"Yes, of course I do." There was no question in her mind. How could anyone help loving Gideon? He was all sunlight and passion. He was quiet strength and laughter. "I think we ought to wait a while before we take such a serious step. We've really only known each other a little less than a week." Her smile was uncertain. "Why don't we talk about it again later?"
"Now. I want to talk now, Serena."
"Well, I don't." She pushed her chair back and stood up. "You're being unreasonable. There's no reason we can't go on exactly as we have been." She drew a deep shaky breath and smiled pleadingly. "Would it be so bad? You can't say you haven't enjoyed the last few days."
His expression lost none of its quiet determination. "No, I can't deny it. That's why it's important we keep what we have. Marriage, Serena." He rose to his feet and stood facing her across the table. "It's got to be marriage."
"Not yet," she said sharply. "I've been married, dammit. It would be foolish to jump impulsively into such a serious commitment." She smiled with an effort. "Now why don't we discuss something else? We obviously can't agree on the subject of marriage."
He shook his head. "Not this time, Serena. I've watched you sidestep any hint of commitment for the entire time we've been together." His lips curved wryly. "I don't think you were even conscious of doing it. Heaven knows our time together has been so damn wonderful I didn't want to blow it by pushing too hard, but we can't put it off any longer. Our time's running out." He gestured toward the door. "Come on, we're going to talk."
"The dishes-"
"We'll do them later," Gideon said firmly. He tossed his napkin on the table, turned and strode from the room.
She gazed mutinously after him before reluctantly following him down the hall and into the library. She seated herself stiffly in a flowered easy chair and folded her hands in her lap. "Perhaps you'd better begin the discussion," she said. "I've said everything I wish to on the subject."
He dropped down on the couch and regarded her sardonically. "Which is absolutely nothing. But I don't mind taking the initiative. Suppose we start by my asking a question or two." He leaned forward, his gaze fixed with hypnotic intensity on her face. "What happens after we leave here, Serena? My base is here and yours is in New York. What did you have in mind for our relationship then?"
"I'm sure we could work something out."
"I'm sure we could. Perhaps we could take turns commuting on weekends. And there's always the telephone, isn't there, Serena? I'm sure we'd find long-distance heavy breathing more than satisfying."
"Don't be sarcastic," Serena said. "It wouldn't have to be forever. Just until we feel sure what we're doing is right."
"I'm sure," he said between his teeth. "And you're sure too, dammit!" He made an effort at control. "Look, I know you're afraid, but I-"
"I'm not afraid. I just think-"
"The hell you're not!" His dark eyes were blazing. "Do you think I don't know you love me? That's the one thing in the world I'm damn certain about. There's no way that what we've got together could be one-sided. You're just so scared you're shaking in your shoes."
"That's ridiculous. Why should I be afraid?"
"You shouldn't be afraid, but you are. There's nothing to fear in what we have together. I know whatever you're afraid of has something to do with what happened to you that night, or in the years we were separated, and I know your marriage wasn't what a marriage should be, but ours would be different. We can straighten everything out if you'll only let me help you. But I can't help you, if you won't talk about it. Talk to me."
She stared dumbly at him.
"Dammit, don't look at me like that." He stood up with the leashed ferocity of a caged leopard. "You've been a fantastic lover, but I need more than sex. I need you to trust me and let me become a part of you. Sex isn't enough and I won't let you use it as a substitute." He turned to the door. "And I damn well can't take it any longer!"
"Where are you going?" she asked, startled.
"For a walk."
"But it's pouring rain!"
"Good." He cast her a glance as tempestuous as the storm outside. "Maybe it will cool me off." He strode out of the room and a moment later she heard the front door slam behind him.
She was stunned and bewildered. Gideon had been angry with her. Her own defensive anger had disappeared, submerged in the sudden panic that realization brought. He had always been so patient, so infinitely gentle with her, and now he was furious. What if he decided to leave her?
She jumped to her feet and ran from the room. A moment later she was down the porch steps and out into the darkness. "Gideon," she called frantically. "Come back!"
Which way had he gone? She couldn't see anything through the pelting rain. She was soaked to the skin, and the water was dripping from her throat down the low neckline of the caftan. She started running. "Gideon, where are you? I can't see-" She broke off as she collided with something blessedly familiar. Her arms went around him and she held him tight. "Gideon."
"You didn't have to come after me. I was coming back." She could sense the crooked smile on his lips. "I decided sex wasn't such a bad substitute after all. For now."
She clung harder to him. "I'm trying. I am trying, Gideon. But it's as if there's a wall I can't seem to climb over, or a river without a bridge. Please believe me, I'm trying to give you everything you want."
His lips brushed her forehead. "I know you're trying. I shouldn't have blown up, but sometimes I get so damn impatient." He paused. "And scared."
Her head lifted and her gaze searched his face in the darkness. "Scared?"
"I guess I wasn't really fair to you in there. You're not the only one who gets frightened. I'm scared I won't be enough for you. That was why I didn't come to you right away when those detectives found you. When the report came in, I found out you had jet-setter parents, and had attended fancy schools and even married a damn prince. And I was a cowboy from Texas without even a high-school education. I'd always tried to read and learn as much as possible, but I knew it wasn't the same. So I had to try to cram a four- year college education into as little time as possible."
"What!"
"Oh, I know I didn't get the same kind of polish as the people you must have known but-"
"Gideon, shut up." She couldn't tell if the moisture on her face was rain or tears. "My God, you're the best human being I've ever met and you're worried about polish? You're tender and warm and intelligent and-" She stopped, searching for words. "Everything. You don't need anything more than you have right now."
"Yes, I do," he said quietly. "I need you." He suddenly chuckled. "And I'll get you, too, just wait and see." He turned, his arm around her waist, urging her in the direction of the porch. "Come on, let's get back to the house before we drown out here. Then well hop into a hot shower together and I'll show you just how much I need you. You know, it's going to be kind of nice lying in bed together with the rain pounding on the roof. We haven't done that since the first night I met you. When I was a kid I used to love to hear the sound of the rain and think how green it was going to make the earth and how beautiful the flowers would be…"
Five
Serena turned the bacon, experiencing a good deal of difficulty working around Gideon's arms, which were holding her in an affectionate hug. He seemed to have a fondness for attacks from the rear, she thought with amusement. His cheek brushed aside her ponytail as his lips started to nuzzle the nape of her neck. "Gideon, you're supposed to be making toast."
"I am making toast." His hands slipped beneath the loose cream shirt she was wearing to rub her midriff with lazy sensuous strokes. "The toaster is automatic." His hands roved up to cup her bare breasts in his palms and began to squeeze their fullness while his thumbs flicked at her nipples teasingly.