I just sat there, pretending not to notice. Alex kept talking about basketball. I was pretty sure the kiss was going to come next, but it didn’t. Who cares??!! It’s getting so that if Alex just breathes on me, I feel like I have on my magic sandals and am flying off to Mount Olympus. I think maybe Alex wasn’t quite sure about this new move either, because after five minutes he moved that arm and then he scratched his head and then he leaned down and retied his shoe and then he stood up and stretched. I hope he didn’t think that I minded about his arm. Was I supposed to say something? Like “It is nice of you to place your arm on my shoulder. You may keep it there if you like.” Oh sighhhh. I’ll change the subject.
Apparently Beth Ann and Carl Ray (I’m going to start calling him Lance Romance, as he is finally using the shower and splashing on tons of aftershave) had a “truly di-viiiiine and wonderful” time at miniature golf (how you could have a truly divine and wonderful time trying to push little balls through a clown’s mouth is beyond me).
And Derek-the-jerk wasn’t at the miniature golf range. Surprise, surprise.
Oh, brother. I don’t believe it. That stupid Carl Ray.
At dinner tonight, Dad asked Carl Ray when he was going home and Carl Ray said he was leaving on Friday, and so Mom asked him when he would be back and he said the next Friday and then Dad asked him if he minded driving alone.
And Carl Ray said, “Don’t rightly know.”
And Dad said, “Mighty long drive.”
And Mom said, “Isn’t there anyone who could ride along with you?”
And then it went like this:
DAD: Good idea.
MOM: What about one of the kids?
Maggie looked at me and I looked at Dennis and he looked at Dougie and he looked at Tommy. Tommy said, “Me! Me! I going!”
MOM: No, Tommy, you’re too little.
TOMMY: Me! Me!
Dad looked at Maggie.
MAGGIE: I’d like to, honest, but I just can’t, what with watching Tommy and all, and besides, Kenny and I are going to the Easton Festival and also I promised Mrs. Furtz I would take Barry and Cathy and David and—
DAD: Okay, okay, I get the picture.
DENNIS: I’m going camping with Billy, remember?
MOM: Oh, right.
DOUGIE: And I get carsick. (He really does.)
Everyone, by this time, is looking at me. I am in a complete panic.
MOM: Oh, Mary Lou! Wouldn’t you like to go?
ME: Sure. Sure, I’d really love to go and all, but boy, Maggie always needs help with Tommy, and Alex and I already made plans—
MOM: Plans? For what?
ME: Well, plans. To do stuff.
DAD: Like what?
ME: (What was the matter with my stupid brain?) Well, just plans. To go to the movies—
MOM: You just went to the movies.
ME: Another movie!
DAD: What else?
ME: You know, plans.
MOM: Well, really, Mary Lou, you might be the best one to go, and besides, you’ve got the whole rest of the summer to see Alex.
ME: But—what about Alex? What if he forgets me? What if—
DAD: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
And that was the absolute end of that. I couldn’t believe it.
The only thing that makes me not pack my bag and run away from home is that Alex called tonight, and when I told him about having to go with Carl Ray, he said that that was amazing, because his parents had been bugging him to go with them to see his cousins in Michigan next Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, and that he’d been trying to find a way to convince them to let him stay home, but if I was going to be gone, he’d just go on with them.
That made me feel a lot better, but still—eight hours in a car with Carl Ray????
I do like to visit Aunt Radene, because they live on this great little farm with a cemetery in the front (they tell a lot of ghost stories) and a big hill in the back (with cows on it) and an enormous barn (with a loft full of hay) and the niftiest swimming hole in the world.
The bad part about visiting Aunt Radene is that not only is there no phone, but there also is no electricity and there is NO PLUMBING. That means outhouses and wells and stuff. Really.
But I don’t know how I can be away from Alex for a whole week.
Beth Ann called to say that she had talked to Christy, who said that the GGP is still considering her for membership, but that she would have to come to the next pajama party, which is next Saturday. And Beth Ann said that since Carl Ray and I would both be gone (she sounded real jealous when she heard I was going, but I told her that he was just my stupid cousin and I didn’t even want to go and it wasn’t going to be any fun and I would remind him of her every five minutes), she might as well go to the GGP pajama party. Just for the heck of it, she said.
I’m glad I’ll be gone.
My mother has forbidden me to use the following three words: “God,” “stupid,” and “stuff.” She said I needed to expand my vocabulary. It’s not easy eliminating those words all of a sudden. When she said that, I said, “Well, God!”
“Mary Lou!”
And then I said I had to go do the stupid dishes and she said, “Mary Lou!” and about two seconds later I said I was going to have trouble not saying God and stuff, and she said, “Mary Lou!” So I asked her what in the heck I was supposed to do with these big holes in my vocabulary all of a sudden, and she said, “Use the thesaurus.”
Right. So I spent about an hour combing the thesaurus, and here’s what I came up with:
God: deity, Lord, Jehovah, Providence, Heaven, the Divinity, the Supreme Being, the Almighty, the Omnipotent, the Infinite Being, Alpha and Omega, the Absolute, King of Kings, etc. (There’s lots more.)
(I’m having trouble picturing me saying, “Oh, deity!” or “Oh, Omnipotent!” or “Oh, Alpha and Omega!” but I’ll give it a try.)
Stupid: foolheaded, asinine, buffoonish, apish, fatuous, witless, moronic, imbecile, batty, besotted, myopic, poppycockish, cockamamie, lumpish, oafish, boobish, beefbrained, chowderheaded, beetleheaded, cabbageheaded, etc.
(There are lots of words for stupid. I can’t believe my mother wants me to use some of these, but I’ll try. I practiced already: That witless ole Carl Ray! That beefbrained Christy! That cabbageheaded Beth Ann! Pretty good, eh?)
Stuff: material, constituents, sum and substance, nub, pith, quintessence, elixir, irreducible content.
(Well, sure. I can hear myself now. We all messed around and quintessence. He had all this elixir in his pocket. We went to the park and irreducible content. It doesn’t make a bit of sense, if you ask me.)
Not much elixir happened today. Alex had to work all day, so I stayed home, watched Tommy, read some more Odyssey, and quintessence.
Mrs. Furtz came over again, all crying and nub, about some cabbageheaded letter she got. I don’t know what she was going on about. I do feel sorry for her and all, I really do, but Omnipotent! She realllllly gets to sobbing and pulling at her hair.