Meek and mild’s the name of my child
Love of my life’s the name of my wife
Next thing I hear A. teaching Saar a new line: Stand in the shade’s the name of the maid & All in a whirl’s the name of the girl piece of liver piece of lung food to keep the old man young. Heaven knows what’s going on in that head of hrs but she made good progress through the list looks as if she picked up some spirit in the course of the day. Praised her wherever I could.
Plaited onions
Took out potatoes
Weeded the vegetable garden
Took pumpkins down from stable-roof
Loaded cabbage & pumpkin in the trailer for market
At 5 o’clock she told me her hand was tired. Had seen it coming but I was ready for her: Nay what I said lots of work will make that hand of yours strong soon you won’t even know about it. Got a cup of coffee into her & pushed through till 6 o’clock & then said go and make a fire now we’re going to have a nice braai you can clean yourself afterwards you’re just going to be standing around in the smoke now anyway.
12 o’clock
Over-tired. Over-exerted myself can’t get myself to bed. Still nauseous shouldn’t have eaten that meat must be more careful. Hope A. has gone to rest she’ll just have to get accustomed in hr own time. Was fed at the kitchen table everything that we had for supper she’ll never have to fret about that fresh sheep’s liver in caul fat & chops & bread & baked beans & tomatoes. Didn’t want to put her mouth to the food do you think I want to poison you? I asked but the chin stayed on the chest.
Waited till she’d finished washing dishes then I said come see here in the back is a surprise for you.
Pity about the hinge not fixed yet so there the lower door scuffed garrrr over the linoleum. Showed hr nicely you just pick it up slightly & I switched on the light in there & the room looked a bit barer than I’d thought the bulb cast a dark spot on the linoleum & the bed looked too high (remember to find another apple box tomorrow to put in front of the bed).
So this is now your room A. I said, yours alone for your convenience it’s for your own good you’re a big girl now, aren’t you. And I opened the little curtain taterata-a-a! and showed the black uniform dresses. That’s all you’ll wear six days a week then you can save your house clothes I said & I showed they all had nice extra long right sleeves as she likes it & I showed I had specially sewn on broad white cuffs for her.
Explained about the aprons one for every day of the week. See that they’re always clean & stiffly starched & ironed. Showed hr where all the cleaning materials & ironing board & the irons are & the borax & the turpentine for the starch & the blue for the whitening. Underlined I don’t ever want to see stains & creases on hr uniform when she’s working in the house & demonstrated how she must take turns heating the little irons on the electric plate but not red-hot so that they scorch the ironing & how she should iron the aprons under a damp ironing-cloth. The caps were the most difficult. I said I know you don’t like things on your head but you’ll just have to like it or lump it. Asked her nicely she must put on a clean one every day & pin it up nicely. Do you understand? I asked because she was just standing there & staring in front of her. I thought I’d show her how to put on the cap & I said I don’t want to see a strand of hair.
It’s nothing to be ashamed of or scared. It’s as it should be. You’ll be my special help here on Grootmoedersdrift I said. My right hand in your case my left hand & I pinned the cap in place & she held her neck stock-still. The little face actually looked quite small under the white band. I wanted hr to look in the mirror but the mirror was too high & and I was afraid it would crack further if I took it down so I said look into my eyes how do you look to yourself? — like a smart Dutch house but she looked right through me and didn’t look for her reflection.
Close your eyes I said because then I really felt quite queasy but she kept on looking at me like that so then I pressed 5 pounds into her hand. It’s more than the other servants together earn in a month I said & that will be your daily wage & if all goes well I’ll increase it every six months a penny saved is a penny earned. Showed hr the savings book. Will teach hr how to work with it hrself I said but nothing made her excited or glad. Stored her first note in it. Put it away again in its proper place I said but she didn’t move. Cat got your tongue? I asked & put the kettle on the stove & I showed the rusks and everything.
Don’t be ungrateful I said & if you have something to say say it now don’t nurse grievances but the mouth is set in a thin line. Have a nice cup of tea before you go to bed I said & you can let me know if there’s anything more you want. Don’t you say thank you, then? What kind of manners is this? Didn’t feel like hassling further so I issued the orders instead. 6 o’clock in the morning she must be at her post in the kitchen & make me a nice cup of coffee in the blue coffee pot with the proudpourspout and for the baas in his room on the stoep & milk & sugar & rusks on the tray and I don’t want to see a long face.
Suddenly out of the blue she asked where are my things what happened to my things? I showed hr the suitcase under the washstand. Do you think I want to steal your stuff? I asked. But by then I was feeling really sick couldn’t get to the house in time vomited copiously in the drain there next to the kitchen my stomach in revolt I took a bucket from the kitchen and said at her door throw water in the drain and wash away the puke because the dogs will come and sniff at it there & when I left I said lock your door at night remember you’re a big girl now there are no-goods about.
Well then, more I can’t do for her salvation & my pen is almost dry. Must remember to buy a new bottle of Quink.
Half-past twelve
Did after all just go & peek through the nursery window into the yard & her light is still on at least the door is closed now but the bucket is still just where I left it & there’s a smell of puke in the air in the yard. It will have to be as it wants to be. Too tired to talk once again. Must get to bed now otherwise tomorrow will be too difficult. The child feels as if it’s pressing down in me.
6
Agaat comes in with my midday meal. She speaks with cinnamon. It floats behind her, a pennant of persuasion.
She allows me my nose today.
I must rejoice in my privileges.
I must grit my teeth and put behind me the tooth-polishing and the post-planting, the windmill and the borehole, I must remember she’s also only human and she has her limitations.
As if that convinces me!
I must simply reconcile myself to the fact that she’s left me alone for hours on end the last few days.
I mustn’t hold it against her that she did no more than her duty, thoroughly and at the right time, but without blandishments, without words.
I must know I was asking for it.
I mustn’t be difficult.
I mustn’t go around signalling something that nobody on God’s earth can guess at. I must keep it simple please she has her hands full as it is thank you.
I mustn’t accuse her.
She does everything as well as she can.
She does her very best for me.