Adders on the Heath

'If it's the H.P. for next-door's telly,' said Mrs Bath, 'you'll get it all right next week. Her husband's getting a bonus, and, anyway, I can't pay it for her.'

Dame Beatrice explained that it was not the H.P. for the television set, but that Miss Calne had given her Mrs Bath's address. Miss Calne's name appeared to have a magic significance, for Mrs Bath, who had switched off the electric iron in order to answer the door, now stood the iron up on end, invited the visitors in, spat skilfully on to each youthful face and gave it a scrub on the tea-cloth she had just finished ironing, and then offered her callers chairs.

'It'll be about the club, I expect,' she said. 'Arthur, leave Jenny's dolly alone, else I'll take away your bricks and lock 'em up.'

'Well, it is in connection with two members-or, rather, with two ex-members-of the club,' Dame Beatrice admitted. 'Two, in fact, who are no longer with us in the flesh.'

'Oh? Bert Colnbrook and that there Bunt,' said Mrs Bath. 'Well, I don't suppose you're police, else my husband would have told me, being tipped off by his brother Alf.'

Arthur kicked his small sister's rag doll and came over to Laura.

'My Uncle Alf's a policeman,' he said.

'Jolly good,' said Laura. She hoisted him on to her knee. 'So is my husband.'

Mrs Bath looked slightly apprehensive.

'So you are police,' she said.

'No, no, but we are working with the police for a special reason which, when I explain it, I am certain you will appreciate,' said Dame Beatrice. She told as much of the story as was necessary. 'So, you see,' she said in conclusion, 'anything which will remove suspicion from this young man and, possibly, from my own grand-nephew, who was with him when the body of Mr Colnbrook was found in the place to which the foresters had removed it, will undoubtedly relieve their minds and ours.'

'Yes, I see that,' said Mrs Bath, 'though I shouldn't have thought, myself, that they had anything to be afraid of, being strangers to the club and all that.'

'Ah, but that is the trouble. Mr Richardson was by no means a stranger to the club. He had not only met Mr Colnbrook on two previous occasions; he had quarrelled with him.'

'I'm not surprised. That Bert Colnbrook was a nasty piece of work. I was always warning Mavis Wight against him. "If you must have one of them," I said to her, "you better pick that Bunt." Arthur, you sit still on the lady's lap, else off you get.'

Arthur wriggled to the floor, trotted over to his sister and gave her a hearty push. His mother landed a slap on the seat of his pants and the two children immediately settled down to the amusements with which they had been occupied when the visitors arrived.

'What did the other men think of Mr Colnbrook?' asked Dame Beatrice.

'They didn't particularly mind him, no more nor some of the girls. He was always ready to spend money, you see. The only thing about the girls-the sensible ones, I mean-was that when they'd been to the pictures once with him they didn't usually go again, excepting for Mabel and Mavis. Mabel was-well, I don't want to say anything against her, and, of course, she isn't really a club member, but her and Mavis always declared that Bert behaved himself with them, but, being that she was my sister (and living near, what's more), and us having to keep our name clean, my brother-in-law, Mabel's husband, only married three months, being in the police, well-'

'I see. Would Mavis be a well-built, blonde-haired girl about five feet eight inches tall, with a dimple in the right cheek and a slight stammer?'

That's not Mavis. That's Penny the Putt. But, pardon me, how come you know her?'

'I have never met her, but that is the description Mr Richardson gave of her. He met her on the occasion of his first passage-at-arms with Mr Colnbrook. This took place in a railway waiting-room, I believe.'

'Excuse me,' said Laura, 'but I think Arthur is trying to force one of his bricks into the baby's mouth.'

'Stop that, Arthur! Do you hear? Else Uncle Alf will take you to the lock-up.' Mrs Bath rose and removed the brick from Arthur's hand. 'Penny,' she went on, as she put all the bricks on top of the ironing table, 'told me all about that station waiting-room lark. She saw it as a joke, but I didn't half tell her off for her part in it. Disgraceful! "The young fellow might have got into serious trouble for Attempted," I said, "and a nice thing that would be for him. You better steer clear of that Bert Colnbrook," I said, "else you'll find yourself in contempt of court," I said. But she only laughed it off and told me I ought to have seen the young fellow's face when Bert accused him of trying to have Relations.'

Dame Beatrice clicked her tongue and proffered the opinion that Mr Colnbrook had scarcely acted like a gentleman.

'Gentleman? Him?' Mrs Bath sniffed contemptuously. 'Ask Geoff Borrowdale. He'll tell you!'

'I should like to meet him.'

'Well, see, what's today? He'll most likely be at the club tomorrow. He generally trains from seven to eight. He'd be good if he trained more, but he runs a Youth Club in Southampton two nights a week, and has the Boy Scouts Tuesdays and Fridays.'

'An admirable young man.'

'He does it to get away from his widowed mother. She objects to most things, but she can't hardly object to him doing good works. She runs the Unmarried Mothers at the chapel. They go there because she gives them tea and buns. No, you can't have a bun, Arthur. It's early closing.'

'I wonder,' said Dame Beatrice, 'whether your sister, the policeman's wife, can give me any further information?'

'What, Mabel? Well, you won't get any police tales. Alf never lets on about his job. I can give you her address. Wouldn't you like a cup of tea before you go?'

Dame Beatrice and Laura politely declined the offer and, having been furnished with the married name and address of sister Mabel, they made their way to her red-brick house.

Mabel was fashionably dressed and her living-room sported a cocktail cabinet. She greeted the visitors with suspicion.

'Well, I don't know,' she said, when Dame Beatrice produced her credentials in the form of an introduction from Mrs Bath. 'Anyway, you better come in. Now, what can I do for you?' Dame Beatrice glanced at Laura and raised her eyebrows.

'You can tell us something about a man named Colnbrook, I believe,' said Laura.

'Bert? Him that was done in? Well, he had plenty of dough and didn't really mind spending it.'

'What does the word "really" signify?' asked Dame Beatrice.

'Oh, well, as to that,' said Mabel, 'if you know what I mean, he expected to get value for money.'

'And did he?'

Mabel grinned and suddenly looked like her sister.

'Sometimes yes and sometimes no,' she said. 'Anyway, not so far as I was concerned. "I'm going to be a respectable married woman," I told him, "so I don't want none of your larks." And that's what I am now, of course. He didn't half sheer off when he knew I'd married a policeman. My sister still don't believe I behave, but I do.'

'I understand that you do not belong to the Scylla and District Social and Athletic Club,' said Dame Beatrice.

'More social than athletic, if you ask me,' said Mabel. 'Yes, I do belong, in a kind of way. That's to say, I do the teas and things.' Her air of suspicion had vanished. 'Of course, I have to support my sister at the club parties. I believe in families, don't you?'

Dame Beatrice, whose family ramifications resembled (she sometimes thought) the luxuriance of a tropical forest, solemnly agreed.

'Apart from the reluctance of some of his women acquaintances to further their friendships with him, would you know whether Mr Colnbrook had enemies?' she asked.