BadKitty2: That’s not how it might sound. It’s always little things. He makes me want to be better. The way I feel when I’m with him is so freeing. I don’t have to think, don’t have to worry about the little things in life. I know that he is going to take care of me, he is going to make sure I get everything I need right then.
Counselor21: That sounds like things are much better than you initially made them seem. What am I missing?
BadKitty2: I don’t know his name. I’m not allowed to see his face. I’m beginning to wonder what he is hiding.
Counselor21: Are you afraid he has some horrible deformity or something like that?
BadKitty2: I don’t care what he looks like. I just want to know. It was fun and different and added to the whole scene at first, but I want to be able to have a face and name to put to him in my dreams.
Counselor21: Have you told him this?
BadKitty2: No.
Counselor21: Why not? If it is something that bothers you so much. Would you be willing to stop seeing him if he said no?
BadKitty2: It is what I have been going round and round about. I can’t say. I can only say that I have given it serious thought.
Counselor21: Beyond the name and face issue, what else is causing you to say that things are only okay?
BadKitty2: He refuses to have sex.
Counselor21: And that is a bad thing?
BadKitty2: Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s weird. I’ve never had a man tell me he didn’t want to have sex. I even went as far as accusing him of being gay to see if I could propel him past whatever hiccup there seems to be or find out what the truth was.
Counselor21: How did he react to that?
BadKitty2: Not well. Well, he proved that he certainly loves pussy. I don’t think I can ever forget the way he proved that he does indeed love pussy or the orgasm that I got from it.
BadKitty2: I feel a little like I’m over-sharing here.
Counselor21: Not at all.
BadKitty2: Things got more physical between us than they ever had before, but I still had to push him to let me touch him. Do things to him.
Counselor21: Do you think that maybe he wants to keep the first time the two of you go all the way for when you know who he is?
BadKitty2: I doubt it. He has made no indication that he plans to ever reveal his name or face to me.
That statement made me realize how little she knew about me.
Chapter 19
Alix
After a few more exchanges with the counselor, I finally logged off. He spent the last bit reassuring me that I needed to open the lines of communication with Master. Easier said than done, Sir. Easier said than done.
It’s not that I didn’t want to talk to him. I did. I wanted to know everything there was to know about him. It was finding the time to bring up topics I knew wouldn’t go over well. Or at least I expected wouldn’t be taken well.
That’s why I’d run from the room after he got off. I realized just how much more I was coming to want and that he never made any mention or indication that he wanted more. It had taken pacing my bedroom for hours to finally sort through all my feelings.
I wanted Master in a way that I’d never wanted anyone else, yet knew very little about him. I didn’t need to know all the details of his life to know that I wanted more. I needed more. Not just his name. Not just to see his handsome face. I knew he was handsome. I’d been granted the pleasure of feeling his face a single, unforgettable time.
Shutting down my computer, I crawled into bed and lay in the dark staring at my phone. I had Sunday and Monday off so at least I could sleep in.
The night had been so incredible I didn’t want it to end. My only regret was not letting Master recover more before I’d left. I couldn’t help it at the time. Maybe if I had I would have remembered to retrieve my pearls. Hopefully he would return them to me the next time I saw him.
Talking to the counselor had been my way to try to calm my mind. It was hard for me to open up, especially to a faceless person, about such private things. Although it had originally been what appealed to me, it also made it a bit awkward. It was the first time I really, truly felt better after talking to him. It was also the first time I opened myself up so much.
Finally feeling calm enough, I sent Master a text letting him know that I had gotten home okay and that I was sorry for running out so quickly. Staring at the phone, I waited for a reply for a full twenty minutes before turning off the phone.
Time passed painfully slow until I finally fell into a fitful sleep. When I woke up a few short hours later, I felt no more rested than when I’d fallen asleep, but I had managed to have a dream that I wouldn’t be forgetting for quite some time.
I had dreamed that Master J was John from the hotel. John, J... It totally worked. My subconscious had to be playing games on me. The chances of them being one and the same were practically impossible. How many people had names that began with the letter J?
In my dream I hadn’t exactly seen the man’s face, but he had John’s hands with Master’s voice. His body had felt the same as Master’s while looking like John’s. His hair was cut like John’s but the same color as my glimpse of Master’s.
What a mind-fuck.
It had only been a dream, but it had felt so real. Just thinking about the way his hands had touched me, made me feel, had shivers running down my back. I knew if I checked, my panties would be damp. My fingers tingled with the thought of how easily they could slip between my thighs and ease the ache the naughty dream had created.
Throwing back the covers, I jumped from the bed. It was too much temptation to stay bundled up with the remnants of the dream floating around my head. Laundry is never sexy, so I decided that’s what I would do. Quickly gathering the random clothing items scattered around the room, I hefted the overfull basket onto my hip. Once in the laundry room, I dropped it on the floor with a loud clap of plastic meeting tile.
Sadly it only took a few minutes to get the first load into the washer, leaving me with nothing to do for at least thirty minutes. Glancing around the kitchen, right off the laundry room, I thought the dishes needed to be done.
And that’s how the entire day went. Desperately hunting for something to do. As soon as that was done, I would again be left searching. While slightly aggravating, it also resulted in a closet and dresser filled with clothes and a clean house.
Falling on my bed, exhausted, I finally let my mind drift to the night before and the time I spent under Master’s hand. Surprised, I jumped off the bed and retrieved my phone to find that I had numerous unread messages and even a missed call. Apparently Master didn’t like when I didn’t answer him right away.
I quickly scrolled through the messages, barely reading them, until I got to the most recent message from Master. He went from nice, to upset, to worried. I'm sure he wasn't going to be happy when I told him why I hadn't responded all night or day. I had no real reason. I had never turned my phone off since he'd started texting me. I was normally afraid of missing a call from work or a message from him, but I hadn't been thinking clearly when I'd gone to bed the night before. Plus, I was a bit upset that I hadn't heard right back from him. He had probably been sleeping, but that hadn't crossed my mind then. Then when I woke up I'd simply been so busy trying to keep myself from giving into the burning fire in my gut begging for me to give in and ease the need for release.