Shanna grinned. "Neither was I. But these old Vamps are so medieval, it's all they know. Did you know my husband was a monk?"
"I didn't know that." Toni followed Shanna into the right wing. She wondered how old Ian was exactly, but didn't want to draw attention to her interest in him. "Are all the guys medieval?"
"No. Gregori's young. Roman transformed him in 1993, when some Malcontents attacked him outside in the parking lot. Poor guy was just picking up his mom from work."
"How sad." Toni grimaced. But it did explain how he managed to have a mortal mother who was still alive. "What about Connor and…Ian?"
"They were transformed after some battle in Scotland in the 1500s, changed the same night, so they've always been close. Roman changed Connor, and Angus changed Ian."
"They wanted to be changed?" Toni asked.
"Oh yeah. They were both mortally wounded. It was either be changed or die." Shanna entered a room on the right. "This is our fellowship hall, where everyone visits after church. I just want to make sure everything's ready."
The room had two long tables, both draped in long, white tablecloths. It was obvious that one was meant for Vamps, and the other one for mortals. The mortal table boasted a cheese/deli tray, a veggie and dip tray, a bowl of punch, and a plate of chocolate chip cookies.
The other table had two large bins filled with ice and bottles of blood. The microwave was in the center of the table, flanked by rows of glasses.
"Ladies, the service is starting," a male voice spoke from the hallway.
There was no mistaking that deep, lilting voice. Toni's heart fluttered in her chest. When she turned to face him, her heart did a bigger flip.
"We'll talk later." Shanna patted Toni on the arm, then hurried from the room.
Toni approached Ian, and her heart speeded up under his intense scrutiny. "I need to talk to you."
He raised his eyebrows. "Are ye ready to finally confess yer secrets?"
Her face heated. All the other Vamps had trusted her from the beginning. Only Ian had suspected her of a hidden agenda. "How do you know I have secrets?"
He leaned close and whispered, "Yer heart is racing. Yer cheeks are on fire." He smiled slowly. "And now yer eyes are flashing an angry, but lovely, shade of green."
"You're like a human lie detector." She glared at him. "It's very aggravating to lose the option of lying."
He chuckled as he curled a hand around her elbow. "They say confession is good for the soul."
The sound of singing drifted from the chapel. Deep, male voices. The Vamps were singing a hymn.
"Why does a Vamp worry about the state of his soul?" she whispered. "You could live forever."
"None of us live forever."
"So you're praying for salvation?" She guessed that made sense. Who would need redemption more than a vampire?
"I pray for many things, Toni." His hand slid down her arm, then lingered by her fingers. "I pray ye'll trust me with the entire truth."
And she would pray that he understood.
CHAPTER 15
Ian found comfort in the old, familiar chants and prayers. Over the centuries, the world powers could change, technology advance, mortal friends pass away, but Mass remained much the same. And the scent of Christmas remained the same. He breathed deeply, enjoying the scent of fir tree garlands and lit Advent candles.
Tonight there was another scent, one that kept luring him away from holy thoughts. Type AB positive. His favorite flavor. It emanated from Toni, who sat beside him in the back row. She'd removed her jacket and folded it on her lap. Her hands clenched together so tightly her knuckles gleamed white. What had happened to make her desperate enough to reveal her secrets to him?
When he'd first wakened and realized she was gone, he'd checked her tracking device on a computer. She'd gone back to that psychiatric hospital. By the looks of her clenched hands and pale face, something at the hospital had upset her. Was it somehow connected to her taking the job as their guard?
Father Andrew began his homily, and Ian tried to focus on the priest instead of the heavenly body next to him.
"As you know, I never reveal anything I hear during confession," Father Andrew began. "But I would like to speak tonight about a common thread I've heard many times, and each time I hear it, it grieves me greatly. Many of you believe you don't deserve happiness or love. You feel you are not worthy."
Ian heard Toni breathe in sharply.
"Whereas a mortal has one short lifetime to experience regret," the priest continued, "a Vamp can live much longer and rack up a greater amount of regret and guilt. Some of you believe you've taken the grand prize in unworthiness, that there is no hope for your soul. You fear God can never forgive you. And because of your self-condemnation, you're unable to forgive yourself."
Toni pressed a hand to her mouth. Ian saw her eyes were squeezed shut. What was wrong? He hoped she wasn't going to cry. He couldn't bear to see a woman cry.
"You know your past failures, your mistakes," Father Andrew said. "But know this, too—you are still children of the Heavenly Father, and your Father loves you."
A small noise came from Toni that sounded like a stifled whimper.
"Do not believe you are unworthy of love, for God loves you. And do not let your past sins torment you. If God can forgive you, why can you not forgive yourself?"
Toni jumped up and ran out the back door.
Ian stared at the closed door. Dammit to hell. Why would she be so upset? He'd seen her personnel file. She was only twenty-four years old. Her worst offense was a bloomin' traffic ticket. She was an angel compared to the bloody Vamps in this room, himself included.
Father Andrew droned on and on and showed no sign of stopping anytime soon. And Toni was off somewhere, crying.
He slipped out the door and followed the sound of her sniffles. She was sitting in the refreshment room, doubled over with her face in her hands.
"Toni, are ye all right?" Stupid question, he chided himself. The lass was crying.
She sat up and wiped her face. "I'm okay."
"What's wrong? Did the priest upset you?"
"I'm sure he means well." She stood and wandered toward the table of mortal food. "I'm sure he's right about forgiveness, but…"
Ian stepped closer to her. "But what?"
"I–I've never been able to forgive myself."
"Lass, what could ye have possibly done? Ye're so young and…innocent."
She turned toward him, and he winced at the sight of her tear-stained cheeks. "I–I let my grandmother die."
He hadn't expected that. "It must have been an accident."
"I didn't mean for it to happen." Tears streamed down her face.
He couldn't take it, so he pulled her into his arms and rubbed her back. "What happened?"
"I was in middle school, and by then, my grandmother's health wasn't very good. I learned to do the chores. And I was used to getting myself up in the morning, and fixing my lunch, and catching the bus. I always hugged Grandma before I left."
Ian could see that Toni had learned to be strong and independent at a young age.
"One night, Grandma was having trouble sleeping. I could hear her up a lot. But that morning, when I came in to say good-bye, she was sleeping well. I didn't want to wake her, so I went on to school. But when I came home that afternoon, she was still there." Toni stepped back and grabbed a napkin off the table to wipe her face, but the tears kept coming. "She died while I was gone."
"Sweetheart, she died naturally. It wasna yer fault."
"But I knew she'd been sick the night before. I keep thinking about what I should have done differently. If I had called 911 that morning, she might have lived. Even my mother said I'd done a lousy job of taking care of her. She wouldn't let me live with them after Grandma died. She sent me to a boarding school."