A popular phase is “forgive and forget.” It might be more beneficial to say “forgive and remember.” You do not have to go through the insane task of repeating pervious mistakes in judgment. If someone injures you, bestow forgiveness freely, but think twice before you decide to get involved with them again.
Karen’s daughter, Ellen, was an alcoholic in the early stages of recovery. Ellen had betrayed her mother’s trust in a number of ways when she was active in her disease, including stealing from her on several occasions. Karen forgave Ellen for all of the things she did as a result of her alcoholism, but it took years before Ellen won back her mother’s trust. Karen needed to observe Ellen in recovery and see that she was changing and growing into a more honest and trustworthy person. Forgiveness was immediate, but trust took time.
DAY
275
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act. It is a permanent attitude.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr.
It is very important to note that forgiveness is another one of those things that you must practice. You can’t just do it once and check it off your list of steps to success. As Martin Luther King, Jr., says, it’s a permanent attitude. It’s not an occasional act.
Hopefully, you’ve gained some additional knowledge and insight into forgiveness over the last few days. You are armed with new information, so it’s no longer good enough to hold on to righteous indignation. You’ve got to practice forgiveness all the time. Your own happiness and ultimate success depend on it.
Remember, forgiveness in no way condones the actions of the person who wronged you. You are not a sucker when you forgive someone. It doesn’t magically erase your ability to have good judgment when it comes to decisions that affect your safety and well being. Forgive and remember what happened so you don’t repeat mistakes from the past.
Finally, go back to the list of injuries you created on day 271. Have you forgiven the people involved in each one of those injuries? If not, it is the time to take action. Create a plan to forgive everyone on that list in some way. If it is not appropriate to see them in person, or if they are no longer alive or reachable, write a letter or write to them in your journal. You cannot be free of an injurious event in your past until you are able to forgive the perpetrator. Get it done as soon as you are able, so that it will no longer imprison you and hold you back from success.
DAY
276
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the capacity for action despite our fears.”
— John McCain
Over the next few days you will be studying courage. Now we’re talking! Courage sounds like the real meat of success, doesn’t it? It’s a triumphant, strong, victorious, and proud word—all the things that one associates with achievement. Well, before you get all Cowardly Lion here, let’s start with a definition of courage.
Courage is not the absence of fear. Fear is actually a good thing. It is an indication of sanity in many stressful situations. Courage is a quality that allows you to face your fears. When you have courage, you are able to put one foot in front of the other and take action in spite of your fears.
Who do you consider to be a courageous person? Find three or four examples, and write about them in your journal. Why do you think of those people as courageous? Search your feelings about why you chose those names. What do you admire about those people? How do they exemplify courage? What do you see in them that you would like to emulate?
Courage is like forgiveness. It is not something that you only do once, and it is not something that happens easily. It is a way of living and it requires practice. It is pretty frightening to act courageously the first time, but you will gain strength every time you practice courage, and soon it will be part of your character. Enjoy the next few days as you cultivate your courageous side.
DAY
277
“All serious daring starts from within.”
— Harriet Beecher Stowe
Harriet Beecher Stowe was an American author, and her first novel, Uncle Tom’s Cabin, was quite a courageous work. It expressed very strong anti-slavery sentiment during a tumultuous time in U.S. history right before the Civil War. Harriet Beecher Stowe made a very important point about courage in the quote above. Courage is not something outside of you that you can somehow obtain. It starts from within.
The first step in cultivating your courage is to notice the impulse you have within you to be courageous. It’s there, even if it’s hidden under a big pile of fear. Spend the next few days noticing when your impulse to be courageous crops up. When you are at work and someone is badmouthing a colleague, you might have a twinge inside that is nudging you to stand up for that person. If it sounds like your neighbors are getting into a pretty heated domestic dispute one night, you might feel the impulse to do something to help. Would you have the courage to call the police? Let’s say you are taking a college course in literature, and you’re pretty proud of the essay you wrote. When the teacher asks if anyone would like to share, do you know what it feels like to have that urge to stand up?
All of those instances are examples of the innate impulse you have to be courageous. Practice recognizing them instead of burying them under your fears. Once you have identified an impulse to be courageous, see what happens if you follow through and act on it. Now that is serious daring!
DAY
278
“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.”
— Alan Cohen
One of the things that strikes the most fear in people is change. It is very difficult to give up the familiar, even if it’s not very good. At least you know what you’re getting when you stick with what you’ve got. It is sort of a paradox, though, because change is actually more stable than staying the same. You can resist change with everything you’ve got, but you will never be able to maintain your lack of movement for very long.
How is it possible that change is stable? The stability of the world depends on the fact that it is constantly changing. Absolutely nothing on this earth remains the same for very long. So really the one thing you can count on as being permanent is change. There is no security in the status quo. If you believe you are playing it safe by refusing to let go of the familiar, you are wrong. You must update your thinking.
Embrace change. Have the courage to be adventurous, because you only have one ticket for this ride. Success is possible if you have the courage to move forward and embrace the new things that come your way in life. There is nothing secure about hiding in one place and never venturing out to see what the world has to offer.