Justin slowed right down to a walk. “Ant wasn’t shot by some hunting rifle.”
He didn’t have to tell me. I was the one who had to clean him up before we buried him. I was the one who had to tell Kayla and Fiona just how he’d died.
I slowed his walk down to a breather. I’d barely be able to get through the argument standing still.
“You know it was Stems,” Justin said. “You must be thinking the same thing I am.”
“I’m not.”
He almost laughed. “You’re not serious, Baptiste. We know what we need to do. We throw on our gear and we find him. We don’t make the same mistake again.”
“Not right now,” I said. “We’re not ready.”
“Not ready? What the hell are we waiting for?”
I could tell that he honestly didn’t know. He was so wrapped up in getting Stems that he wasn’t thinking of what really counts. Sure…Justin has a family, but you’d swear he forgets that most of the time.
And I’m always the one who has to remind him.
“So you want to get him,” I said. “You and I up against Ryan Stems and who knows how many men. So maybe we’ll bring Lisa along, since she’s probably a better shot than either of us. And then you know what will happen? We end up driving halfway to Kapuskasing, we probably get ourselves killed, and then we’re down three people, the three people who are the best chance for keeping us alive. That’ll make everyone who’s left a lazy fucking Sunday for Ryan Stems.”
“Maybe ask your precious Supply Partnership for help.” He kicked his head back with a fake laugh. “Oh, what’s that? They don’t care if we live or die? Really?”
“No one wants to throw their lives away.”
“I can get a pile of guys down here from Detour Lake. We pay ‘em and they’ll fight.”
“That’s no better than baiting coyotes,” I said. “Let’s go get those crazies sniffing around here.”
“We do this now or we’ll regret it, Baptiste. Just like I’m sure you regret the last time you let him go.”
He was going to keep on it. I’d let Ryan Stems go.
That meant that Ant’s death was on me.
Justin kept on talking. “If he’s taking shots at us on the road, it won’t be long before he decides to come at us where we live. We need to kill him. We should have killed him a long time ago.”
I was starting to feel my heart beating too fast. I didn’t want to have this conversation. I couldn’t have this conversation.
“You need to take charge here, Baptiste,” Justin said. “You’re the guy, aren’t you? We’re starting to look weak.”
“You mean I’m looking weak.”
“If we don’t hit back he’ll think we’re a bunch of pussies. I don’t know about you, but I’m not a pussy. Are you a pussy, Baptiste?”
I wanted to punch Justin Porter in the face.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” I said, trying my best to hold in the rage. “It’s been a rough few days. I’m really fucking tired.”
“We’re all fucking tired. But we need to retaliate.”
He didn’t get how far he was pushing me.
“Just drop it,” I said. “It’s a stupid idea, alright? Revenge is something idiots do.”
“So I’m an idiot.”
“You’re definitely sounding like one right now.”
“You sound like a coward, Baptiste. I thought you were better than this. If you’re too chickenshit to handle it, I’ll just grab Matt and the Tremblays and we’ll take care of it for you.”
“Go ahead, Justin. Go find Stems and get yourself killed.”
“Fuck you.”
“Well, that’s your plan, isn’t it? Team up with Captain Useless and the guys with dirt-clogged starter rifles? That’s your backup against a man who’s seen more action than the two of us combined? Brilliant fucking plan. Oh…I guess you’ll have a handful of those prepper assholes from Detour Lake with you, too, eh? You’ll still get yourself killed. By Stems or by the guys you just hired to watch your back.”
“Well I’d rather die on my feet than on my knees. You know, sucking Ryan Stems’ cock.”
“That’s because you’re an idiot, remember?” I said, feeling the adrenaline and wishing I could turn off the tap. “Dying isn’t as much fun as you seem to think it is. Especially when you drag your family down with you.”
“You’re making a mistake, Baptiste. You stand there and you call me an idiot, and meanwhile you’re risking all of our lives because you’re not willing to make something happen. That’s just fucking stupid. We need to kill him before he kills us. It’s that simple.”
“It’s never that simple.”
“Stems can’t argue self defense this time. There aren’t any excuses left. You can’t just let a murderer run wild. ”
“We’ll get him,” I said, holding up my hands, almost like I was expecting that to shut him up. “But when we’re ready…when we know we can win.”
“So come up with a timeline, then. Some kind of plan, for Christ-sakes.”
“I’m not going to waste my time convincing you that I know what I’m doing. I don’t care what you think, Justin. I’m still in charge around here, no matter what kind of shit you’ve been pulling behind my back.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“Secret trips to Cochrane…cutting keys…taking Matt down to the river and teaching him how to shoot…”
“It’s a deep-rooted conspiracy,” Justin said. “We’re all in on it. We’re going to replace your morning tea with goat jizz.”
“If you have a problem with the work I do you’d better start talking to me about it.”
“What do you think I’m doing right now? I’m talking to you, Baptiste. I’m telling you right here, right now. You’re being stupid…you’re making bad decisions…and yes, we’re losing faith in you.”
“So you’re losing faith in me. Big fucking deal.”
“It isn’t just me, buddy. The only people still on your side are the ones you’re fucking and sucking.”
That was the line. I felt like I was twenty again, inching toward the first punch. And probably about to get my ass kicked, assuming I didn’t just pull out my gun and shoot him.
“Shit,” Justin said. “I shouldn’t be bitching at you, Baptiste.”
“Too late for that.”
“Look, I’m sorry. I’m just…I’m pissed off, alright? With Marc and his crap, with what happened to Ant…”
“Yeah…”
“But I’m serious. You know…about Stems. We need to kill him. He’s going to come for us. It’s just a matter of time. I’d rather we chose the time and place, Baptiste. Preferably before you run out of pills for that fucked-up heart of yours.”
“When I’m gone you can do whatever the hell you want.”
“God, Baptiste. Let’s just get it over with. It’s him or us.”
My chest was tightening. I couldn’t keep talking about it.
“I’m heading back,” I said.
“Too much?”
“You’re pissing me off. I’ve got better things to do.”
“I’m not going to drop this,” Justin said. “We need to retaliate.”
“I’ll see you later.” I turned and started walking back towards McCartney Lake.
Justin didn’t follow. “Whatever, Baptiste,” he said. “Just run away.”
I didn’t bother answering. He’d be pissed at me either way.
And I certainly wasn’t going to go along with his revenge fantasies.
It didn’t make sense for Ryan Stems to be coming after us. For one thing, he’s not a marauder, despite what everyone seems to think around here. He works to keep his people safe, just like Justin and I try to do. It’s not like we’re running around killing people for a few extra supplies.
Killing Ant didn’t make any sense. And then they made Matt piss his pants, and then they let him go. What was the point?