It was pitch-black inside and smelled of chlorine. Gillian felt someone take her hand and guide her. Careful, steps. Then they were suddenly standing in front of the pool. A little moonlight came in through the big plate glass windows. Outside she could sense the park, big trees and shrubbery. When she turned, she saw the others were already undressing. The boys let their clothes fall on the floor and ran hunched over to the pool and dropped into it. From the water they looked tensely at the two girls. The cook was still in her underclothes, she had enormous breasts and wide hips. She got completely undressed, and with unexpected grace walked over to the pool and down the steps into the water. The boys had turned to her, and together they swam to the glass wall at the far end. Gillian took advantage of the moment to take her clothes off too and get in the water. Edo left the group and swam over to her. She only had a vague memory of the next hour, kisses and touchings and whisperings. The other trainees climbed out of the water, they chased each other around the pool, careful not to make any noise. She watched the boy with long hair wrestling with the fat girl, who broke away and ran off a few paces, wheezing with laughter. The boy caught up to her, there was more wrestling. Later on they disappeared down a corridor in the darkness. The two other trainees stretched out on deck chairs and passed the wine bottles back and forth. Edo kissed Gillian’s throat, and instantly she forgot the others. She shut her eyes, he put his arms around her, she let him, but she didn’t dare touch him. He stopped kissing her, laid his head on her shoulder, as though he didn’t need it anymore. She couldn’t see his face, but she felt his hand. She was lifted up till she was almost on the surface of the water. Suddenly a brief, stabbing pain, and he was inside her. She didn’t feel pleasure, but she could feel her body as rarely before. Afterward there was an emptiness in her that hadn’t previously existed.
She pushed off from the wall and swam to the steps. Edo came after her. Side by side they sat on one of the top steps in the shallows, paddling at the water with their hands, which touched sometimes as though by chance. I love you — had he said, or had she wanted him to? I love you, she whispered, and he, I love you too. Suddenly there was blue light everywhere, she didn’t know what was happening, then she saw that it came from the water. One of the trainees had switched on the underwater lighting. The other leapt up from his deck chair and ran over to him, wine bottle in hand, and the two fought over the light switch. They kept interrupting their struggle to take a pull on the bottle. Edo had turned onto his front. She saw her body and his glow yellowishly, only the parts that were outside the water were gray. The water seemed viscous, oily, spilling over her belly. She hoped it would get dark again, she felt Edo going away from her in the light. She wanted to draw him to her, but he freed himself and stepped out of the pool. He hissed at the two fighters and switched the light off, but he didn’t go back in the pool.
A quarter of an hour later, they said goodbye outside the staff rooms. The apprentice with the long hair was snogging the fat girl. The others would surely go on drinking into the early hours.
I have to go home, said Gillian. Edo didn’t even ask her if she wanted to come up to his room. He kissed her, but it felt different from before.
Barefoot and with wet hair, she ran home. The next day she had a cold.
Oh, that’s nice, said Jill and she went on moving. When she had come and opened her eyes, she could feel a tear running down her cheek. Hubert asked if anything was the matter. Nothing, she said, and laughed, I’m happy.
They were lying side by side when they heard the door to the dressing room.
Someone’s just thrown their costumes down on the floor and left them, said a man’s voice.
Jill pulled the covers over their heads, and they waited breathlessly for the voices to go away. Then they stood up, crept back into the dressing room, and quickly put on their clothes.
Their having slept together changed their lives less than Jill had expected, it was as though the nights were a different world into which they dived together. The next morning Jill had only a dreamy recollection of the night just past. When they made love, Hubert always wanted to leave the light on. He didn’t take his eyes off her when she got undressed. His hands went all over her body. Sometimes he got up to look at her from a distance, or he would bend her knees and spread her legs like a doctor checking the flexibility of a joint, until, half laughing, half irritably, she would grab him by the hair and pull him to her and kiss him. His kisses were chaste like a child’s, as if he were far away and unattainable. He moved and swung her around like an object. Sometimes she had to tell him not to be rough with her. The nicest moments were when they lay there side by side, touching each other abstractedly. Once she asked him if he had found her desirable when he painted her back then.
Of course I did, he said, maybe that’s why I didn’t succeed in painting you.
And now? she asked.
Why should I paint you? You’re here.
A few days later he asked if it would bother her if Lukas came up here on vacation. Jill didn’t know what to say, the idea made her a little bit nervous.
Astrid would bring him, he said.
Does she know about me? asked Jill.
Yes, he said, but not that we knew each other before.
Hubert and Jill drove down to the station to collect Lukas.
You didn’t say she was bringing her boyfriend, said Jill.
That’s because I didn’t know, said Hubert angrily, and went off to welcome Astrid, Lukas, and Rolf.
During the ride back there was silence. Only Astrid made an effort at conversation. She talked to Hubert as to an invalid, praised the beauty of the scenery and the weather as though they were all his doing. She made no mention of their last visit. While Astrid spoke, she leaned forward. Rolf and Lukas clowned around behind Astrid’s back. Jill parked outside the house.
Come on, said Hubert to Lukas, I’ll show you your room.
The two of them disappeared upstairs. Astrid and Rolf followed Jill.
Why don’t we sit outside for a bit?
Astrid asked what work Jill did.
I’m in charge of entertainment in the vacation club next to the cultural center.
Astrid asked what that involved, but her interest didn’t seem very deep. I’ve never gone to such a club, what kind of people take their holidays like that?
Rolf said he had gone to a club once when he was a young man. Loads of singles, and a party every night. Fun, I suppose.
People who don’t know what to do with themselves, said Astrid.
For a moment, Jill felt sorry for Rolf.
In our club we mostly get families with children, she said. Recently, Hubert’s started giving painting classes there.
Oh! said Astrid, apparently genuinely taken aback.
There was silence. Astrid stretched out and sighed, as though to prove that she felt at ease. After a while, Hubert and Lukas came out of the house holding hands.
What train were you going to take? asked Hubert.
I haven’t picked one yet, said Astrid.
The trains always leave at twenty of, said Hubert, if we hurry, you can be on the next one.
Shouldn’t we take a little walk? asked Astrid. Seeing as we’ve come all the way up here.
Rolf pulled a map out of his rucksack and said he had seen there was a power place very close by, he wouldn’t mind seeing that. Hubert rolled his eyes, but Jill said that was a good idea.
You don’t believe in that flummery, do you? asked Hubert.