“Are you ready to know who he is?” she asks, thinking it’s the reason why I’m here.
“No, I don’t want to know,” I assure her, hoping I never find out. “Keira will always be mine, even if she wasn’t biologically mine.”
“But we never talked about it. Do you know how hard that was? To have this between us? You never asked. You never showed anger. You just acted like nothing had happened.” She's right. I never wanted to talk about it. At the end of the day, we had bigger things to work through. My energy and focus was always Keira.
“I didn't want to believe it, Katie. I didn't want Keira to see it, and I didn't want it to determine my love for her. It didn't change anything for me. We raised her and that's all that mattered.”
“And that is why you’re a good man, Sy,” she says quietly.
“Not good enough to stay, to see you overcome everything. I hate myself for that. Hate that I left you when you were at your lowest,” I finally admit the guilt that’s had its hold on me the last couple of years.
“I’m glad you did, Sy. If you didn’t, I don’t know where I would be, or if I even would be?” She runs her hand along the grass I’ve laid on so many times in the last five years. “Someone had to walk away, and I’m glad it was you. I was self-destructing and no one was going to save me, except me. I had given up, and that’s the thing about giving up, you don’t realize until it’s too late. It took you leaving for me to see it. Any guilt you feel for that, let it go, because I did. I let go a long time ago and you should, too.” I don’t reply. I allow the truth of her words to speak for themselves. We sit in the entirety of the past, in the words that have hurt us and broken us, knowing we've come full circle.
“Do you think she’s happy?” I finally ask, looking up at the clear blue sky, a stark difference to the inky darkness I look up at when I normally visit.
“I know she is.” She answers with such conviction, I can’t argue. I have to believe it.
“I hope you found what you came for, Sylas. I’ll never let go of our family, and I know you won’t, but you need to move on, allow yourself to let go.” She stands and smiles down at me.
“I’m trying,” I answer, feeling lighter than I have in a long time. The guilt weighing so heavily on my heart slowly starts to deplete.
“Take care and be happy, Sy.” She breaks the moment of silence and walks away.
“I am,” I softly reply, knowing that now, I can let it all go.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Holly
“Yes, Sy,” I moan as my body spirals out of control.
“That’s it, baby. Take it. It's all yours. Milk my cock with that sweet cunt of yours,” he rumbles, driving me into complete ecstasy just like every other time he talks filthy to me. I let the feelings of bliss and excitement flow through me when his calloused fingers find my sweet spot.
“I wanna hear you, Holly.” His husky demand isn't lost on me. I know what he wants, what he always wants, and if I want what I know he can deliver, then I have to give it to him.
“Fuck me, Sy,” I shout as I hit the first peak at his command.
“Tell me how much you want my cum,” he rumbles as his strokes become more uncontrollable the longer this goes on.
“I want it, Sy,” I moan, giving him what he needs, what I need.
“Beg,” he urges, leaning down and hovering over my mouth. He knows he's got me right where he wants; on the edge of supreme ecstasy and I can't go back. I'm too close. He knows it and I know it. I need him to finish. I need him to take me home.
“Fucking give it to me, Holly,” he shouts, sending me into a tailspin.
“I need it. Yes, give it to me,” I scream, surrendering to him as his teeth sink into my bottom lip setting off a spectacular kaleidoscope of colors and emotions.
“Fuck!” he drags out as his orgasm takes over and he loses all of himself inside of me.
“Oh. My. God,” I breathe, coming down from yet another uninhibited and explosive orgasm.
“What did I tell you about God?” Sy asks, resting his sweaty forehead to mine.
“Oh. My. Sy,” I correct, still feeling his cock pulse in the aftermath of his release.
“Don't forget it,” he warns with a glint in his eye.
“Like you forgot we were trying to be safe?” I cock my brow at him. I might have just begged for it, but that was under duress. Sy smirks as he watches me like a cat that ate the canary. He knows what he's doing, and I've given up arguing with him about it. It may be stupid, but Sy has it set in his mind that we are making a baby whether I want to or not. Luckily, the idea doesn't freak me out as much as I thought it would. I know a part of me wants to reach out and try to fill the void left over losing our child, but I know deep down even if it was to be filled entirely with a new baby, it still would remain as something else. Something I wouldn’t want to lose because I wouldn’t ever want to relinquish the knowledge that we had suffered a loss which was part of us. I wouldn’t want to replace one child for another, but the thought of carrying again makes me feel like it could help stitch the hole in my heart that feels so empty.
“Fuck, I love you,” he says, dropping his weight on me. I love it when he gets like this; when even just holding himself up after making love is too much for him.
“I love you, too,” I wheeze out. “Now get off me, you heavy ass. I can't breathe,” I complain, breaking our moment.
“It’s okay, baby. You stop breathing, I’ll breathe life right back into you.” He kisses me again, only this time taking a real breath out of me.
“I love you, Sy. I love you more than anything.” I hold his face and mean every single ounce of it. In the last few weeks, something has changed in him. Ever since he went back to visit Katie, there has been a peace to him. The anger and fear he kept hidden seems to have lifted. He still hasn’t opened up to the club about his past, but I respect his decision, and when the time is right, he will tell them.
“You want a shower, or you want me to clean you up?” he asks slowly, letting himself fall from me.
“Shower.” If we don’t get up, we’ll end up staying in bed all day, and I need to get ready for Jesse’s party soon.
“Okay,” he says, moving over me and kissing me until my phone ringing interrupts him. “Fuck.” He reaches over to answer it.
“Just leave it,” I say, wanting to get in the shower, but it’s too late. He’s already answering it.
“What?” he shouts out in the way of answering. I hold back my smile knowing Sy is hard and almost always harsh, yet when we are alone, he’s anything but. “Now?” he barks, pulling away from me and sitting back. “She’s busy right now,” he growls, rubbing his face in frustration.
“What’s going on?” I ask, trying to get my phone off him.
“I’ll let her know,” he says before hanging up.
“You can't just answer my phone, Sy. Who was it?”
“Kadence,” he growls, resting his weight back on me.
“Well, what did she want?” I ask, waiting for a response when he starts kissing me instead of telling me.
“She said the cake is ready and needs to be picked up.”
“Ahh, shit,” I curse, completely forgetting about it.
“I’ll go and pick it up for you,” he offers, knowing I have heaps to do today. It's Jesse's surprise party and I'm the sucker who agreed to help organize it.
“No shower then?” I ask disappointed.
“We’ll have one later, when I make you dirty again,” he promises, climbing off me to run my errand.
“Can’t you do that now? Quickly?” I ask innocently, wishing that the damn party hadn’t taken up all my time the last few weeks. It was Kadence’s idea to throw the damn party in the first place. As soon as she heard it was Jesse’s birthday, she wanted to do something for him, but in the last week she hasn’t felt well, so I was stuck with the hard work.
“Baby, I just fucked you and made you dirty, and you wanna go again?” he asks, moving back to the bed.