‘No, why would you?’ his voice softened a little. ‘Think no more of it. I take full responsibility. Just go, before I compound my idiocy.’
‘But -’
‘Go,’ he said softly but with a surprising amount of force. His eyes were twin dark fires in the shadows. ‘Now.’
Audrey swallowed, staring up at him for a moment longer. Then she turned on her heel and fled, hurrying from the small alcove, running along the corridor and down the stairs. Her heart was hammering, her palms damp despite the fact that her hands were unnaturally cold. She felt utterly and completely overset. More than ever, she needed a quiet place to collect herself but there was no time to do anything of the kind. Already she had been gone too long and she knew that her mother and sister would be concerned with her continued absence. Besides, where could she go? Her efforts at locating a peaceful oasis had not turned out very well tonight and she could not face stumbling over somebody else as she sought sanctuary – if sanctuary was to be had. Perhaps it was safer to disappear into the crush of people. Kirkwood would not be able to follow her there, if he took it into his head to change his mind. The very idea made her shiver with a dreadful mixture of longing and dread.
Oh, Audrey, how could you have been so very, very foolish? It was a question she suspected she would be asking herself a great deal in the not too distant future.
When she did find her mother it seemed that she had not been gone as long as she had thought for Lady Hathaway merely smiled when she hurried up to her side. Isabella was no longer with her. No doubt she was still dancing with her husband.
‘Was there a dreadful crowd, my dear?’
‘What? Oh… yes there was, quite a crowd. People everywhere.’ She nodded a little absently to the two older ladies that her mother had been conversing with. Mrs. Strand and Lady Porter were old friends and Audrey wondered if they could sense her upheaval. She felt overheated and flushed and found she had to stop herself from looking upwards to search the balcony overlooking the room. Kirkwood would not be likely to show himself up there and she assured herself that she did not wish to look for him anyway. She didn’t, she knew she didn’t. It was more that she wanted to prove to herself that the last few minutes really happened.
Has she really let a man kiss her? Really kiss her? It seemed extraordinary. Almost as extraordinary as the manner in which she seemed to catch fire when he had taken her into his arms…
‘I suppose everybody stopped you to ask about Allingham,’ Lady Porter, a large, amiable woman with a preference for vivid – some would say garish – gowns, drawled knowingly. ‘My dear, you are the talk of the evening.’
Audrey looked at her, a little horrified. ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘Allingham, my dear. Such a prize.’
Audrey glanced at her mother who must have sensed her dismay, for she patted her arm soothingly. ‘It does not matter, my love. You know perfectly well how Society enjoys its gossip. Just ignore it.’
She wanted to do more than ignore it. She wanted to pretend that the evening had not occurred at all. In fact, there was nothing she would have liked more than to go back to the moment before she had set foot across the threshold of this building, to a time when a man had not taken liberties with her lips, leaving them with a warm, insistent hum that continued on as if they were entirely independent of her, purring like a satiated cat despite the appalling reality of what had occurred. She had no notion how her body could still dwell so pleasurably on how it had been stirred when all she should be feeling was disgust at her behavior.
What had just taken place between Kirkwood and herself had shattered whatever equanimity she possessed and being the object of gossip was simply the last straw. She desperately desired the sanctuary of her bedchamber and a chance to reflect and put the events of the night into perspective. If she could put them into perspective. Just at that moment it seemed far from certain she would be able to do anything of the kind.
‘I’m afraid I have developed rather a headache, Mama. Would it be too bad of me if I went home? You and Belle need not come, of course. It’s just… I feel a little unwell.’
It was not entirely true, but then, it was not exactly a lie, either. She certainly did not feel herself. Her mother was immediately concerned.
‘My dear, are you all right?’
‘Oh… yes. I think it’s the heat and… and we have been out every night this week. Perhaps I am over tired.’ Or over stimulated. Definitely over stimulated. She had to focus all of her attention on not recalling how Kirkwood’s lips had felt against her own. The memory was extraordinarily difficult to banish.
Eliza Hathaway, after studying her for a moment longer, nodded and turned to the two ladies. ‘I do believe we shall have an early night, my dears.’
‘Very sensible,’ Mrs. Strand agreed. ‘A girl needs her rest and I have often said that too much gaiety can spoil one’s looks.’ She spoke with authority. Tall and thin and rangy, Heloise Strand had launched three daughters successfully and could be said to know a thing or two about managing a young lady’s Season. ‘Go home, my dear Miss Hathaway and have an early night. We have Lady Sefton’s rout tomorrow and one would not want to miss that. It is to be the event of the Season.’
‘Or so Lady Sefton hopes,’ Lady Porter observed sardonically.
‘I am sure Audrey will be perfectly well by then,’ Lady Hathaway said calmly and, taking her daughter in hand, they went off to find Isabella to inform her of their departure.
Darius Kirkwood did not immediately leave the shelter of the small alcove after Audrey Hathaway had run from him – or, to be more exact, he had sent her fleeing – but instead had moved deeper into its shadows, taking up a position on the solitary chair that was tucked away inside. He felt as if he needed to collect himself. Hell, he felt as if he needed a drink! Or, perhaps a bottle. And if that would not suffice, then he was prepared to broach several more bottles for that kiss had been singularly unexpected. In fact, it had completely astonished him to the point where he felt unusually shaken. In truth, he felt as if the earth was no longer entirely solid beneath his boots. He had not come looking for the girl with the intention of kissing her. What he’d told her was no more than the truth. Ever since he had heard that his half-brother was interested in Audrey Hathaway, he had been keen to discover what she was like. He had feared Judith’s hand in the matter. It would be just like the woman to insist on the most fortuitous match for his brother, no matter what Roddy’s feelings on the subject might be. Only look what she had saddled poor Constance with. But from the moment he had seen the mother and the two sisters, his fears had been assuaged. He could not imagine his stepmother being particularly taken with any of the three ladies for they possessed an air of warm intelligence that Judith would surely find alarming. If his brother was interested in Audrey Hathaway, it was entirely his choice.
Reassured, he had prepared to take his leave but he had lingered for a time, watching those that considered Almack’s the apex of their social calendar. Once, he would have regarded them all with savage scorn but he had been young then, and still inclined to blame the world for his status as an eternal outsider. It had taken a few years for him to mature enough to know that his life was far more agreeable than many of those who haunted the hallow halls of this very proper establishment. He had the delightful freedom of an excellent income without any of the strictures imposed on others who had been born on the right side of the blanket. The knowledge had been a little slow in coming but he got there in the end.
He was a very fortunate man.
Roderick, 6th Earl of Allingham, was not so fortunate. Did he but know it, he was cursed with the weight of obligation.