234
“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”
— John F. Kennedy
To this point, you have shown your gratitude by writing lists. There are other ways in which you can express gratitude, and John F. Kennedy mentions one very important one in this quote. The highest form of appreciation is to live a life that is full of gratitude. That is even more important than saying thank you or writing down a gratitude list. It is the final step.
How exactly do you live by words of gratitude? It makes sense to say, “I’m grateful for my family.” But how do you live by that? Think about ways you might live your gratitude.
You can start by telling your family members you love them. Here are a few other ideas: hug your kids; call your mother or father just to see how they are doing; complete a chore for your significant other that you know they don’t enjoy, like cleaning out the cat box or straightening up the garage; or drop your over-competitive compulsion to win every time you get together with your brother on the basketball court. All of those things are fairly easy to do, but they put words into action. They show the people in your life that they are important to you, and you love them. Anyone can utter words of gratitude. The words take on greater significance when they become actions.
DAY
235
“Tests build our testimony.”
— Nicole Johnson
Nicole Johnson was crowned Miss America in 1999. If you knew nothing except that one fact about her, what would you assume? She’s probably got a lot going for her—looks, education, a really white smile. She must live a charmed life, don’t you think? It’s hard to be beautiful.
Ms. Johnson also suffers from diabetes. Does that change your image of her?
Her quote here reveals a lot about her character. The tests she has faced so far in life don’t limit her. They are the bricks and mortar that build her testimony. What a unique attitude. She is putting her gratitude into action.
You have two choices when you face difficulties in life. You can learn from them and overcome them, or you can let them limit you. It is completely up to you which route you decide to take.
You are wasting your time if you try to find someone or something to blame for your circumstances. That will provide you with nothing in the way of good materials to build a happy life. Let’s say you’re right. There is someone to blame. Once you put the responsibility on them, what do you have left? You have just given all of your power away.
Let your tests build your testimony. Forge through the difficult times and learn how to conquer your problems without passing the responsibility on to someone else. That will build the story of your life. It can be a heroic tale if you want it to be. You’re the author.
DAY
236
“Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you.”
— Horace
A pastor was standing in line at the local grocery store. He was in a hurry to get home, and the person in front of him had about thirty items in the ten-items-or-less aisle. After making several sighing noises and glaring at the back of this person’s head, he finally muttered under his breath, “Boy, some people sure can’t read the signs!”
The person in line finally turned around, and it was one of his parishioners.
Why don’t we treat the people we don’t know with the same respect as the people we know? When did road rage (or grocery store rage) become okay? Why do we lose all sense of decorum when we get mad? Anger is a momentary madness. It causes people to do and say things they normally would never do. This pastor would never speak that way to his parishioner at church, but in an anonymous situation, his anger built up, and he said something he regretted.
It is important when striving for success to learn to control your anger. Anger management is essential to success. You have to be able to diffuse the momentary madness that occurs when you let anger control you.
During the next few days you will read about methods for effective anger management in your life. Everyone deals with anger—some to a larger extent than others. The goal is to learn how to diffuse that anger and not let it block your path to success.
Your assignment today is to recall an incident when you got angry. Write about what happened and detail the results of your angry moment.
DAY
237
“No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.”
— George Jean Nathan
Today’s task is going to center around awareness. What happens to you when you get angry? Recall the moment you wrote about yesterday or another time when anger got the better of you. Try to remember what anger felt like physically. Did it feel a little bit good to get boiling mad? Be honest. Is there some sort of satisfaction you draw from getting your blood boiling over an issue that is important to you?
Experts say that a number of things happen to people when they get angry. Their blood pressure goes up, their face gets red, they clench their fists, and their body tenses up. Another very important thing happens. The brain moves from logical thinking to more primal instincts. In other words, you lose your ability to reason or think clearly. Instead, you turn to more of a fight or flight mentality.
Wait a minute. That doesn’t sound like that much fun. So basically when you get mad, you’re out of your mind. There is no way you can think clearly when you’re angry. The emotion takes over, and your actions are up for grabs. Do you want that?
Spend today thinking about times that you’ve acted uncharacteristically when you get mad. Write about them whenever you get a chance throughout the day. The short-term satisfaction you feel when you get angry may not be worth it if the consequence is doing something you will regret later.
DAY
238
“I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.”
— Author Unknown
On day 231, you were asked to write down one hundred things you are grateful for. How is that going? Have you completed the list yet? If not, keep going until you come up with at least one hundred different things.
Today you are going to begin to look at solutions to anger issues. You will explore several different ideas over the next few days that will give you tools for anger management. The first solution is to walk away. The quote above says it very clearly. You are not required to attend every argument you’re invited to. Walk away.
That is often easier said than done, but it is a terrific reaction. Practice it in your daily life. If someone at work tries to bait you into starting an argument, let it go. Let them think they won. Just simply walk away. The more you do it, the easier it will be.
It can be pretty hard at first not to attend every argument you’re invited to, especially if you think you’re right (and we all do). It’s important to realize that the person on the other side of the argument is equally passionate, and it isn’t likely in most situations that you are going to change their mind. You can keep your power and your self-respect if you refuse to be drawn in to the conflict.