Two footmen clad in liveries of the family colors, gold and green, were dispatched to collect their bags and trunks from the hackney. Nicholas would sleep in the nursery, and Jillian would sleep in the room next to the nursery until the children and their nanny returned. Charlotte was assigned her former bedchamber.
After they’d all eaten, Jillian volunteered to put a sleepy Nicholas down for his mid-afternoon nap. Charlotte dearly wished she could follow, but the look on her sister’s face told her an explanation would not wait until after she’d rested.
Jillian and Nicholas had barely departed the dining room before Katie marched her down the hall and into the morning room. She steered her past the piano and harp, and dragged her down onto the chintz settee to take a seat beside her.
“You left because of what we discovered about our mother, didn’t you?”
Charlotte took a deep fortifying breath, for she had to be convincing above all else. “That might have played some part in my decision to leave, but it wasn’t the whole of it. I met a man two months prior to the wedding. We fell in love.”
Katie’s jaw came unhinged, but soon shock gave way to disbelief. In the narrowing of her eyes, suspicion dawned clear and blue.
“I know it sounds extraordinary does it not? I mean Alex had been the love of my life. But I realized what I felt for him was a blind devotion. A case of mad passion. Perhaps even the want of something I believed I could never have. I mean truly, Alex interested in me? I was not at all the kind of woman who could hold the attentions of a man like him for long. Neil—that was his name—was more…accessible. ”
The disbelief faded from her sister’s eyes and the puzzlement returned.
Charlotte pressed on, relieved at the progress she’d made. “In the end, although, I cared deeply for Alex, a marriage between us would have been a mistake. But I should not have waited so long to tell him and should have had the courage to tell him to his face. For that I will always be more ashamed and sorry than you can ever imagine.”
“But how could you leave me? Have you any idea what we—what I went through these past years without you, without being able to even write to you? One-sided correspondence might suit your purposes but it didn’t mine.”
Upon her return to England, Charlotte had planned to tell her sister about the letter threatening to expose the truth about who their mother was. But with the dowager gone, what good would it serve? Whose good would it serve? Katie had had a difficult enough time in society.
“If you knew how much I regret what I did but it had to be that way. I knew if I told you of my plans, you would tell James. And if James knew, it was only a matter of time before Alex discovered. That wasn’t a risk I could take.”
“But even if Alex did discover you’d fallen in love with someone else, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world. You didn’t have to run away.”
Charlotte couldn’t very well tell her it would indeed have been the end of the world as they all knew it. Alex would have seen right through her lies and gently coerced the truth from her. Following would have been a Rutherford family scandal far eclipsing the revelation of two illegitimate daughters. And Alex’s titles would have been tarnished by his association with her. Everyone would have suffered. And then of course there was Nicholas…
“But why—”
“Katie darling,” Charlotte implored, taking her sister’s hand in hers, “no more questions on this subject for now. Please.”
“Forgive me if I assumed as your sister, your twin, I would receive more consideration.”
“Later, I will explain it all. Why I allowed so much time to pass. Why I didn’t tell you about Neil and Nicholas earlier. I promise I will.” Charlotte gave her twin’s hand a gentle squeeze. “But please don’t press me on it now.”
“From your maid’s accent, I gather you’ve been residing in America?”
Charlotte gave a brief nod.
“James had investigators throughout the Continent but I don’t believe he ever thought to look there.” Katie spoke as if she were speaking to herself. “Have you come to stay?” she then asked, her cerulean blue eyes intent.
A heavy sigh escaped Charlotte’s lips. That was a question she had yet to answer herself. She would like nothing better than to remain. The only person she would truly miss if she left America was Lucas, and he traveled to London on business often enough for them to remain in contact.
“I’m not certain.”
Katie opened her mouth, and then quickly snapped it shut. Silence dragged for several long seconds before she spoke. “Whatever your reasons for your continued secrecy, I hope you know there is nothing you cannot tell me.”
But there were also things that would only cause her sister needless distress, and Charlotte wouldn’t inflict that pain upon her. It was enough that she knew and carried the shame of the secret.
“Katie, will you tell me about Alex?” Charlotte asked in an abrupt change of topic. The question had festered inside her for too many years. She had to know.
Her sister’s gaze sharpened just enough for Charlotte to don her mask and exclaim defensively, “What? I might not have married him, but I did care for him deeply. Naturally I care how he fared.”
After a pause, Katie’s mouth softened. “Well, to say your leaving hit him hard would be a vast understatement. He was like—well like I’d never seen him before. Frankly, he turned into a man I never care to see again.”
A needlelike sting of pain accompanied every beat of Charlotte’s heart upon hearing her sister’s words. She’d wanted to know but now she wasn’t certain. But her insatiable need to fill the gaps of those years without him urged her to delve in true masochistic fashion.
“What did he do?”
Katie swallowed, briefly looking down at their joined hands. “The truth isn’t pretty and may be difficult for you to hear. Are you sure you want to know?” she asked, looking Charlotte in the eye.
Charlotte held a breath and nodded, steeling herself for what was to come.
After a prolonged sigh, Katie began. “He was already at the church when James told him. He left soon after, no doubt in shock and grief. James was left to inform everyone the wedding was off. Of course, he was also frantic with worry. We all were.” Censure was blatant in her sister’s tone. Charlotte squeezed her hands, attempting to convey just how sorry she was to have caused them even a moment of distress.
“After a day or so Alex joined James, Thomas, Mr. Wendell and Lord Bradford in the search for you.”
Charlotte briefly closed her eyes. These were the things she’d tried so hard not to think about. Her family, her friends searching for her. Worrying themselves over her. Only the knowledge that she’d saved them from certain social ostracism and grief made the ordeal bearable. And of course, then Nicholas had come, needing her just as much as she’d needed him.
“Oh, they were all quite discreet about the matter. To this day everyone believes you’re residing somewhere in the north of England. James wanted it so. The gossip surrounding your departure must have kept every printing press running non-stop for well over a year. He had no desire to feed the frenzy by admitting that we had no idea where you were. Anyway, when your first letter arrived two weeks later, Alex abandoned the search. I believe it was then he was convinced you had left of your own volition. It probably would have been easier for him if he thought you’d been taken by force.”
Katie sighed and extricated her hand from hers. Charlotte instantly missed the warmth of her touch. “After hearing you were settling into your new home, he seemed to close himself off entirely. He wasn’t sad anymore he was just…empty. Then he started drinking. And carousing.”