«No wonder he looks down his metal nose at us," Bantam said. The duo climbed inside: they had apparently stepped out onto the ledge from the men's washroom of the club Magfly. «Okay, this time I'll go in there by myself," Bantam said. «But if I come out all zonk-eyed, you slap me awake. Got it?»
Rachelle nodded.
Finding his way back to the door with the giant star and the words GASPAR THE GREAT blasted across it was not a problem.
Bantam steeled himself and opened the door …
… and found himself exiting the dressing room.
«What happened?» Rachelle asked him.
Bantam cursed. «I don't know. How long was I in there?»
Rachelle shrugged. «Only for a moment.»
«Well, I don't seem to be mesmerized.» Bantam said, slapping himself violently as he said mesmerized. «Ow!» he barked. «What was that for?»
«What was what?»
«Why did you slap me?»
«You slapped yourself.»
«No, I didn't," Bantam insisted.
«You are mesmerized," Rachelle replied — and at that word, Bantam slapped himself again. «That wasn't me!» Rachelle snapped.
Bantam scowled and shook his head. «Okay. One more try.»
He opened the door.
The small herd of horses ran over to Bantam as soon as he entered. Gaspar himself was in pieces: his head was inside a sphere, where it was receiving a treatment of oil on the jaw joints and buffing and polishing on the shiny parts. His legs were across the room where other smaller servant automatons were tuning them up, rebalancing them. His torso was open and his own hands repaired himself.
«Oh, you're back," Gaspar's head said, rolling its eyes. «How boring. I guess next time I'll have you drop yourself from a growler.»
«Wait!» Bantam said, bending to pet a mini-horse, figuring this would win him favor. «Wait. Just — wait. Before you do it again. I have a challenge for you. You think you're so superior to humans, don't you?»
Gaspar's head snorted. Several gears whirred and clicked in a transparent part of his head like grasshoppers. «Oh darling. You really don't know what you're playing with here, do you?»
«No. No, I probably don't," Bantam admitted. «But what about this? What if I can hypnotize you?»
Gaspar's head gave a crooked smile. «Impossible. Humans can't mesmerize 'tons.»
«But I'm good with magic," Bantam said, picking up a card deck and shuffling it. «And most humans can't do magic. Am I right?»
Gaspar didn't reply.
«Here," Bantam said, taking the top card from the deck and holding it to his forehead such that the 'ton could see the face and Bantam could not. «Seven of Spades. Jack of Hearts. Two of Hearts. Ace of Diamonds. Three of Hearts.» Each time, he pulled the card from the top of the deck. Now he drew from the middle in rapid succession. «Three of Spades. Ten of Clubs. King of Clubs. Queen of Diamonds. Four of Hearts. Shall I continue?»
«Not bad for a fleshy," Gaspar replied. «Not bad at all. Maybe you can work the Air Way platforms. But you'll never mes-mer-ize these iron eyes, sweetie. Cold water runs through my hydrologic veins, and it is ALL ice. Can't be touched. No human can do it, anyway.»
Bantam shrugged. «I don't know. You named yourself after a human magician, after all," he said. «Gaspar the Great — the original — was a --»
«I know who he was!» Gaspar exploded. Then the torso leaned over and snapped the head back on. «You want to have a contest? Fine. But if you lose, I’ll put you in lavender …. slowly! I'll have you fillet your own eyelids with a straightrazor. All that wet juicy flesh of yours? I'll pack pain in every nerve ending.»
«Okay," Bantam said. «You're on.»
The smaller automatons assembled the rest of Gaspar. When finished, he sat up straight in a wooden chair and said, «Very well. Make your attempt!»
Bantam took Gaspar's own watch and swung it in front of him.
After several painful minutes, Gaspar moaned, «It’s not working.»
«I know, I know …» Bantam said nervously. «Here. Let me keep trying …»
«No,” Gaspar said. «I no longer wish to waste my time. You have lost: time to pay up!»
«Wait!» Bantam said. «Wait. You have to give me a fair chance. This takes time.»
«No, it doesn’t,” Gaspar said. «I can do it in an instant.»
«Well sure. You’re hypnotizing a human. I’m hypnotizing a ‘ton! It’s harder.»
«Not really,” Gaspar said.
«Oh? Well I bet you couldn’t hypnotize yourself, for example.»
«Sweetheart, you must think me gulpy. You have no idea — “
«Yeah yeah. Big talk. You can’t do it. That’s why you’re anxious to shut me up.»
«I could do it if I wanted.»
«Then do it. Prove me wrong.»
Gaspar snatched the watch from Bantam’s hand. He swung it in front of his own face.
After a few seconds, Bantam said, «Gaspar.»
«Yes?» the ‘ton replied in a faraway voice.
«Are you under?»
«Yes. I did it.»
«Good, good. Now. I know you work for the Nazi’s — that you’re a courier. You have a message right now, don’t you?»
«Yes.»
«Give it to me.»
The ‘ton opened a compartment in its chest and handed a rolled piece of paper to Bantam. Bantam opened it. It read:
GIVE SOLDIERS THE WEEKEND OFF.
MAKE SURE THEY GET DRUNK.
That’s it? That’s the secret Nazi communique?
«Rachelle!» he called out. She came in and he showed her the paper. «What could this mean? Do you have any idea?»
«No,” she said. «Unless … unless they want the Army incapacitated. They want our guard down for some reason.»
«Yes,” Bantam said, snapping his fingers and feeling stupid. «Of course.»
The door opened. To Bantam’s horror, Veerspike himself entered the room with two Army men Bantam recognized from the base. His eyes popped wide when he saw Bantam — and even wider at the sight of Rachelle. Instinctively, Bantam pushed Rachelle behind him and gripped her hand.
Veerspike gave a sickly smiled and pulled out a gun. «Welly well. So here's where my fiancee has been. Kidnapped by the saboteur — who I thought was dead! Rampsman! How'd you manage that, eh? You think I tortured you before? That was nothing. The Pinion can be turned up much higher.» He turned to Rachelle. «Come on, darling. Step away from the prisoner.»
«No," Rachelle said. She was shaking.
«What's that?»
«No, Victor. Our engagement is at an end.»
Veerspike went white as a sheet. «What talk is this? It's been arranged. You're an Archenstone. I'm a --»
«Traitor!» Rachelle shouted. «You were the one who brought down the Pin! I'd only suspected — but since you're here to collect your next message from the 'ton, now I know it was.»
Veerspike's face melted into a hurt-puppy look. «Sweetheart. You’ve got it all wrong. He's the one. Bantam, the prisoner. He came to the 'ton to get his next message from the Nazi's. I had him followed here. He's got you brainwashed.» Veerspike stepped forward. «I'm here to arrest him.»
Rachelle was on the verge of tears. «I found the proton flame chemicals. You thought you hid them well enough, but you didn't. I know where you keep the whiskey. I wanted to know --! I wanted to know if you were still drinking or not. But instead I found … that. I didn't even know what it was until you planted it in Benjamin’s room and pretended it was his!»
Veerspike's eyes fluttered. «Benjamin. Benjamin, is it? First name terms with Benjamin, are we now?» Veerspike raised the gun. «A lady does not refer to a gentleman by his first name unless they are familiar.»
Veerspike was going to kill him. Right here, right now. Bantam saw it in his eye — the baroque, dull gleam of bloodlust.
Before he could pull the trigger, Bantam yelled out: «Gaspar! Mesmerize all three of them! Now!»
The 'ton's gears whirred and chirped in his head. He emitted a strange blast of sound and the air shimmered. Bantam found himself yawning and doing head-nods — but Veerspike and his cronies immediately slumped to the ground.