They stood in silence and watched Andy and Gavin from across the room. The two men seemed deep in conversation. Elaine spoke in a small voice. “When I first found out I was pregnant with Laura, I was scared out of my mind. I never intended on having a baby. I wanted to have a good time with my husband, travel, build my career.”
Miranda smiled. “I bet you changed your mind.”
“Not right away. It took me months to get adjusted to the idea of having a child, and even then I wasn’t sure if I made the right decision. When I held her in my arms and looked into her face, I knew we’d created a miracle. Imagine that, Miranda. A little person who is half you and half the man you love.”
A wave of pain burst over her and left her choked for breath. She bit her lip hard and hung on.
“With Stephen, I was able to embrace my pregnancy because I was less afraid.”
“Children will do that,” she said. “You focus so much on giving them everything you need, you forget to be afraid.”
“Except times like this. Right now, I’m more afraid than I’ve ever been in my life. Children will give you the greatest joy you can experience, but at the same time, they rip out your heart and cause you the greatest pain.”
Miranda watched Gavin give Andy a hug. “Yes, I can imagine they do.”
She muttered an excuse about needing the water fountain and moved away. God, she needed some distance. The sound and scents of the hospital opened up raw wounds not yet healed. She edged down the hall and focused on the television hung on the wall in the waiting area. Spongebob Squarepants cackled and flipped crabby patties across the screen.
Strong arms slipped around her waist and pulled her against his chest. The top of Gavin’s chin rested lightly on her head. “What are you thinking about?”
Miranda sighed and leaned more heavily into his muscled warmth. A strange emptiness filled her. “Nothing.”
“You’re lying, I can tell.”
She arched one brow. “How?”
“You can’t look me in the eye.”
“Darling, I’m not facing you at the moment. It’s physically impossible to look you in the eye.”
“See, my point exactly. What were you and Elaine talking about?”
“What were you and Andy talking about?”
He let out his breath in a soft whoosh. “Even utterly exhausted you always have to challenge me. Ok, I’ll give in first. We were talking about kids.”
She stiffened. “I see. What did you discuss?”
“The way they change a person’s life.” He paused. “Don’t you agree?”
Her chest tightened. “I guess. Want another cup of coffee?”
“No.”
“I’ll get one.”
“You put it back up again, didn’t you?”
The vise around her heart squeezed a notch. “What are you talking about?”
“The wall,” he muttered. He studied her defensive stance with hard eyes. “What are your views on children, Red?”
She lowered her voice. “Why do you suddenly want to know? Sleeping with me doesn’t give you the right to judge my choices about children. Since marriage was never an option between us, I don’t think we have anything to discuss.”
A muscle worked in his jaw. Over six feet of masculine fury towered over her. “I’ll let that remark pass since we’ve had a hell of a night.”
Her lower lip trembled. “I don’t want children.”
He jerked back as if struck. Miranda wrapped her arms around herself for warmth. A strange mixture of grief and disbelief shimmered in stormy blue depths. “Why?”
Miranda hesitated, then broke eye contact. He was getting too close, and she needed to shut down the conversation. She spoke the words carefully. “I’ve changed, Gavin. When a woman has a child, she doesn’t belong to herself anymore. For the rest of her life, she’s responsible for another human being. I don’t want that.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “No messy emotions, huh? The same requirements you demand from your relationships now?”
Fury and regret tightened every muscle in her body, but she refused to give in. Not here. Not now. It was so much better to forget. “Leave me alone. I’ve had enough.”
She pivoted on her heel and walked out of the waiting room.
Chapter Nine
Gavin studied her profile in the flicker of headlights. She leaned her head wearily against the side window and stared out into the night. Her clip loosened, and strands tumbled over her shoulder, shielding her from view. He listened to Daughtry sing about coming home, and allowed the thought he’d pushed away all evening to surface.
She hadn’t cried.
His gut twisted. Miranda Storme used to be a woman who burst into tears at Hallmark commercials. Sad songs on the radio. Old movies. Operas. She’d taught him it wasn’t weak to cry, because she’d been the strongest woman he’d known.
They’d spent most of the night waiting for the final word and helping her friends cope. When the doctor finally came in to tell them Stephen was out of danger, Elaine lost it and jumped into her husband’s arms. Andy caught her with trembling hands, obviously fighting back his own tears.
Miranda collapsed on the seat with relief and closed her eyes. A variety of emotions passed over her face, but when she re-opened her eyes, she’d been back in control.
He’d caught glimmers of that woman this past week. In moments of passion, she seemed to surrender. She yelled at him now, and laughed too loud. But tonight, she’d calmly informed him she didn’t want children, and remained tearless after an emotionally draining evening.
Gavin let out a humorless laugh.
Karma was a bitch.
He pulled in the lot and turned to her. He waited for a response, but her words were like a polite stranger’s. “Would you like to come up?”
He needed to finish this. Dig deeper and find out if there was any way to save their relationship. “Sure. Maybe we can have some of that designer tea you drink.”
She looked at him strangely, as if trying to read his thoughts, then rummaged through her purse for her keys. They walked inside and flicked on the lights. “How about some Sleepytime?” she called from the kitchen.
He paused by the window. “You actually have a tea called Sleepytime?”
“Yep.”
“Sure, what the hell. Tea always made me nervous. It reminds me of a witches brew. You never know what you’re really drinking.”
Her laughter floated through the room. “You’re a coffee man at heart. Coffee drinkers never get along with tea drinkers.”
He pulled back the chic linen curtains and studied the rows of blinking lights outlining the bridge. The Hudson River snaked along in the background and gleamed silver in the moonlight. Stars streaked a blue-black sky and mocked his sudden gloomy thoughts. He wondered if she drank cappuccino anymore. They’d spent many nights in small cafes, chairs pulled close together, talking and laughing as they sipped from an array of espresso and cafe latte.
Now she drank tea.
Gavin shook his head in disgust. He was acting ridiculous. His mood had nothing to do with her drinking tea. The root of his worry lay in the knowledge she’d never be able to surrender her entire self, because she’d lost the ability to trust. At least with him. Maybe the final wall would never be broken.
“Tea’s ready.”
Her silky voice ruffled his nerve endings. The familiar scent of strawberry and cream teased his nostrils, and he knew that in her own way, she’d achieved the ultimate revenge. Even if he walked away, she’d ruined him for any other woman. Gavin fought the rage of emotions that shook through his body and tried to keep his voice even. “Thanks. I’ll be right in.”