“You are not some guilty project,” he said, sneering on the last word. “You’re not any project. Don’t be fucking ridiculous. A project? Get real!”
With his arms flexed and his amped-up breathing, he looked poised to fight. But not with me. With himself, his inner demons, whomever he wanted to blame for his reluctance.
“Then what am I? You have all this equipment in your house, a therapy dog, and me with one leg in your bed. You’ve moved me twice now. When we first met, you demanded I allow you to be in charge. Now you’re all touchy-feely, carrying me all over the place. I’m not a baby, Jake! I’m a woman.”
This time, Jake brought up his other hand and punched a matching hole in the wall. “I told Bess I was treating you too gently! I knew I was fucking up. Doc Wells told me too. Al, I don’t know what to do. I’m a helpless man. Up until I met you, I barely stayed the night with anyone. My ass was out the door before breakfast.”
“Then go back and do that!” I screamed.
“But I don’t want to,” he shouted, pacing back and forth in front of me as he ran one hand through his hair. Then he stopped in front of me where I sat on the couch and glared at me.
“I want to throw you on your stomach and pull your hands above your fucking head and slam my cock into you from behind. Then I want us to shower—together—and I want to take you out to dinner. But you only have one leg! One fucking leg, Aly! And I don’t know how to deal with that other than to take care of you like I’ve been doing. To me, you’re still Aly. But I want you to be my Aly-cat, and I want to plunder you and love you, just like I always did. ”
He made his way close and slid onto his knees in front of me, laying his head in my lap.
“But that’s my problem, not yours.” I didn’t touch him when I said it; I just shut my eyes and sucked in a deep breath.
“It is my problem,” he said, mumbling into my lap. “I could’ve been there, saved you, found you. Fuck, I could’ve prevented the whole thing from happening in the first place. Instead, Shirley was there. The person I hate the most.”
I leaned back, trying to see his face. “Is that what this is about? Shirley?”
I knew she continued to plague him. The thought of her watching him, keeping an eye on his brother and niece, messed with Jake’s head. He hated that she pretended to care, and despised her for rescuing me. He panicked at the thought of letting his anger go, not knowing what to do with himself without it.
If he let go of it all, he’d be absolved. I learned this from Dr. Wells during one of the two times I’d gone with him to see her. He wanted me to go more, but I’d shied away, unsure of what we were or what we were doing.
“The last two decades of my life have been about Shirley,” he mumbled. “I never wanted to fall in love and then I did. With you. All I wanted was to forget her and everything she reminded me of, but now she’s front and center in my life again, and I hate it.”
“She doesn’t have to be, Jake.” I brought a shaky hand down to the top of his head and smoothed over his buzz cut. He’d cut his long layers when summer came and he was busy, not only with his businesses but with me. The burden.
“So what? She found me and did a good deed. I’m happy and alive. I wasn’t at first, but now I am. It doesn’t mean I forgive her for past wrongdoings or want to be best friends with her, Jake. I’m just reminded she’s human like my dad, or the guys who got to him. I’m reminded to be better. Teach my kids better. That we have the power as people to do good.”
He lifted his head to stare at me, his eyes wide. “Kids?” he said, his voice all gravelly. “With me?”
“Yes, Jake. I think so. I hope with you, if I can, but I don’t know. I don’t want to push you. We can’t deny your past, but we need to let it go. You need to let it go. Your past is your past. And your mistakes were those of a little boy, and I know you know that now.”
He nodded.
Kids? Where is this coming from?
I hadn’t thought about the future much, other than what the hell were we—Jake and me. But suddenly the subject of kids was tumbling from my mouth, and Jake fixated on that one word.
What did that mean? Did he want to make more of a life with me? Would he go back to the old Jake? Would he be able to leave Shirley in the past where she belonged?
“Do you still want to take me from behind?” I asked on a whisper.
“I do. So fucking bad,” he said, and grabbed my hand. “But you’ve already had so much taken away from you. I don’t want to take all the power too. Do you get that? I’m trying to be considerate.”
“Jake, don’t you see that you doing that, being that way, is not being yourself. That you not acting like yourself takes something away from me?” I ran my hand over his short hair, the tiny bristles like smooth velvet on my palm.
“Remember when you told me all that stuff about you?” I asked. “You thought I’d go running for the hills, but I didn’t blink. I held your hand and supported you. I’ve fallen for you from the beginning, just as you are, Jake. All of you—your demanding side, your guilt, your big heart. Ever since the night I met you in jail, you stirred something to life in my heart, but I didn’t know it yet. And then you came blazing in with all your crazy ideas, and I was done.”
“Aly, I just can’t believe it.”
“You can.”
Jake knelt closer, then reached up and kissed me. His tongue swiped the roof of my mouth and he bit down on my lower lip. Without letting go of my mouth, he brought my hands around my back and pulled me tight, securing me in place as he sucked my nipple through my shirt.
A desperate moan rose up in my throat. Jake brought his hands to the neckline of my tank and he ripped it right down the middle, then unclipped the hook on the front of my bra and brought his mouth back down on my bare breast. When he made contact with my skin, my nipple went hard in his mouth, and I shoved my breasts further in his face.
“No, Aly. I’m in charge.” It came out as a growl, a command, a no-arguments-allowed demand.
Yes!
His tongue slid down my belly. It was tighter than before, since all I did was use my core for balance.
“Love this,” he whispered as his tongue grazed along my belly button. In a moment of rage, I’d forced Bess to take me to get a belly-button piercing. I had no idea what possessed me. I’d always been such a good girl, and I still was.
But I had discovered there was a tiny naughty side hidden inside me, and I wanted to feel sexy, no matter what. I liked being smart and sassy. It reminded me of the interrogation room where I first met the marvelous man currently kneeling between my legs.
Jake’s tongue flicked the small silver circle with a few dark blue beads before he slid off my workout shorts. Now there was nothing between his tongue and my clit. I’d thought about getting that pierced too, but chickened out.
Guess I’m only a little dirty.
“This good, babe?” he asked, his scruff dragging along my inner thigh.
“Yes! Yes, Jake,” I said, loud enough the neighbors might have heard.
A load moan floated from my lips as Jake settled right where I needed him. Flicking my spot with the tip of his tongue, he pushed his finger deep inside me, and I pushed against him, wanting more.
He swirled his rough mouth around my soft lips, the friction from his beard increasing my desire, tickling me in all the right spots. It made up for the loss of his longer hair, which used to tease and taunt me.
I came fast and hard on a whimper as Mav’s head brushed my leg, and tamped down the scream burning up my throat. The pup was probably being protective, worried that I was hurting. We’d need to leave him downstairs from now on during our naughty time.
“Jake,” I said on a sigh, catching my breath.