‘Leo’s Jack’s best friend. He’s been asking me to step out with him, but…’ She heaved a great sigh. ‘Thank you!’ Her face relaxed, the deep lines on her forehead disappeared, and she suddenly looked ten years younger. Leo would be pleased.
The applause began to our left, one person, then another, and suddenly the entire auditorium was putting their hands together. Susan Parker took the opportunity to sit down in the chair.
Stephen Bailey, on the other hand, took the opportunity to mutter, ‘Bollocks!’ under his breath, just loud enough for Alison and me to hear. He jerked his head toward the stage. ‘I’ll wager that Parker woman has spies out in line while we’re waiting to get in. Silly cow was probably rabbiting on about her poor dead Jack out there, and how she’s having a bit of how’s your father with Leo.’
Alison’s elbow scored a direct hit where she shared an armrest with her father. ‘Shhhh.’
From the chair on stage, Susan raised a hand. ‘I’m looking for someone named Lisa.’
From a row in front of us and to the left, someone shrieked, and three young women leapt to their feet. ‘I’m Lisa!’ one of them squealed, then pressed both hands to her mouth and continued to squeal.
‘Are you sisters?’ Susan asked.
Well, that was obvious, even to me. Same height, same build, same chestnut-colored hair. The way they giggled in unison at the same decibel level, pummeling each other with their elbows.
‘I have a father figure here,’ Susan continued.
A fresh chorus of eee-eee-eees erupted from the sisters.
‘He wants to apologize.’
The girls’ heads bobbed in unison.
‘This is difficult.’ Susan stood up and walked to the edge of the stage so she could face the three women directly. ‘Did he end his own life?’
On the overhead screen, the girls stood silent and grim, like the See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil monkeys. The girl named Lisa, hand still pressed to her mouth, nodded silently.
‘He wants me to tell you that he’ll be there on the aisle. Do you understand that?’
A sister who wasn’t Lisa spoke up. ‘Yes! I’m getting married next week!’
Susan said, ‘He’s going, “Uh, uh, uh…”’
‘Oh. My. God! That’s what Dad does when he’s thinking!’ the third sister screeched.
‘Do you ever lose your car keys, Lisa?’ When Lisa nodded, Susan said, ‘Your father says to tell you that he steals the keys. So when they go missing, it’s just a reminder that he’s watching over you.’ Susan raised a hand. ‘Hold that thought, Lisa. Somebody else is coming through.’ A pause, listening. ‘I have a message for Brenda. Brenda? Where’s Brenda?’
A spotlight began sweeping the audience, looking for Brenda, too. It settled on a woman in the back row who seemed to be struggling to her feet with the help of a younger companion. When she was finally upright, gripping the back of the seat in front of her, Susan said, ‘This must be a night for sisters because I have a woman here who says she’s like a sister to you.’
‘Oooh!’ On the overhead screens, Brenda’s eyelids fluttered and her eyes rolled back. I thought she was going to pass out.
‘Why is she doing this?’ Susan pressed her hands together palm to palm, like a supplicant angel in a Renaissance painting.
‘Oooh, oooh, oooh,’ Brenda managed, swaying dangerously.
If Susan was cold reading, relying on verbal clues from this woman, she was out of luck. ‘She loves you, Brenda. And she’s reminding you to take your meds!’
Brenda steadied herself as if preparing to hear more, but Susan waved a buh-bye hand. ‘That’s all, I’m afraid. The spirit was willing, but the signal was weak. She’s gone.’
The sisters in the front row were still hugging each other and dithering when Susan turned her attention back to them. ‘Lisa! One more thing. Your father says he’s not particularly happy about the tattoo, but he’s glad you got it in a place where it won’t show.’
‘It’s on her bum,’ one of the sisters volunteered, bouncing up and down on her toes. Lisa began tugging at the waistband of her jeans and I feared she was going to moon the audience in order to prove that, once again, Susan Parker, Medium and Clairvoyant, was right on the money. Fortunately, two clearer heads and two pairs of hands prevailed and the three sisters sat down.
Back on stage, Susan Parker was taking a break. She twisted the cap off a bottle of water, poured half of it into a glass and drank deeply. After setting the glass down on the table, she paced, studying her shoes. Suddenly she snapped to attention, held up a hand. ‘Someone else is coming through. Yes, yes, I hear you.’ Susan turned to face the audience. ‘It’s a woman, and she’s showing me a flower. What kind of flower?’ She closed her eyes for a moment. ‘Is it a lily? A pansy? Wait a minute.’ Her eyes flew open. ‘Thank you! No, it’s a rose.’
The guy carrying the Steadicam rushed up the aisle near us, and pointed his lens at the stage. The boom camera, its red eye blinking, began to scan the audience, a brontosaurus, looking for fresh meat.
‘You, sir,’ Susan said, pointing in our direction. ‘You in the yellow tie.’
As the guy with the Steadicam closed in, Stephen Bailey pressed his hand to his chest in a classic who-me? gesture.
‘Dad! She’s talking to you,’ Alison hissed, elbow working overtime. ‘Stand up!’
Bailey unfolded slowly, rising to his feet by degrees, eyes wide, like a deer caught in the headlights.
‘She says her name is Rose. Who might this refer to?’
Bailey looked blank. ‘Nobody I know that’s passed on. There’s a Rose who cuts my hair.’
Susan stared thoughtfully at the ceiling, fingers tapping her lips. ‘She’s saying that she’s sorry she broke your heart. Do you know what she’s talking about?’
Bailey shrugged.
‘Now she’s showing me an engagement ring. No, wait a minute. Not an engagement ring. It’s a signet ring of some sort, with a red stone.’
‘Never been engaged to anyone but my Doris, miss, and Doris, she’s been gone these six years.’ Alison squeezed her father’s arm reassuringly as he continued, ‘If you can bring me a message from my Doris, then I’ll give you a listen.’
Susan faced the Steadicam and smiled brightly into it. ‘Rose’s message must be intended for someone else, then.’ As the camera followed her closely, Susan once again addressed the audience. ‘I have a message from Rose.’
The spotlight swooped over our heads and settled on a man at the far end of our row. ‘Had a girlfriend once named Rosie,’ he volunteered. ‘Wore a ruby ring, too, Rosie did.’
‘Stand up!’ Susan said. ‘Don’t be shy!’
‘Told you!’ Stephen Bailey crowed, collapsing into his seat. ‘It’s a load of codswallop.’
Alison patted his knee. ‘Never mind, Daddy.’
‘You were right about one thing, Mr Bailey,’ I whispered as the audience learned of the tragic break-up of Rosie and James back in 1963.
‘What’s that?’
‘That bit of tape with you on it?’ I made a snipping motion with my fingers. ‘Cutting-room floor.’
NINE
‘Dubois has responded by calling Randi “senile” and “unintelligent”, and stating that she has “nothing to prove” to him, remarking that whereas believers such as herself live in the afterlife after they die, skeptics will “look around and go, ‘oops!’”’Allison Dubois, quoted at www.allexperts.com
Early the next morning, I drove Cathy Yates to catch the eight-fifteen from Totnes so she could connect through Paddington to her mid-afternoon flight out of Heathrow. She still refused to drive the rental car.
On the way to the train station, Cathy told me that she planned to contact her Congresswoman, Karen Tuckerman-Webb, a pitbull of a woman who had made her mark in politics by standing up to Nancy Pelosi on the issue of universal health care. I pitied anybody who got in the way of either Cathy Yates or Ms Tuckerman-Webb. It could get ugly.