“Who touched her?” I scream at him. “Who the hell touched her? She’s a collector’s item, don’t you realize that?”
“Signor Romano, please, let me just see…I don’t understand.”
There she is. There at the far end. Her silhouette stands out against the white wall, in the almost luminescent darkness. She looks newer than ever. Not a scratch, not even a speck of dust.
I’m as embarrassed as he is, although he heaves a sigh of relief and looks at me in a daze.
“I’m really sorry,” I stammer. “It’s just that… I don’t know… I can’t have looked properly. It was all… Let’s just forget it, I’m sorry.”
He doesn’t know what to say. He goes to the car and takes a closer look at her. “Do you want me to keep her covered with a sheet?”
She’s perfect. He walks round her twice, then stops.
“What exactly did you see?”
“I must have made a mistake.”
“Can I go now?” he asks, discomfort in his eyes.
“Yes, go. And again, I’m sorry.”
The situation is getting worse.
The shock has drained me of all energy. I open the car door and collapse into the perfectly intact seat. I hunch over the wheel, my hands sweating. I caress it as I used to do, almost as if saying hello to it. I let out a first, impatient sob. There’s no point holding it back, because others will come, they’re lining up in my throat, ready to come out, one by one, without my being able to do anything to stop them.
When I look up, between my tears I see a figure watching me from a distance. I try to bring it into focus.
The figure sways towards me, until I recognize the curly beard.
“Signor Romano? Are you all right?” It’s the voice of Antonio, my driver.
I feel as if he’s just caught me stealing or doing something unmistakably obscene. I quickly wipe my tears and try to regain my composure. “Yes, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
Now I feel like laughing. “No, I’m not,” I say with a bitter sneer. “But who can say they’re really fine?”
“Do you want me to call a doctor?”
“There’s no point.”
“Do you want to talk to someone?”
“The two of us have never before said anything except good morning, the name of a street and goodbye,” I say, curling my lips in regret.
Antonio listens tome without understanding. “Is there anything I can do for you?” he asks, a tad embarrassed.
“There’s no one who can really help me. Just tell me what time it is.”
“It’s lunchtime,” he tells me, handing me my mobile phone. “Your secretary called several times. I didn’t want to disturb you, so I took the liberty of answering. She seemed very agitated. Apparently you had an appointment with somebody called Righini? What should I do? Take you back to the office?”
It’s the end. What a stupid fucking end.
8
THE DIRECTOR comes into my office, so furious that Elena sneaks away in fright. He slams the door behind him, then turns to look at me, and for a few moments he stands there, completely silent.
Then he explodes.
“Have you gone completely mad?”
“I’m really sorry,” I stammer, “there was an accident.”
“Is missing two appointments in a row with the major shareholder of Benefil what you call an accident? Unless you ended up in the morgue, I don’t accept any excuses.”
His eyes are overflowing with contempt.
“It’ll never happen again,” I promise. No sooner are the words out than I regret them.
“You’re making me lose patience, Romano! You have no idea of the embarrassment you caused us this morning. Do you know what Righini said before he left, after waiting three quarters of an hour?”
I keep quiet.
“Of course you don’t, because while Righini was slamming the door in our faces you were fast asleep! And you didn’t even deign to answer your mobile!”
He manages to make me feel really inept.
“You’re completely unreliable,” he continues, his tone calmer now, almost detached. “Look at yourself, your shirt’s always creased, your tie’s twisted, you haven’t shaved. Not so long ago, you were famous for your sharp, intelligent answers, now you never seem to know what to say. Those rambling speeches and long pauses are becoming unbearable. You aren’t even the shadow of the young man I knew a few years ago.”
Those rambling speeches and long pauses. So that’s how I seem to people: slow, lost, adrift.
The director begins silently pacing the room, casting a clinical eye on even the most insignificant of details. My desk has never been so untidy, I have no idea how many files and magazines have piled up over the past few days, my coat hangs indolently over the armchair, and my briefcase is open, its contents spilling onto the floor.
“Aren’t you feeling well?” he asks me. “At least tell me if something serious has happened to you.” It’s paradoxical that the only thing that could make him feel less anxious would be if I was sick.
I don’t know what to say. For the first time in his presence, I want to bow my head, like a pupil who hasn’t done his homework confronted by an impatient teacher.
“You don’t have a family,” he continues, “a wife, children. I can only assume it’s a health problem. Is someone not well? Give me an acceptable explanation, Svevo, you owe it to me, I wouldn’t like to be forced to take action.”
I still don’t have any answer for him. He’s very insistent, and I don’t have enough time. In the end I decide to take the easy way out. “I’m fine,” I assure him. “I’m just going through a difficult time. I can’t really talk about it, just give me the chance to put things right.”
“You’re mixing your private and professional lives, Romano,” he says, a hint of impatience in his voice. “And now you want to put things right. For more than a month you’ve been haunting this office like a ghost. Always late, tired, distracted, negligent. You’re gradually losing the respect and trust of the people who work with you.”
I imagine Barbara, with her thin lips and pinched nostrils, saying to him, “He doesn’t fit in with our plans, sir. Get rid of him.”
“There are some things that can’t be put right,” he goes on. “That’s the way the world is, take it or leave it. You’re young, you’re good, you still have time to change your ways.”
The director picks up my coat disdainfully with his fingertips and hangs it on the rack. I’m transfixed, watching him as he rubs his hand with the usual disinfectant wipe. Then he lights a cigar, sits down in the armchair, and, with his mouth full of smoke, orders me to take a holiday.
I try to reply, but he doesn’t give me time.
“Maybe I didn’t make myself clear, it wasn’t advice. I don’t want to see you in this office for at least a week. You put me in a difficult position with Righini this morning. I can’t let you cause me any more problems.”
I bow my head, to show how contrite I am.
“Listen to me,” he says, in a more conciliatory tone. “Take that holiday, and the old Romano will soon be back in action. Don’t forget the eohippus. You don’t want to end up like the pterodactyl, do you?”
I still can’t believe he hasn’t thrown me out on my ear. I was expecting a firing squad, instead of which he’s been almost too lenient.
I’m alone again. Elena puts her heads in round the door. “May I?”
“Of course, Elena, what is it?”
She advances uncertainly to the desk, her anxiety clear in every gesture. “I’d like to apologize for this morning,” she says.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m your secretary. When you left the office yesterday, I should have reminded you of the appointment.”