She frowned, then slowly slid her hand from his grasp, as if putting a buffer zone between them. Rick knew he needed to hurry and get this over with, because the truth might be better than what Josie was kicking up in her outrageous imagination.
I mentioned my wild days, when I traveled the world trying to find myself, right?
She nodded quickly, then brushed her curls away from her face. The way she sat, the way she held herself, he could tell she was bracing for bad news. She was so lovely there in the soft yellow lamplight. Josie was soft, curvy, beautiful. She was kind. She possessed a sunny, joyful spirit that shed generously shared with him. He could not damage that spirit.
I left out the details, he continued. I didnt know how to tell you about just how bad it really was. I still dontbut I know I have to.
Josie said nothing, but she nodded soberly, her eyes following the serpents twisted path up the front of his body.
When I got out of college, I was a pompous ass who didnt respect anyone or anythingI thought the world owed me. I treated women badly, and I mean spectacularly badly. I used them for sex and I manipulated them and I left them without a word of good-bye, all for sport.
Josie took a deep breath. Im familiar with the type.
I got into drugs, Josie. Coke and Ecstasy and psychedelics. Lot of pot.
I drank. I had access to what amounted to an unlimited trust fund, and I wasnt anywhere near mature enough to handle it. When I was twenty-eight, I ended up getting arrested for narcotics possession in Thailand, and would have spent the rest of my life in a rat-infested cell if it werent for my dads money and international connections. I have no doubt about that.
Josies eyes got big again, but this time they were brimming with fear.
Youd think that event would have scared some sense into me, but it didnt. I got back to the States and just kept doing the same shit here.
I was ruled by my egoI didnt want to hear anyone tell me that I was headed for disaster, but literally, I was on a collision course with it.
I have to stop you right here, Josie said, waving her hands above her head. She looked panicked. Whens the last time you were tested for HIV?
Even before shed asked, Rick knew thats where she was headed. It made perfect sense, considering the picture he was painting for her. Ive tested negative twice a year for more than seven years, ever since the accident. My last test was about two months ago. I know this is nothing to be proud of, but I did practice safe sex most of the time.
Thank God, Josie said, shaking her head and slapping a hand to her mouth. Rick thought she might cry.
Im telling you this because you have to know where Ive come from, Josie.
I care about you a lot, and Id like to have something real with you, and the only way to do that is with a foundation of full disclosure.
Jesus, she whispered, laughing in disbelief. I have another question I need to ask. Right now. Before you say another word.
Sure.
Did you ever get anyone pregnant? Do you have a bunch of kids running around the world?
Rick was pleased he could answer her with certainty. No. To my knowledge I never got anyone pregnant nor do I have any children. I would know if I did.
Youre sure.
Absolutely. I would have been hit up for child support.
And rightly so, Josie snapped.
I wouldve moved heaven and earth to be in my kids lives. Rick could see the relief on her face. Josie, thats not a responsibility I would take lightly.
Okay. Thanks, she said, looking away and biting her bottom lip. She tucked the comforter under her arms and pulled her elbows close to her sides, as though she were building a cocoon.
At this point, Rick half expected her to demand Teeny drive her home and tell Rick to never contact her again. He wouldnt blame her.
Josie turned back to him, her head held high. What else? Let me have it.
He paused a moment and studied Josie, a spark of hope growing in him.
Maybe she was stronger than he dared imagine. Her eyes were flashing with hurt and anger, but maybe she would come out the other side of all this in one piece.
The motorcycle accident. I wasnt the only one injured. There was a girl on the back of the bike.
Uh-huh, Josie said without emotion, as though it were too much for her to process.
There was only one helmet and I was wearing it. She suffered severe brain trauma and was in a coma for the last seven years. When I went back East a few weeks agowhen I didnt call you for coffeeit was because she had died. I went to her funeral.
Tell me about her. A single tear slipped down Josies cheek. She didnt wipe it away.
Her name was Margot Cummings, a girl Id known for most of my life. Our parents were in the same social circles. I dated her for a short time at Yale. When I got back to the States I ran into her at a party and decided to take her for a ride on my bike.
Josies mouth was pulled tight. What happened, exactly?
Rick told her. He told her about the drugs and the beer and the rain. He told her how he died on the operating room table and looked down on his own mangled body, only to wake up the next day, alive and in agony. He told her about rehab with Teeny, the dropped criminal charges, the pending civil lawsuit. He told her about his father dying and leaving him money. He told her exactly how much.
He talked for so long that the sun had started to come up. Every question Josie askedand she asked a lot of them over the hourshe answered truthfully. When she wasnt asking questions, Josie sat still in her little cocoon and listened intently.
Rick heard a rustling sound and looked over his shoulder to find all three dogs sniffing at the bed, tails wagging. Chen nudged his nose against the small of Ricks back.
I should let the dogs out, he said.
We should all get some fresh air. Josie got out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom. He watched her as she movedpink and round and female from tip to toe. He wanted to think of her as hishis woman, his love, his partnerbut he wasnt sure shed permit it now. Though shed been an amazing listener, he had no idea what Josie would do with all the information hed unloaded on her. He half expected her to come out of the bathroom fully dressed, with her bags packed.
It would take an extraordinary leap of faith for a woman to stick around after all hed just laid on her. It would take an extraordinary woman.
But, in truth, that was the only woman he would want to share his life with.
Josie reappeared, glanced at him briefly, then went into the dressing room. She came out a few moments later wearing a pair of jeans and a worn Stanford sweatshirt. She was the sexiest creature hed ever seen, and his heart felt as if it would break.
The dogs ran to her. She bent down and rubbed their heads, then picked up Tara and held her out at eye level. Look at you, you little cutie!
Lets go outside, everybody!
Josie opened the door and the dogs fled. She stayed in the open doorway, the sun spilling down on her. She shook her head slowly. So incredibly beautiful, she whispered.
Rick threw the covers off, hopped out of bed, and went to her. He stood behind her, pressing his body into her back. He wrapped his arms around her. Josie She shook her head to cut him off. Were all human, Rick. Were all imperfect. We all make mistakes…
He was about to agree but she cut him off with a shout, /And some of us just make huge fucking whopper mistakes that go on for years and years and end in catastrophe!/ Rick remained still, his heart banging in his chest. He was terrified.
He was terrified of losing her, and hed only just found her.
You know, Bethmy sistershe got mad at her husband the other day, Josie continued in a much softer voice, still looking out on the ranch. She told him he was as sexy as leftover meat loaf and a terrible father. She told him she didnt like the way he smelled.