A long, long silence. ‘What stopped you?’ he asked gruffly.
‘I don’t know. I think it was pride on some level. When I killed him, I wanted him to know who was taking him out. I wanted to feel the bastard’s blood on my hands. Maybe then I wouldn’t remember having Michelle’s there.’
His hand clenched on her shoulder, an involuntary reflex. ‘But you didn’t kill him.’
‘I just couldn’t.’ She shrugged. ‘I guess you did something right when you raised me.’
‘I did a lot of things right, Scarlett Anne.’
‘Well.’ She filled her lungs. Swallowed hard. ‘Regardless, it’s not a very good way for a cop to operate. I’ve caught myself close to the edge too many times to remember. So when Isenberg tells me I’m risking my career, I’m not so upset. I’d rather lose it for Marcus than because I beat a suspect to a pulp because he beat his child to death. Because you were right. I’m not cut out to be a cop. I’m not tough enough.’
He stiffened. ‘What the hell, girl? What do you mean, I was right? You’re a damn fine cop, Scarlett. I have never said otherwise.’
She pulled back to stare at him. ‘Yes you did, the day I got into the Academy. I was so excited, but you said my heart was too soft, that the force would chew me up and spit me out.’
He blinked at her in disbelief, but she held his gaze steadily, waiting for him to remember. She saw the moment that he did, because he paled. ‘You weren’t supposed to hear that,’ he said quietly. ‘I said that to you mother. In our bedroom.’
‘I got up to go to the bathroom and I heard you arguing.’
‘No, you heard me venting.’ He closed his eyes. ‘Dammit, Scarlett. You were still hurting from Michelle. You were like a walking ghost. I was shocked you even passed the psychological. Anyone with eyes could see you were broken.’
‘I wasn’t broken, Dad.’
‘No? What do you call stalking a perp and waiting to shoot him when he takes out the trash?’
She flushed. ‘Okay, I guess I deserved that.’
He huffed in frustration. ‘Look, you only heard part of that conversation. Your mother told me that you were a lot stronger than I was giving you credit for. That the two of us had raised you to know your own mind. That I needed to trust you. So I did. I didn’t say anything to you. I kept my fear to myself. Because I was afraid. You did have a soft heart. You still do. But you know what else your mother said that night?’
She shook her head. ‘No. What?’
‘That you came by that soft heart honestly. That you got it from me. That of all seven of our kids, you were the most like me. She was right. And it’s your heart that makes you a damn good cop.’ His voice trembled and he cleared his throat. ‘And I’ll punch the lights out of anyone who says otherwise.’
Scarlett pursed her lips, her eyes filling. ‘Don’t go punching people,’ she whispered hoarsely. ‘You’ll lose your pension.’ She quickly swiped her knuckles under her eyes, wiping away the tears before they could leave streaks on her cheeks.
His chuckle was wet. ‘Can’t have that. Your mother only stays with me for my retirement package.’ He cupped her face in one of his big palms, his eyes glittering with a few tears of his own. ‘Why didn’t you come to me and talk about this? At least yell at me? Why did you keep this inside you all these years?’
‘Because I wanted to prove you wrong. I wanted you to see that I could be a good cop too. That my heart wasn’t too soft.’
‘Soft, baby. But not too soft. You couldn’t have survived all this time otherwise. You would have pulled the trigger on that bastard Bracken and you would have beaten the child abusers. You wouldn’t be Detective Bishop. You might have cracked, but you didn’t break.’ He hugged her to him and gave her a little shake. ‘And if you’d talked to someone – like your father – then all this anger wouldn’t be building up to the level where you’re doubting yourself.’
‘I didn’t want you to see the anger,’ she confessed. ‘I didn’t want you to know how close to the edge I was.’
‘So you kept your distance. All this time.’ He sighed heavily. ‘Dammit, girl. So what are you going to do about it?’
‘Stick with Marcus. He said he can’t see the anger I’m so afraid of. I think it’s because I’m not angry when I’m with him.’
Understanding flickered in his eyes. ‘He’s your valve.’
‘Like Mom is yours.’
‘Well then. Bring him to dinner on Sunday. Your brothers will want to meet him. We’ll all have a little chat.’
She laughed. ‘Don’t worry. He got the talk from Tommy this afternoon.’
‘Tommy? You mean Shoeshine Tommy?’
‘The very same. I keep track of him and some of the others. He’s spending time at the Meadow these days. He witnessed one of the perpetrators in my case fleeing the scene yesterday. His and Edna’s testimony will ensure that a little prick named Drake Connor gets charged with murder here in Ohio on top of the murders he’s done in Michigan. He shot that girl in the alley and tried to kill Marcus too.’
‘I didn’t know you were keeping track of Tommy too.’
‘Too?’
‘Sure.’ He shrugged. ‘I still need my shoes shined and sometimes I don’t have time to do it myself.’
Scarlett knew better. Her father had never gone to Tommy for the actual shoeshine. ‘But he doesn’t have his stand anymore.’
‘He still has his shine kit. I seek him out when I have a free minute or two. Not as frequently as I’d like. But he never mentions seeing you.’
‘Because I threatened him if he told anyone. He wasn’t supposed to tell Marcus.’ She scowled. ‘I take care of him and the others and they make sure I get informed when they see trouble. Just like you used to all those times we’d go see Tommy for a shoeshine. I was telling Marcus today how you used to take me with you.’
‘You looked so cute in your pink tutu,’ he said, a smile in his voice. ‘You had to have your ice cream too. Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip from Graeter’s. Always.’
‘Always.’ Scarlett’s throat thickened again, her chest so tight that it hurt. But it was a good hurt. ‘I didn’t understand why you went to Tommy for a shoeshine back then, but I do now. I didn’t need the Academy, Dad. I learned how to be a cop by watching you.’
His chest expanded on a sudden deep breath that he shuddered out, followed by another harsh exhale. ‘Thank you, baby.’
‘It’s the truth. That’s why it hurt so much when I heard what you said. I wanted to be like you.’
He cleared his throat roughly. ‘You know I love you, right?’
‘Yeah.’ She leaned her head on his shoulder. ‘You know I love you back, right?’
He hugged her to him, hard. ‘Yeah. So are we okay? There are no other misunderstandings we have to deal with?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said cheekily. ‘I’ll think about it and get back to you.’
He was laughing softly when her cell phone began to buzz with incoming texts. Instantly focused, she read each one, smiling with satisfaction. ‘CSU decrypted Drake Connor’s flash drive and found all kinds of interesting stuff – including pictures.’ She clicked on the first one. ‘This is the unidentified man in that graduation photo, except in this photo he’s shaking hands with Chip Anders.’ She glanced up at her father. ‘Anders is the asshole who bought Tala and her family.’
Fury sparked in his eyes. ‘Explosives where the sun don’t shine.’
‘You got that right. The photo is tagged – the man’s name is Kenneth Sweeney.’ She tilted her phone so that her father could see. ‘This next one is Anders and Demetrius Russell. Anders is taking delivery of the Bautistas. That’s Anders’s living room. I was there yesterday. These are grainy photos, but the decor is recognizable.’
‘The photos were taken with a hidden camera,’ her father said. ‘Anders wanted assurance that he wasn’t going to be double-crossed. No honor among criminals.’