It’s nothing you have to believe in, said Rolf. Most of those places are just very beautiful and have a special resonance.
They walked along the road for a while, then followed a narrow path into a small dip and then up a slope. There, surrounded by a wooden fence, was a large boulder exhibiting many small indentations.
That’s a stone with cup and ring marks, said Rolf, you find them all over Europe. Presumably they were prepared by Bronze Age people for purposes of worship. Look, here’s a zodiac.
And there was a wheel with spokes etched into the stone, though, admittedly, it didn’t look terribly ancient. Jill traced it with her finger. Rolf silently contemplated the stone.
Well, feel anything? asked Hubert with a grin.
Take your time, said Rolf amiably enough. You need to find a silent place in your thoughts. You won’t see your reflection in a rapidly flowing stream.
While Rolf was inspecting the rock, Astrid stood silently by. She seemed to be thinking about something. Lukas had run farther on up the slope. There were a few stunted birches up there. He had sat in the grass and was looking down at the grown-ups. Jill wondered what the little boy made of them. When she’d been a girl she had known power places long before she had understood what they were, places she had withdrawn to, that had a significance for her that no one outside could grasp.
It’s all about creating a hierarchy of space, said Rolf to Hubert — surely that’s what you do as an artist, isn’t it?
On their way back, Astrid involved Jill in a conversation, and they walked so slowly that the two men were away off by themselves in no time. Lukas kept running back and forth between the two couples, till Astrid told him to stay with them. Rolf and his father had something to discuss. When they caught up to the men outside the house, Jill looked questioningly at Hubert. Then Rolf and Astrid said goodbye to Lukas, and Hubert drove them to the station.
Jill suggested a game to the boy, or offered to read him a story, but he shook his head and disappeared inside. When Hubert returned, she asked him what Rolf had had to discuss with him.
Search me, said Hubert. It was something about reconciliation. I told him I couldn’t see us getting reconciled as I didn’t have a problem with him. Then we talked about Astrid. I wonder how much longer they’ll be together.
She sounded me out, said Jill. She wanted to know how long we’ve been together and how we got to know each other, all those sorts of things. I almost had the sense she was jealous.
Of course she’s jealous, said Hubert. What did you tell her?
That you’re happy, said Jill.
The two weeks with Lukas went by quickly. Jill was amazed how much time Hubert had for the boy. Often they went hiking, or in the evening they told her how they had spent the whole day damming a mountain stream or clambering around on some rocks. Sometimes they came into the club and visited her in her office or swam in the pool. When Hubert was teaching his course, Lukas played with the visiting children. As the only Swiss kid, he was quite a hit with his funny accent. On days that Jill had off, they went on trips together. Lately, there had been some sightings of the bear that was supposed to be in the area. Lukas often asked about it, he seemed to be at once afraid of it and fascinated by it. Every time he heard something rustle, the boy asked if it was the bear.
Sure, said Hubert, he’s coming after us.
Don’t frighten him, said Jill.
Lukas only calmed down once they were above the tree line. While Hubert and Lukas went scrambling over the rocks, Jill dropped off to sleep. When she opened her eyes, the sky overhead seemed almost black, although the sun was still shining. There was no sign of Hubert or Lukas, only sometimes she heard a laugh or shout in the distance. It seemed to her as though her accident had never happened. She was married with a child and had a perfectly normal life, like everyone else. The past years were an illusion, the life of somebody else.
That evening she put Lukas to bed for the first time. She told him off for skimping on brushing his teeth and watched as he slipped into his pajamas. Then she had to help him look for his teddy bear, and he wanted to hear all about the real bear again.
Have you seen him ever? he asked.
No, said Jill. He’s very shy, he likes to stay out of sight.
Doesn’t he have a family, then? asked the boy.
No, said Jill, I think he’s still a juvenile. He’s just exploring. He’s curious about the world. I think bears like to be by themselves.
I don’t, said Lukas.
I don’t either, said Jill. She kissed the boy on the forehead and called Hubert.
When Lukas was picked up at the end of two weeks by Astrid, Hubert seemed to be less affected than Jill. She had said goodbye to him after breakfast and gone to the office, but she was unable to concentrate on her work. She stood by the window and looked out onto the grounds. We are all one big family here, her boss liked to say. For a week or two at a time they lived that illusion, on “du” terms, taking their meals together around big tables, playing sports and guessing games, flirting with each other. But on the day of departure, it all fell apart. At breakfast the guests were in a hurry, the parents were short with their children for not getting a move on, there was a line at reception, because they all wanted to pay their bill, and the lobby was full of islands of luggage on which the children sat like little castaways. Many went off without saying goodbye. At noon, there was a hush over the whole place, meanwhile the maids were working frantically upstairs, removing the traces of the departed. In the afternoon the next load of visitors arrived, and everything started all over again.
Jill went home earlier than usual. Hubert was sitting in the garden, sketching. When she went up to him, he shut the pad with a clack.
There, we’ve got our peace and quiet back again, he said. Would you like a glass of wine? He told her he’d had lunch with Astrid, and she had told him her relationship with Rolf was at a crisis. I don’t know what the problem is, he said, she didn’t want to say anything in front of Lukas, and just dropped hints. I think he wants children, and she doesn’t. He seems to be the conventional one in that relationship. An esoteric and a square.
Is it square to want children? asked Jill.
She’s just too old for him, said Hubert, I told her that all along.
And does Astrid want you back now? asked Jill.
So what if she does? said Hubert after a brief hesitation, as though the possibility had only just occurred to him.
The semester starts in a month, he said over breakfast. Jill looked at him and didn’t say anything. The college only needs me to be there a couple of days a week, he said, three at the most. The rest of the time I could spend here. What do you think?
She nodded. If that’s what you want.
Hubert would drive down on Wednesday evening and come back just after midnight on Friday, on the last train. When Jill picked him up at the station in the car, he was in a good mood, talking about the students, his time with Lukas, visits to galleries and cinemas. After the vacation, there were fewer guests at the hotel, and the painting course was suspended, but that left Hubert time to get on with his own work. When Jill asked him about it, he was evasive. He didn’t like talking about a current project, he said. In the evenings, he withdrew. He had set up a kind of studio in Jill’s old room upstairs. He would disappear into there while Jill read or watched TV. Around midnight she would knock on Hubert’s door. He stuck his head out, gave her a kiss, and said he’d be along in a minute. She undressed and brushed her teeth. She stood in front of the mirror for a long time waiting, but Hubert didn’t come.