Rick wasnt sure if he was expected to comment, so he stayed quiet.
Howie packed up and left, but hell be back, Josie said. People can do really stupid things when theyre depressed or have lost their way, you know?
I know, Rick whispered into her ear.
Howie will forgive her, because he loves her. Theyll work it out. But Beth will have to do her part to earn his trust again.
Rick pulled her tighter and closed his eyes.
Josie sighed. I guess all we can do is wake up every day and start over.
Her voice faltered. So, what I need to know… I guess what Im asking is… Rick felt her breath catch on a sob.
Every day, sweet Josieyoure exactly right about that. He leaned down and left a kiss on her cheek. I wake up every day and I know Im privileged to have one more chance to make things right.
She nodded softly and sniffled.
I can never change the past. All I can do is live today with integrity and balance.
That sounds like a laxative commercial or something, she said, sniffling again.
Rick smiled to himself, realizing how that could sound like mumbo jumbo, though it was anything but. If explaining his own personal credo helped Josie understand himand trust himhe was glad to do it. No matter what else is going on in my life, I wake up every day with the same three objectives: /Do no harm. Dwell in compassion. Train my mind./ If Im following that formula, I know Im living honestly and not ruled by ego or negative thinking.
I see.
I look at it as a daily dose of grace, but thats all it isa twenty-four-hour reprieve from my old ways. And I have a routine that I follow to keep me on track.
Josie turned her head to the side, just barely glancing over her shoulder. What kind of routine?
I abstain from alcohol and drugs, obviously, and I meditate for at least ten minutes a day, sometimes up to an hour.
Wow, Josie said.
I take care of my body with rest, good food, and hard physical work. I connect with nature in some way, every day. I also make a list in my head of all the things Im grateful for first thing in the morning and the last thing at night.
Okay, she whispered.
And, most importantly, I perform one act of service for someone elseit doesnt have to be a big thing, maybe just return somebodys grocery cart or pay their parking ticket or something, but I do it every day and I never do it wanting something in return.
Josie was still in his arms.
It reminds me that were all connected, that my actions affect others.
Rick paused. Im not saying I do any of this perfectly, but I do it.
I understand, she said softly.
You do?
Yes. Its your way of balancing out the damage youve done to yourself and others.
Rick smiled. You do understand.
Josie took a giant breath. Rick felt her rib cage expand under his embrace.
That was a big sigh. Want to tell me what youre thinking?
She turned in his arms, and when her eyes met his, he was immediately flooded with relief. Josie still wanted him. It was written all over her pretty face. She was going to give him a second chance.
Ive been so afraid I was falling for you too fast, that I was repeating my same old pattern, getting all ga-ga for a guy before I even knew who he was.
Rick nodded.
But now I know this isnt the same thing at all, she said, laughing uncomfortably.
No? Rick smiled.
Nopeits worse. Youve just laid out your messed-up life in a high-def, big-screen, surround-sound kind of way, and here I am, falling harder and faster than I did with all those other guys combined!
Oh. Rick lowered his forehead to hers and he held her there, waiting for her breathing to slow. At least you know exactly what youre getting with me, he said.
Ha.
Rick tucked his fingertip under Josies chin and tilted her face. He kissed her. It felt like a first kiss, tentative and sweet and full of hope. Maybe, Rick thought, thats exactly what it wastheir first real, true, intimate kiss.
When their lips separated, Rick asked, Do you want to try this with me?
Do you want to see where our relationship goes?
Yeah, I do. Josies gaze was steady. Do you?
More than anything.
Then thats what well do, she said, giving him a cautious smile. Well follow your formulawe wont hurt one another, well be honest and kind, and well keep our thoughts positive.
He hugged her close.
I cant meditate worth shit, though, she mumbled into his chest.
Well work on that together, he said.
He held her for a long time, all the while thinking, /This is one extraordinary woman./ In the silence of his heart, in the morning sunshine, Rick was grateful for Josie Sheehan and second chances.
Hed covered a lot of ground in a short time. New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Indiana were already behind him. Bennett decided to exit the highway outside a town called Peru, Illinois, grab some lunch, and see if he could spot a coin laundry. He wanted to run some of his new Wal-Mart wardrobe through a wash cycle.
He ate his tuna salad on white from the corner restaurant while his clothes went around and around in the dryer. He couldnt help but notice the young girl at the opposite end of the laundry, alternately watching /Judge Judy/ and staring at him. She looked to be just barely out of high school. Too thin. Dirty blond hair parted in the middle. A top that barely covered the bottom of her small breasts and a pair of jeans that barely covered the crevice of her behind. It was scandalous the way young women dressed these days. When he was a young man, one could only see this much flesh at the beach, in the pages of /Playboy/ magazine, or, if fortunate enough, in the privacy of ones own bed.
Like what you see? We could go to your car.
Bennett blinked, his mouth full of tuna salad. The young lady was sauntering over to him. She leaned a hand on the back of his orange plastic Laundromat chair. Bennett swallowed, then patted his mouth with a thin paper napkin.
I am not interested, he said, looking away.
Her laugh was hoarse, which made sense because her skin and clothingwhat little she woresmelled like the Marlboro Man after a month on the range.
How do you know youre not interested unless you see what youre missing?
She brought her hands to the bottom of her skimpy top, threatening to expose herself.
Bennett jumped from the chair, threw the remnants of his sandwich into the wastebasket, then checked his watch. His clothes had another ten minutes until they were dry, but he would spread them out on the backseat if necessary. He moved toward the bank of dryers.
Oh, come on, old man. Cant get it up anymore? Maybe you just havent been with the right girl As soon as her hand touched his upper arm, he swung open the dryer door, which knocked her away.
Watch it, asshole.
Bennett shoved his damp clothes into his Wal-Mart bag and headed for the door. What was wrong with this world? When had the fairer sex become so hostile? So aggressive? So foulmouthed? When had young girls become sexual predators?
I was going to give it to you for twenty-five, she said from behind him.
Bennett spun wildly, nearly losing his balance. His breath was coming hard.
Change your mind, daddy? The smirk on her face was repugnant.
I had a daughter your age once, he said, feeling dizzy now, hearing his voice waver. Her good-for-nothing boyfriend got her pregnant and then he killed her.
The girls brown eyes squinted and she took a step away from him. Hey, dont freak out on me, grandpa.
Is that what you want for yourself?
She laughed uncomfortably. All I want is twenty-five bucks.
Did you get your diploma?
She blew air out of her lips. What are you, a truant officer or something?