“Yeah, I’m starving,” I said, turning toward him as he pulled out of his illegal parking spot.
“Where to?”
“Can we do something easy, casual? The diner?”
“Sounds perfect.” When he directed his smile toward me, my heart thawed and started to beat normally again, something it couldn’t seem to do when I was in the nursing home. Then something struck me hard.
“Wait!”
Startled, he braked and turned to me, leaving the Hummer stopped in the road.
“Don’t be mad,” I said quickly, “but I just need to say that even though my mom is lying in there dying, when I see her face, I see peace. Somehow over the years, she learned to forgive herself and my dad, and I guess the guys involved with his death. I know it’s messed up, but I think she figured she needed to live her life and move on.”
Jake frowned at me and said, “Aly,” in that warning tone of his, the one he used when I pushed him too far.
“No, listen. I didn’t think I wanted to live my life until I met you, and now I do. I want you to want to live too, Jake.”
He pressed his lips together as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel, his knuckles whitening as he stared at them. “I’m trying, Al. But this is no quick-fix thing. I’ve been carrying this for a long time, and sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to get past it. You got to understand that.”
I love you. Do it for me. You can let go. Those words were all there ready to roll off my tongue, but they didn’t. Jake was still hurting, and I didn’t want him to do anything out of guilt.
After all, he’d already found me a new apartment and given me a dog. It was enough. I couldn’t beg him to love me.
Still concerned, I decided to drop it for the night. Time would make it easier to share my true feelings.
“I do. I do, Jake.” I squeezed his rock-hard thigh and he nodded.
Someone had finally pulled up behind us and tooted their horn, so Jake glanced in the rearview mirror and gave an apologetic wave as he stepped on the gas. “I let Mav out,” he told me, a smile brightening his face.
“Thanks. The poor guy probably misses me. Maybe we should go home?”
“Can’t. I promised Roman I’d bring you by.”
“Roman? Ha!”
“I was in for lunch yesterday, and I may have mentioned you.”
“Really?” I smiled as I perked up.
“Yep. Asked him if he remembered that tight piece of ass who was in with the stiff lawyer a few months back.” The corners of his mouth turned up in a smirk.
“Jake!” I yelled and punched his arm, not really making any difference. The guy was a brick wall. Except inside.
We rode in comfortable silence, listening to music as we crossed the bridge and headed through the tunnel to the southern suburbs. I was a regular world traveler these days.
As the Hummer sailed along on the parkway, Jake gave me a mischievous grin and put on the song.
“Ugh, stop it with that!” I shouted as I hit the STOP button.
He chuckled loudly, his laughter radiating through the vehicle and my heart.
I took over the radio, and this time Journey blared through the speakers. Jake hummed and I sang most of the way to Roman’s. When we got out, the sky was beginning to fill with clouds.
“Let’s go, before you get all wet. I hear cats don’t like that.” He gave me a quick wink and slipped his arm around me, guiding me to the door. Tucked under his chin, I felt safer than ever.
When we ran into the restaurant, Rome saw us and rushed out of the kitchen area, grabbing me and squeezing me tight. “I didn’t believe it! This guy here snagged you up!”
His voice bellowed around the small dining room, but everyone was too busy eating and drinking to notice. Embarrassment swept over me nonetheless, but Rome ignored it.
“I like my lawyer and all,” he said with a wicked grin, “but I’d rather hire you! Although it’s a good thing for me that I don’t need one,” he added with a wink.
Rome tossed his arm around me and led me to a corner table near the window where we could see the tiny lights twinkling along the lampposts along the sidewalk outside. This was a neighborhood where everyone looked out for each other, kissed their spouses hello at night and good-bye in the morning. It was a place where kids grew up without worries. The type of community I’d never seen myself a part of, let alone going on a date in, yet here I was.
The server ran out all kinds of protein for Jake—his regular order, obviously—and a special dish for me, compliments of the chef.
Over dinner, we made small talk. Jake asked a little about my mom, but the subject depressed me and I didn’t feel like saying much. Chatter and the scent of garlic and herbs swirled through the room. Once our entrées were done, we shared a dessert. Well, Jake had a bite, and I ate the rest.
“You’re fattening me up so I have to join your gym!” I protested.
“Never,” Jake said, spooning some tiramisu into my mouth. As I chewed, trying not to moan at its goodness, he swiped a little whipped cream from the corner of my mouth with his thumb.
We stared into each other’s eyes, our emotions on the rise, but my words caught in my throat. Jake also looked like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. The awkward moment stretched out as I sat there, my feet sweating in my boots, my hands tingling under the table, my heart galloping at an unsteady pace.
Say something, Jake.
But he didn’t.
After he paid our tab, we kissed and hugged Rome, then headed for the exit. As we swung open the restaurant’s front door, the clouds broke, letting loose a heavy downpour.
Jake grabbed my hand and we made a run for it, but as we got close to the truck, he stopped and picked me up in his arms and kissed me, allowing us to get soaked.
It didn’t matter; I was already drenched with unspoken feelings. I cared for this guy. I was letting him in—one meal, one kiss, one act of kindness at a time.
Easing me down his tight body, he whispered in my ear, “Be my Aly-Cat.”
“I am. I am, Jake.”
My feelings for him had grown so strong in the last few weeks. Jake wanted so badly to be good to me, to take care of me, but strangely I felt I needed to strap on my cape for him, be his protector.
For him, I would be strong, like I was at work. And for a few minutes every day, I dreamed of enjoying a lifetime with Jake, of having a life with him. I deserved that, I thought. Or at least to imagine it.
Jake
I was speeding to therapy. It had been two weeks since I’d last seen Dr. Wells, and I knew we would have to discuss Aly. Part of me didn’t want to. I liked having her all to myself.
We were going on three weeks seeing each other and had slipped into an easy routine. I knew she wanted more but was letting it go my way, allowing me to call the shots, taking my temperature at every turn. It was all too easy.
I think that was what scared the fuck out of me, and precisely why I needed to chat with Dr. Wells. An easy routine never lasted for me; something always happened to screw it up. Shirley babysitting us had been an easy routine that went bad. Camper working for me and ending up in my bed had been another easy solution gone bad. The carnage was all on my hands. I’d been a fool in both circumstances.
I should let Aly alone, but I couldn’t. Like baseball in college. I couldn’t let it be and ended up injured, unable to play.
But Aly and me together felt too good. Every few nights, we’d meet up for dinner and then stay at either her place or mine. She was busy with that fucking ridiculous case—why she was protecting that fuck-face I didn’t know—and she was a little more secretive than I would have preferred. She didn’t say much at all. The dude had been on the lam, and now he was stuck in his apartment with an ankle bracelet. Why the fuck wasn’t he back in jail? Apparently, he held some trump card and Aly—Aly!—had made some deal on his behalf.