All the researchers laughed along with Edward.
“I thought the government had guidelines or laws about such things,” Kim persisted.
“The NIH has guidelines,” Stanton explained. “But they are for institutions receiving NIH grants. We’re certainly not getting any government money.”
“There must be some applicable rule against human use of a drug before the animal trials are completed,” Kim said. “Just plain intuition tells you that it is foolhardy and dangerous. What about the thalidomide disaster? Doesn’t that worry you people?”
“There is no comparison with that unfortunate situation,” Edward said. “There wasn’t any question of thalidomide being a natural compound, and it was generally far more toxic. But, Kim, we’re not asking you to take Ultra. In fact you can be the control.”
Everyone laughed anew. Kim blushed self-consciously and left the parlor for the kitchen. She was amazed how the atmosphere of the meeting had changed. From its strained beginning it had become buoyant. It gave Kim the uncomfortable feeling that some degree of group hysteria was occurring due to a combination of overwork and heightened expectations.
In the kitchen Kim busied herself with getting the rolls from the oven. From the parlor she heard continued laughter and loud, excited talk about building a science center with some of the billions they foresaw in their futures.
While she was transferring the rolls to a breadbasket, Kim sensed that someone had come into the kitchen behind her.
“I thought I’d offer to help,” François said.
Kim turned and glanced at the man, but then looked quickly away, surveying the kitchen. She made it seem as if she were thinking about what he could do. In reality the man disturbed her with his forwardness, and she was still uncomfortable from the episode in the parlor.
“I think everything is under control,” she said. “But thank you for asking.”
“May I fill my wineglass?” he asked. He already had his hand wrapped around the neck of the wine jug.
“Of course,” Kim said.
“I’d love to see some of the environs when the work calms down,” François said as he poured the wine. “Perhaps you could show me some of the sights. I hear Marblehead is charming.”
Kim hazarded another quick glance at François. As she expected, he was regarding her with his intense stare. When he caught her eye he smiled wryly, giving Kim the uncomfortable feeling that he was flirting with her. It also made her question what Edward had said to him about their relationship.
“Perhaps your family will be here by then,” Kim said. “Perhaps,” François answered.
After Kim finished her usual bedtime routine, she purposefully left her door completely ajar so that she could see into the half-bath the two bedrooms shared. Her intention was to stay awake to talk with Edward when he came back from the lab to sleep. Unfortunately she didn’t know what time that might be.
Sitting up comfortably against her pillows, Kim took Elizabeth’s diary off her night table and opened it to where she was currently reading. The diary hadn’t proven to be what she’d originally expected: except for the last entry it had been a disappointment. For the most part Elizabeth merely recorded the weather and what happened each day instead of expressing her thoughts, which Kim would have found much more interesting.
Despite her attempt to stay awake, Kim fell fast asleep around midnight with her bedside light still on. The next thing she was aware of was the sound of the toilet flushing. Opening her eyes, she could see Edward in the half-bath.
Kim rubbed her sleep-filled eyes and tried to concentrate on the clock. It was after one in the morning. With some effort she got herself out of bed and into her robe and slippers. Feeling a bit more awake, she padded into the half-bath. Edward was busy brushing his teeth.
Kim sat on the closed toilet seat and hugged her knees to her chest. Edward gave her a questioning look but didn’t say anything until he’d finished with his teeth.
“What on earth are you doing up at this hour?” Edward asked. He sounded concerned, not irritated.
“I wanted to talk to you,” Kim said. “I wanted to ask you if you really intend to take Ultra.”
“Sure do,” he said. “We’re all going to start in the morning. We set up a blind system so no one will know how much they are taking compared to the others. It was François’s idea.”
“Do you really think this is a wise move?”
“It’s probably the best idea I’ve had in ages,” Edward said. “It will undoubtedly speed up the whole drug-evaluation process and Stanton will be off my back.”
“But there must be a risk,” she said.
“Of course there is a risk,” Edward said. “There is always a risk, but I’m confident it is an acceptable risk. Ultra is not toxic, that we know for sure.”
“It makes me feel very nervous,” Kim said.
“Well, let me reassure you of one significant point,” Edward said. “I’m no martyr! In fact I’m basically a chicken. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t feel it was perfectly safe, nor would I allow the others. Besides, historically we’ll be in good company. Many of the greats in the history of medical research used themselves as the first experimental subjects.”
Kim raised her eyebrows questioningly. She wasn’t convinced.
“You’re just going to have to trust me,” Edward said. He vigorously washed his face, then began to towel it dry.
“I have another question,” Kim said. “What have you told people at the lab about me?”
Edward lowered the towel from his face and looked at Kim. “What are you talking about? Why would I be telling the people at the lab anything about you?”
“I mean about our relationship,” Kim said.
“I don’t recall specifically,” Edward said with a shrug. “I suppose I might have said you were my girlfriend.”
“Does that mean lover or does that mean friend?” Kim asked.
“What’s going on here?” Edward questioned with annoyance. “I haven’t divulged any personal secrets, if that’s what you are implying. I’ve never gone into intimate details with anyone about us. And why am I getting the third degree at one o’clock in the morning?”
“I’m sorry if you feel I’m interrogating you,” Kim said. “That wasn’t my intention. I was just curious what you’ve said, since we’re not married and I assume they’ve talked with you about their families.”
Kim had started to explain about François, but she’d thought better of it. At the moment Edward was too temperamental for such a conversation, with his fatigue and anxious preoccupation with Ultra. Besides, Kim was reluctant to cause any potential rift between him and François because she couldn’t be a hundred percent sure of what François’s intentions had been.
Kim stood up. “I hope I haven’t upset you,” she said. “I know how tired you must be. Good night.” She stepped from the bathroom and started toward her bed.
“Wait,” Edward called out. He emerged from the bathroom. “I’m overreacting again,” he said. “I’m sorry. Instead of making you feel badly I should be thanking you. I really appreciated your putting the dinner together. It was perfect and turned out to be a big hit with everyone. It was the kind of break we all needed.”
“I appreciate your saying something,” Kim said. “I have been trying to help. I think I know the pressure you’re under.”
“Well, it should get better with Stanton temporarily mollified,” Edward said. “Now I can concentrate on Ultra and Harvard.”
13
Late September 1994
Edward’s recognition of Kim’s efforts at putting together the dinner on such short notice encouraged Kim to think that things would improve between herself and Edward. But it was not to be. During the week immediately after the Monday-night dinner, things seemed to get worse. In fact Kim did not see Edward at all. He’d come in late at night long after she’d gone to bed and would be up and out before she awoke. He made no effort to communicate with her at all even though she left numerous Post-It messages for him.