What had he paid for such immunity? For, like all of us, he too must have had his eagle, probably a more terrifying one than any other, to keep him going through the night.
People said lots of other things about him in cafe conversations and after-dinner talk. He was rumored to arouse a great deal of jealousy in the upper echelons, not to say at the topmost rung of the ladder, especially because he exhibited abroad. Among the other observations that he provoked, what people disagreed about most was the role he might or might not play in the life of the nation. Some asserted that he already did play a role by means of his work; others said not. We should expect more, much more of him, they insisted, all the more so because he could rest assured that nobody would dare try to bring him down. He was well aware he was untouchable. So why didn’t he take advantage of it?
“You’re the one who says they can’t get at him,” another would reply. “In the light of day, they’re powerless, I grant you that. But who can be sure that nothing could happen to him under cover or behind the scenes? An automobile accident, for instance, or a dinner that just happened to be off, and then, next morning, a splendid funeral, and finita la commedia! I’d go so far as to say that the irritation you can feel now and then on his account is there for him to hear the message: Aren’t you grateful to he still alive? What more do you want?”
“Ah, yes, I hadn’t thought of that,” the first speaker replied, aghast.
That’s what was said about the man, but as I walked just behind him, what was especially on my mind was that no one could have said that he’d earned the right to be seated in the stands by performing some ordinarily sordid act. So I kept on convincing myself blindly that I was taking advantage of some sliver of his immunity on the way to my seat, which was turning into something more like a way of the cross.
He passed a number of senior figures in the government (well, that’s what they looked like, to judge by their suits) and each in turn chucked his daughter’s cheek.
“That one looks after our newspapers,” he told his daughter with a smile, “and he’s our foreign minister.” He could have been showing her new toys.
At any rate, that’s the impression it made on me. Everything he said was imbued with the kind of ease that comes only from elevation — from the great height whence a man who already knows he is immortal can look down and comment upon the temporal affairs of this world.
“Who’s higher up, the foreign minister or the minister of the interior?” the little girl asked as the pair of them moved farther away from me.
I tried to catch up, to hear the answer.
“Well, now. . how can I put it? Interior affairs are unmistakably the most important.”
“But foreign ones are much more attractive!” the little girl protested.
He laughed.
“Do you mean dresses?” he asked. “You’re right!”
We were now almost underneath the grandstand. A security check far more stringent than the last awaited us.
I took my invitation card out of my pocket again and went up to the barrier. I don’t know why, but I thought I could hear a buzzing in my inner ear.
“ID!”
“Oh, of course. Sorry.”
A few yards farther on came the start of another zone, with an entirely different atmosphere. It was full of diplomats looking for their seats, delegations from abroad, and TV camera crews.
I strode easily across the few yards that separated me from it. I felt as if my whole appearance betrayed distraction, particularly the expression on my face, or, to be more precise, the smile that must have been on it. I was shown the access route to the C-1 stand, which I instantly forgot, until someone else showed it to me again. My left and right shoulders were constantly being bumped by other guests.
By what means did they get that far up? For an instant I thought that question was in every glance cast upon me, then the next instant I thought it was only in my own head. Everything was smothered in collective joviality, as if a generous helping of sauce had been poured over it all so as to even out the taste. From here on it’s just us. What we did to get here doesn’t matter anymore. When all is said and done, we all took the same path. The path that leads here. To the feet of Power, Heavenly Light, and Olympus!
A pair of watery eyes cast what I took to be a sour glance at me. Maybe my presence was an impediment to their enjoying the happiness they were about to savor. What’s this mere mortal doing in a place set aside for the elect? So he filed a report, okay. So he denounced someone, all right. But it’s far too soon to call him up here! If it weren’t, then half the population of Albania. .
But the nausea set off by those weepy eyes was soon dispelled. The brass band opposite the platform carried on, thumping out its rousing marches. The flags began to flutter a little more vigorously in the breeze, as if they knew it was nearly ten o’clock. I caught sight of Th. D. one more time, then lost him from sight. Maybe he was going on even farther. Perhaps up to stand B, or even to stand A..
The strange sensation of bewilderment persisted in my brain. It was probably euphoria induced by being so close to power. Flags and marching bands had a purpose, after all. They played their part.
My intoxication would surely have been complete if it hadn’t been for the taste of a funeral in the back of my throat. Suzana’s funeral. I had lost Suzana at the same time as I gained access to this stand. The flowers and the music and the august scarlet drapes would have been just as fitting to mark her passing. Her sacrifice. .
O Father, hear me! she implored
Young and innocent though she felt
Her sobs and cries could not melt
The stony hearts of men set on war
What I’d been reading in recent days about the sacrifice of Agamemnon’s daughter would not go out of my mind. The festive hubbub, the brass band, and the watchwords written on the red banners didn’t take my mind off the subject, they actually brought it back with greater intensity. Two thousand eight hundred years ago, a large crowd — just like this one, moving toward the grandstand — converged on an altar that was probably similarly draped in red.
Why are you all in such a hurry? — What’s going on? — Didn’t you know? — They say Agamemnon’s daughter is going to be sacrificed —
A rumor to that effect had been going around troop-infested Aulis for some days. It was true that the wind hadn’t stopped blowing, and the sea was still foaming around the ships anchored close to shore. But despite the weather, most people were puzzled when they heard the alleged reasons for the delay in setting out for Troy. Was it just the high wind, or was there something else? We had our fill of wind coming over here, more than enough of it. If the leaders are at loggerheads over something, like I’ve heard said once or twice, why don’t they come out and admit it?
“Excuse me, Comrade, do you have the right time?”
I was so lost in my own thoughts that if the man who asked me the time had touched my elbow, as people sometimes do, I would surely have jumped like a jack-in-the-box. And that would have prompted God knows what suspicions!