There are times, of course, when it is important to stand up for what you believe in and take part in an argument. However, nine times out of ten nothing is accomplished through bickering. Pick your battles very carefully and reserve your wits for the issues that mean the most to you. Practice self-control today and don’t accept the invitation to argue.
DAY
239
“The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.”
— Jacqueline Schiff
When a pot of water comes to a boil on the stove, you take it off the heat. You need to do the same thing when your temper starts to boil. Remove yourself from a heated situation.
One great way to diffuse your anger is to take a walk. It’s healthy, and it helps you get away from conditions that are making you angry. Get out into the fresh air and breathe. Remember your priorities in life and gauge where this incident ranks in the big scheme of things. Also, when you go on a long walk you will have time to calm down a bit and think through the reasons for your anger. Are they justified? Or are you angry because your pride is just a little hurt?
Anger boils up quickly, but it often takes time to cool down. Give yourself that time. You don’t want to lose your right to rational thought. If you let your anger get the better of you and take action when your temper flares, you give away your power. Unleashing your anger may feel powerful at the time, but displaying a temper is never truly powerful. It usually comes across as reckless, irresponsible, and childish. Do you want to use those adjectives to describe yourself?
Your assignment is to practice positive remedies for anger. When your temper boils over, take a walk. Also, start keeping a list of other actions you can take to detour your anger. Keep that list close by. You never know when you’ll need it!
DAY
240
“Always write angry letters to your enemies. Never mail them.”
— James Fallows
Cliff was a top-level executive at an insurance firm. To say that he often had to deal with personality issues, particularly with his own employees, was an understatement. Nevertheless, Cliff never lost his cool. How did he do it?
He did not succumb to the “I’m running a daycare, not an office” theory that many top executives in large corporations admit to believing. Instead, he maintained his composure and found ways to help people come together, build on their strengths, and act like adults. He was a very successful leader.
You may be surprised to find out that part of Cliff’s success was due to one very simple practice. He wrote letters and emails that he never mailed. In fact, he didn’t even save them. When an employee did something that really sent Cliff’s blood pressure through the roof, he sat down at his computer and fired off an angry letter. Then he hit the delete key. Cliff found a way to release his anger without imposing it on other people. It’s just not helpful in most cases, and he knew that. On the other hand, he had to find some way to release the tension. After he unleashed his anger in a way that did not offend, he was able to look at the problem rationally and find a better solution.
Your assignment today is to add this tactic to your list of remedies for anger. Give it a try if the opportunity presents itself sometime during the day. Just remember never to send that letter, because if you do, you’ll have a lot of cleaning up to do later. Hurt feelings take a very long time to mend.
DAY
241
“The first and most basic habit of a highly effective person in any environment is the habit of proactivity. Being proactive means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.”
— Stephen R. Covey
We often talk about habits in a negative way. You want to get rid of a smoking habit; you need to change the habit of eating fast food for lunch every day; or you have a bad habit of biting your nails. For the next few days we’re going to turn that around and talk about forming good habits. These are routines you can sink into—even get stuck in—that will actually help you on the road to success rather than impede your progress.
The best place to start is with one of the biggest gurus of forming good habits, the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Stephen R. Covey. He points out that the first and most basic habit of highly effective people is proactivity. He also says that it is true in any environment. So it doesn’t matter if you are a construction worker or an artist or a florist or an administrator. Action is the key.
One of the biggest issues anyone faces on the road to success is how they react to the conditions that surround them. Behavior is not a function of conditions. It’s a function of the decision you make every day to be proactive or not. Practice proactivity today. Take the initiative and be responsible for your own destiny. You are not a victim of circumstances. You hold the power to change your life through your actions.
DAY
242
“We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.”
— John Dryden
How do you form good habits? First of all, don’t complicate the task. It’s really not that hard. Just do it today, and then do it tomorrow, and then do it the next day. Don’t worry about the future. Just practice today. Pretty soon you will find you have strung a lot of todays together, and suddenly you’re forming a habit.
To build on Dr. Covey’s point in Day 241, proactivity is the first and most important habit for success—so get in gear. You can use that advice right now. Be proactive by starting another good habit. Make the habit first, and then the habit makes you.
Your assignment is to come up with a good habit you would like to form. Don’t think about this all day. You can probably come up with something in five or ten minutes. Do you want to incorporate meditation into your routine? Would you like to go for a daily walk? What about setting aside thirty minutes to read? Pick something now, and do it today. No excuses.
When you wake up tomorrow, resolve to do it again, and so on until it becomes a habit. You don’t have to think wishful thoughts anymore. Wistful phrases like “I wish I was in better shape” do not need to escape your lips. Make something (like exercise, for example) a habit starting today. In a few months your habit will make you. There is no doubt you will be in better shape if you proactively go after your goal each day.