saddened by my reflection. My hair, though still damp after my shower, was a shade darker than its usual warm honey. My eyes seemed a muted shade of green, duller and less intense, matching my sour mood. I didn’t feel pretty and I wondered if the boy I was matched to would think the same of me.
I missed my father. It had been thirteen years since he’d died. I’d come to terms with his passing, accepted his fate as no other choice and that I was meant for new beginnings.
The only problem was the government officials had their own minds made up about our fate. My stomach tensed with butterflies as I swallowed my nerves as best I could.
I opened my closet, surprised to find a white gown staring back at me. My favorite part of the dress was the bottom and sleeves covered in lace. One of the Keepers must have brought it in while I was out. It took only a matter of seconds for me toss my towel and slip into the dress. The white cotton material reached just past my knees. In the corner of the room on the floor sat a pair of white heels. I knew they were left for me, but I doubted I’d be capable of wearing them. I slid my feet into the shoes, stumbling slightly as I tried to walk the length of the bedroom. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, the gown fit perfectly and as I twirled, a faint smile spread across my face.
“You look beautiful.” My mother grinned as she watched from the door. Our school uniforms were usually muted gray. Work attire was provided by the government-based on job position, but white was never a color. It was reserved for the marriage ceremony. I felt incredibly awkward in a dress. However, I knew the other girls would be wearing the same and took comfort in their pain.
My blonde hair was down past my shoulders and my mother ushered me into her bathroom, grabbing her hair dryer and curling iron. “Are you excited?” she asked as she dried my hair and then curled the ends, barely leaving me time to speak. “I bet you’re thrilled. I remember my marriage ceremony like it was yesterday. Your father looked so handsome when he came up on stage. All I could think about was how lucky I was to have the government choose him for me.” She let large curls hang several inches past my shoulders before nodding in approval when she was finished. “Oh, one more thing. Almost forgot!” She held up one finger to tell me not to move.
“Mom?” I called back, wondering where she went. She rushed back to me, bringing a bobby pin and purple wildflower into the bathroom. It took only a minute for her to clip it into my hair.
“Perfect.” She admired her work before ushering me out the door. “You can’t be late!” I rolled my eyes and groaned in protest. I knew I shouldn’t be mad at her, but it was hard not to be. I dreaded what the afternoon would bring.
Walking outside, our neighbors did the same. Those with children in the graduating class joined the front of the stage, and their families were just behind them in the city square. Those not participating stood farthest back and watched with great admiration. Gradually, I approached the front and walked up the stairs as I took my place on the stage. The girls from my class all gathered, one by one. My eyes searched the crowd for a recognizable face to calm my nerves. I spotted my mother standing proudly alone. My eyes scanned the front row of potential candidates. They were all dressed the same in midnight black suits. It took less than a second to find his dark brown hair in the crowd. Joshua’s blue eyes pierced through mine and I wondered if he was as nervous as I felt. He looked good. I wanted to give him a smile or a brief wave, but all I could do was lock eyes on him as we stared at one another.
I knew I should be happy, but all I could feel was nauseated. I swallowed the bile rising in my throat. I felt as though I’d been tossed on a ship in the middle of a hurricane, swaying violently from side-to-side. On one side is Governor Craynor and the other is the husband I’m forced to marry. My stomach shifted in waves, and my skin grew ashen and clammy. My hands trembled as I tried to stay strong, but I felt as though I was failing miserably. I let my mind wander as I did my best to calm my nerves. If I had the choice, who would I choose to marry? Glancing towards Governor Craynor, the thought vanished as he studied the list of names on the sheet in front of him. I was the fourth in line – the fourth to be chosen and married off today. I knew I shouldn’t be nervous, but not knowing what awaited made me want to vomit. I studied the sixteen faces in the crowd of familiar boys. I was sickened to think I could be married to Levi Keller, the most obnoxious and gross boy in school.
I grimaced as my teacher Ms. Steiner informed us we would be reading in pairs. We had just learned our alphabet last year, and I wasn’t the strongest reader. I didn’t even like reading, but Mom would occasionally sit me down with the Genesis Times to read what our government told us was going on in the world. In Ms. Steiner’s class, we had textbooks. I sat beside Levi trying my best not to be repulsed. His hair was dark and matted down to his skin. Though I knew his natural color was blonde, it had been a long time since he’d bathed. Dirt licked his face and hands. I raised my hand, hoping Ms. Steiner would call on me. She ignored me. I would have played sick, asked to go to the nurse because I wasn’t feeling very well. I didn’t think she’d believe me, but I didn’t want to sit next to Levi. He reached towards me, poking me in the arm
“Why’s the hand up, Olivia?” Levi’s eyes narrowed tilting his head studying me. “Afraid I have germs?” He laughed and the rest of classroom erupted in nervous laughter. They all must have felt it, too, didn’t they? No one wanted to ever be paired with Levi Keller. Today I was the unlucky chosen one. I felt my cheeks redden in embarrassment. He scooted his chair closer to me and the putrid stench only made my stomach somersault. Maybe I really would get sick and go home.
“Forget it,” I muttered. I was better than this. Better than him. He couldn’t scare me. I grimaced when I felt him push the edge of the book into my arm. I knew he did it intentionally.