He wanted to go find Christina. But the prudent thing would be to do nothing. Tony always said, Learn from the Colombians, they know how to do nothing. They would drop a five-million-dollar shipment into a warehouse, lock it up, and then do nothing. For months. A year, even. Just let it sit there, shrink-wrapped, metal-belted to a pallet. They would watch it, of course, to see if anyone else was watching. And if nobody showed up, still they might do nothing. Doing nothing was a course of action, doing nothing was choosing to do what you were already planning to do, staying inside the original plan. Rick's original plan was to do nothing for a very long time until everybody forgot about him. The problem with his plan was that it assumed that Christina was in prison. Peck understood this, somehow. Or maybe it was a lucky guess, but detectives were paid to make lucky guesses. Then again, Peck had been working undercover at the time; he might have seen Christina and Rick together; you didn't have to be that smart to see what's going on between a man and a woman. Not if it was craziness, obsession. No, that wasn't necessarily true. Peck didn't know anything. Rick was overthinking it. Peck was an ambitious asshole, working some line of bullshit. Rick had been out of the game so long he didn't have a feel for the nuances of bullshit: What was truth, what was a near-truth, what was a lie, what was interpretation, what was the lie that was meant to draw attention to itself so that the other, crucial lie would go unseen, what was the truth with a lie inside it. All he knew was that Peck was trying to jump him back into something. Why else track him down, why else drive three hours out from the city and then back again? But of course these questions led nowhere. Peck would assume that Rick would think all of these things. That meant that Peck felt very good about his contraption of cleverness, that he believed Rick couldn't pull it apart. Which was true. So, all that was left was the fact that Christina was getting out. She was walking her hot little ass and her cold dark eyes right on out of there, into who knew what. It was an emotional thing, which Peck rightly saw. Once you got your emotions involved, you had a problem.
An hour later, he was alone in a small room by the sea, the window lit by stars. The edge of the sheet brightened in the dark and his eyes were open. For the first year or two the night sky had made him lonely. Certain visions appeared and he would whisper for forgiveness. I did bad things. I never killed anybody, but I did bad things. He had tried to read the Bible, but there was nothing in there about eighteen-wheelers full of stolen fax machines. Or unstamped cigarettes, or industrial elevator panels that cost a quarter million a pop, or French wine, or expensive perfume, or big Japanese motorcycles, or any of the stuff landing in Kennedy Airport twenty-four hours a day, items to be consumed in the roaring maw of New York City. Christina had helped them because he had asked her. Of course Tony wanted to use her again. He knew how smart she was, had tried to get her to run one of his operations. He'd probably suffered some fuck-up in his deliveries and remembered how good Christina's system had been. Very effective when the buyers were Russians or Chinese gangsters, distrustful assholes who barely spoke English, who wanted to keep as much distance as possible. The pickups were never directly arranged on the phone. The contact person was just faxed a single digit on a piece of paper. It must have driven the cops wild. She would always fax the number from and to a public copy shop, a different one each time. The cops couldn't wire-tap all the public fax machines in the city. The number did not correspond to the pickup time or place but to a public spot in midtown Manhattan. There the contact person looked at something that was open to view from the street-that was the genius part-and then understood where and when the pickup was. The two parties did not have to talk on the phone, they did not have to meet ahead of time in person, they did not even need to know each other's identity. It had never failed. They'd moved three dozen jobs using her system.
If you were smart, you fell in love with a woman who could do that, and you packed up all the other operations. You told your dick no more other women, because this one is the real thing. You make a promise to your dick that in the long run, it would be worth it. And then you go get all the money that you hid in Aunt Eva's basement in Brooklyn (he'd kept her front-door key in his wallet for four years) and you pay for Christina to finish college and get a law degree or whatever else she wanted and get her into the civilized world. If you were smart, that is.
If you were stupid, you got her to do things she shouldn't be doing. But Rick hadn't been smart; he had been crazy for the steroids and had become a joke, a two-hundred-and-sixty-pound clown who could bench-press four-twenty and had two chicks on the side whom he'd told he owned a car dealership on Long Island. More like a body shop that sold secondhand junkers. Dick-wax, his whole life had been dick-wax.
Why Christina had put up with him was a mystery; maybe she saw what he could have been, with the drugs out of him; she was a woman who made her mind up about things and then did them. You'd be okay if you just stayed with me, she'd said once, not in anger but by way of observation. A true statement. She'd decided she would stick with him and she did. And then, once arrested, she'd decided that all contact between them would cease. She'd never answered his letters to her in prison-not that he blamed her. (Now, of course, he didn't get any mail at all. Had no address.) He'd never been good enough for her, knew it even then, although he acted like he was fucking king of the world. The last thing she'd said to him, on the day she was convicted-being walked away in handcuffs back to Rikers Island, her dark eyes glancing into his-was this: "You should get out of the city, Rick." She'd meant it. She had taken everything she knew about him and everything she expected might happen to him and distilled it into one short utterance of wisdom. You should get out of the city, Rick. Get the hell out of the city, Rick. And so he did.
When he found Orient Point one day, just driving out of Brooklyn for kicks, he had not expected that he would stay so long, get dug in, find work on a boat catching garbage-fish, learn to grow tomatoes. He'd only known that he needed solitude and removal. If there was pain and difficulty in this, good; it was penance. In the beginning, in fact, it had been the most he could do to simply live in his own skin. The cottage had an ancient phone line strung along the lane, and in the early days after moving there he would pick up the old black receiver, cracked and heavy as a hammer, and listen to the far buzz of the universe. He would think of the people he could call, the many people in the city who would say, Yo, Rick, man, you been away too long, you gotta come back, do some business, and he'd see the uselessness of the conversation. He missed Christina, yes, he could admit that. Even four years later. And not just the sex; that wasn't what he thought about so much, except for the one night in the SoHo Grand Hotel, when he got beaten up. It was those mornings, Sundays, when she would buy the paper and they would go for a walk in the city, see a movie. She loved the movies. Always reading, too. One of those people who had a secret life with books. Reading to escape herself, reading to find herself. Swept the floor to relax. She was a girl with some old hurts. She carried them hard, too, he'd always known, not getting anywhere with them. I can't trust anybody, she'd once confessed to him, almost mournfully, I want to but it got stolen from me. Of course she meant the rape when she was a teenager. She'd told him once, only once, and then seemed to wish she could take it back inside her. You told me, he'd said. I shouldn't have, she'd answered, you don't understand, you don't know what that kind of thing does to somebody. She'd gotten the broom from the closet and started. You don't know. You don't know me.