“Unfortunately, the president is not being allowed to take calls, Mr. President — now or ever,” Kasimov said matter-of-factly. “I must inform you, Mr. President, that the actions of your armed forces over Turkmenistan have been monitored and analyzed by Russian military forces, and they are the principal reason for the imposition of martial law.”
“Ya nee paneemayoo, Colonel General.”
“I would be happy to explain. The downing of our MiG-29 was a completely unprovoked and irrational act of murder. You have introduced deadly offensive warplanes without permission over sovereign Turkmen airspace. Since these are stealth aircraft, designed and employed to deliver weapons of mass destruction on a first-strike, preemptive basis, the presence of such aircraft over Turkmenistan represents a deliberate act of war between the United States and the Republic of Turkmenistan. Under the provisions of the treaties between the Russian Federation and Turkmenistan, the actions of the American military forces over Turkmenistan have left us no recourse but to declare a state of war between the United States and the Russian Federation.”
“What are you saying?”
“The following regulations are to be imposed immediately,” Kasimov went on, as if reciting a well-rehearsed script onstage. “American citizens who are not representatives of the U.S. government have twenty-four hours to leave Turkmenistan, or they may be detained at a location of our choosing without cause or explanation for an indefinite period of time. Any diplomatic or embassy personnel may stay but will be restricted to the embassy in Ashkhabad.
“Any uniformed Americans entering or already inside Turkmenistan without my express written permission shall from this moment forth be considered combatants and will be treated per the Geneva Conventions. Finally, any agents of the American government without proper credentials verified by the Russian government will be treated as hostile enemy provocateurs and will be imprisoned, tried by a military field tribunal, and, if found guilty of espionage, summarily executed. Do you understand all these things, Mr. President? I do not wish for there to be any misunderstandings between us.”
“Ya paneemayoo, Colonel General,” Thorn replied.
“In English, Mr. President — I would not want you to claim that you gave the wrong response because of your poor command of the Russian language.”
“I understand, Colonel General,” Thorn said in English. “Now, you had better understand this. Are you listening, Colonel General? I would not want you to claim you did not hear or understand my response to you. I shall provide you with a translator if you would like.”
“Please proceed, Mr. President,” Kasimov said with laughter in his voice. “I need no translator. And please speak in English. My command of English is much better than your Russian, I’m afraid.”
“Very well. You may tell President Sen’kov and General Gryzlov that the United States will use every tool at our disposal to protect and defend American interests anywhere in the world, including the Republic of Turkmenistan.”
There was silence on the line for several minutes. Finally Kasimov asked, “Is that all, Mr. President?”
“That’s all, Colonel General.”
“Well, I will certainly pass along your dire warning to my superiors,” Kasimov said, the humor still evident in his voice. “In the interest of safety, Mr. President, may I suggest that you inform me of the whereabouts of any American agents or combatants in Turkmenistan right now? If they agree to give up their weapons and go peacefully with my men, I promise to you that they will be released unharmed to your embassy in Ashkhabad within twenty-four hours. Is that agreeable to you, sir?”
“That is a very reasonable offer, Colonel General.”
“Then you do have combatants inside Turkmenistan, sir?”
“We do.”
Kasimov paused, obviously surprised to hear Thorn admit to all this. “Well, then, sir, I think we can quickly come to an agreement to protect and preserve these men’s lives. Please advise me what forces you have in Turkmenistan, their approximate numbers, and their locations, and we shall attempt to make contact with them. If your military commanders can inform them that we have a deal to protect them, no harm should come to them.”
“I don’t know their exact designations, Colonel General,” Thorn said. He paused for a moment, then said, “Could you hold the line for a moment, Colonel General?”
“I’m very busy, Mr. President. It can be only for a moment.”
“Thank you.”
What in hell was he doing?
A few moments later another voice came on the line: “Colonel General Kasimov?”
“Who is this?”
“My name is Major General Patrick McLanahan, United States Air Force,” Patrick McLanahan replied. “I have been directed by the president of the United States to answer your questions regarding our forces in Turkmenistan.”
“Is this some kind of joke, General?”
“I’m just following orders, sir.”
“Very well. What ground forces do you have in Turkmenistan right now?”
“We have one Battle Force team on the ground now, outside Mary and in Chärjew.”
“And the composition of this team?”
“Eight soldiers, plus a support team of twelve.”
“Eight? I assume you mean eight squads, or perhaps eight companies…?”
“No, sir. Eight men.”
“One squad? Eight men?” Kasimov said warily. He thought that this McLanahan was joking with him now, but the man seemed perfectly at ease and forthcoming. Was this some kind of game? “Any other combatants in Turkmenistan, sir?”
“Yes, Colonel General.”
“How many? Their description, please?”
“Stealth warplanes,” McLanahan said casually. “All defensive in nature, but quite capable of supporting our forces on the ground.”
“How many?”
“The number changes with the threat,” McLanahan said. “The more troops you send in to Turkmenistan and the more targets we uncover during our reconnaissance, the more stealth aircraft we’ll send.”
“For what purpose, sir?” Kasimov asked. “What is your intention?”
“First of all, Colonel General, the Russian Federation just declared war on the United States,” McLanahan said. “So we damned well will destroy any Russian aircraft, vehicle, or warship we encounter. For example, I’m looking right now at a squadron of eight Mi-28 attack helicopters parked outside a hangar at Krasnovodsk Airport. It appears they’re being fueled and readied for a mission.”
“We have no such helicopters at Krasnovodsk, sir.”
“Ah… well, you certainly don’t anymore, Colonel General — because they’ve just been destroyed,” McLanahan said casually.
Kasimov motioned to an aide, who immediately lifted a radio to his lips. They did indeed have Mi-28s at Krasnovodsk, and they were indeed getting ready to deploy them, first to Ashkhabad to cover the occupation of the city, then to Mary to start hunting down the Taliban. “You find this humorous, General McLanahan?”
“It’s certainly an unusual way to go to war, isn’t it, Colonel General?” McLanahan responded. “Now I’m looking at an intelligence-gathering vessel several miles off the coast from Krasnovodsk in the Caspian Sea. My intelligence officers tell me that it is a Type 394B-class spy ship and that it was probably responsible for trying to spoof our diplomatic-mission aircraft into going off its flight plan, where your fighters would then have a reason to shoot it down. The ship has Cyrillic characters and the number five ninety-one on the side — yes, that checks, it’s a Type 394B, the Kavkaz, if my information is correct.”