"Your uncle was the one who betrayed you." Toni tamped down on the anger she'd been squelching for hours. First Ian had tried to order her around. Vanda had treated her like a lowly worm. Carlos had somehow forgotten to tell her he was a shape shifter, even after she'd told him about vampires. And Sabrina was acting like they'd ruined her life instead of rescuing her.
Toni gritted her teeth. "I'm sure Carlos can't help being born a shape shifter, no more than I could help being born an illegitimate embarrassment."
Sabrina yawned. "That's it, isn't it? You accept all these…weirdos because they're outcasts, and you've always felt like an outcast, too."
Toni started to argue, but paused. Sabrina could be right. She'd always felt a natural empathy toward anyone who felt unworthy or didn't fit in. Ian's fear that he didn't deserve true love because of his jaded past—that had touched her deeply. It had made her determined to prove him wrong. And her eagerness tonight to jump into danger to rescue Vamps—was she still trying to prove she was worthy?
"I can't believe you're working for the Undead," Bri grumbled. "I mean, you get attacked by vampires, and then you go to work for them? That's crazy."
"There's a world of difference between the Malcontents who attacked us and the Vamps I've been working for." Toni poured soup into two bowls and brought them to the table.
"They both look violent to me." Sabrina sat at the table and yawned. "I'm so tired."
"You've been on some strong meds." Toni set two spoons on the table.
Bri rubbed her eyes. "I can't believe I saw one of my best friends turn into a panther."
"We'll try to get you back to a normal life as soon as possible. You'll need your IDs. Do you know where your handbag is? Shady Oaks or your uncle's house?"
Bri ate some soup while she considered. "I don't remember much. I think it's still at Uncle Joe's house."
"We'll get it back."
Bri frowned. "When you say we, you mean you and that vampire?"
"Yes. Ian."
"He was bossing you around."
"He was anxious to keep me safe." Toni had realized too late how vulnerable she would be. She'd always fought well in practice sessions, but the good Vamps fought with honor. The Malcontents resorted to vanishing and taking hostages. "It's hard to compete with a vampire."
"Exactly." Bri set down her spoon. "You can't compete with them, Toni. You don't belong in their world. Whatever possessed you to join up with them?"
"I did it for you. I wanted to find proof that they existed, so I could prove you weren't delusional."
Bri's eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry. Here I am, giving you a hard time, when you've been such a good friend. You've always been there for me."
Tears burned Toni's eyes. "Careful, or we'll both start blubbering."
Bri sniffed. "It scares me for you to be with those creatures. I don't want to lose you."
"You haven't lost me."
Bri frowned. "You said you were in love with him."
Toni set down her spoon. "I am."
"How long have you known him? A week?"
"A little bit longer." Toni took her bowl to the sink.
"But not very long. Can a relationship forged that quickly last an entire lifetime?"
Toni rinsed out her bowl, then cleaned the saucepan. Bri's comments stung, but she knew her friend was truly concerned about her. "I'm not sure how things will work out." Or if they even could. "But I do know I love him."
"He's very good-looking, I'll grant you that, but Toni, he's dead."
"Only half the time."
"You want half a life?" Sabrina yawned again.
"Go on to bed. You're exhausted." Toni took her bowl to the sink.
"We've been working on our plan for ten years."
"I know." Toni rinsed out her bowl.
"You can't live in both worlds, Toni."
She turned and saw Bri climbing into bed. The same bed where she'd seen Ian in his death-sleep, where she'd touched the dimple in his chin. "I really do love him."
"It was a chapter in your life, but it's over," Bri whispered. "Just like the hell I've been through the past week. It's time for us to move on."
Toni turned down the lights so Bri could sleep. Then she collapsed in the easy chair. A dull ache was spreading in her chest. It grew more and more as reality sank in.
For the last ten years, she'd clung to their mission of the orphanage. It had kept her going when the workload from school had seemed too hard. It had given her a noble purpose and identity when she'd felt unimportant and unworthy. She hadn't expected Ian to come into her life, or love to bloom in her heart and make her feel whole.
A few times during the last week, she'd felt pulled between two worlds—her new world with the Vamps and her old world with Bri. When Ian had offered to help her rescue Bri, she'd felt elated, as if the two worlds were finally connecting and she could have both.
The ache in her chest intensified, squeezing her heart. What if the two worlds could never coexist? What if she was forced to choose? How could she fail Sabrina after all they'd been through? How could she ever give up Ian?
It was midmorning when Toni awoke in the large bed. She glanced at Sabrina sleeping peacefully beside her and wondered where Ian was spending his daily death-sleep. Probably next door with the other guys.
She showered and skipped her morning affirmations. They seemed like a cruel joke now. Yes, she was worthy to be loved, but that didn't guarantee it would work out. She dressed in her uniform and slipped her cell phone into a pants pocket. Time to go see the bear. Her supervisor.
She took the elevator to the first floor, then strode down the hall. What kind of bear was he, anyway? A friendly little brown Boo Boo Bear or a huge grizzly? An image flitted through her mind of Howard turning bright yellow and fluffy with a sunburst on his tummy. She snorted. Well, why not? If vampires could be real, so could Care Bears.
She passed some mortal employees going about their daily work. As far as they knew, they were making synthetic blood for hospitals. They were, actually. They had no idea that the night shift consisted of Vamps who were making Chocolood, Blood Lite, Bubbly Blood, Blissky, and Bleer.
Night and day. Two different worlds. Could she possibly live in both?
She passed by Constantine's closed nursery. She missed the little guy. As she walked past Shanna's dental office, she noted the sign on the door. On vacation, will return soon. Shanna, who managed to exist in both worlds, still had major problems keeping herself and her family safe.
Toni entered the MacKay security office. "Hi, Howard." Don't think of him as a bear. "Sorry, I'm late."
"No problem. You haven't missed anything." Howard sat behind the desk, looking like his usual cheerful self. "Not much going on today."
Not a grizzly, Toni thought. Far too friendly and easygoing. Maybe a pink Cheer Bear. She sat beside him just as he pushed the doughnut box her way.
"Thanks." Toni hesitated with her hand halfway in the box. There were plain doughnuts and bear claws. She quickly grabbed a plain one and scanned the monitors. She could see Sabrina still sleeping in the silver room. Phineas and Dougal were on the twin beds in the guardroom, while Ian lay dead as a doornail on the floor. Poor guy. Though he would hardly notice a hard floor.
"So I heard it got rough at the Horny Devils last night." Howard grabbed a bear claw from the box.
"Yeah, pretty grisly." She winced and crammed the doughnut in her mouth to keep from talking.
"Like a virgin," a female voice sang.
Toni sat up and looked around.
Howard chuckled. "Your pants are singing."
Toni jumped up and pulled the phone from her pocket. She opened it, cutting off Madonna's claim that she'd been touched for the very first time. Carlos's idea of a joke, no doubt. He could laugh all the way to hell. "Hello?"