I forced my brain to shut off its stream of unwelcome thoughts. I inhaled deeply before letting the air out of my lungs in a slow exhale. I had to sleep. I had a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I fancied using parts of the mosquito net to build a proper fish net. Yes, that would ease the fishing process, help save me some time. Best of all, it didn’t require me to tie any kind of fancy-schmancy knots. Even now, I stood by my belief that a net was better than a spear to catch fish—no-matter what Explorer Extraordinaire Anne-Marie thought. If she wanted to spend hours on end crouched by a pool with a stick in her hand, so be it. I didn’t have that kind of patience and my feet had enough of those damned icy cold waves.
And just like that, my missing companion had found her way back into my mind again. Hell, the mere thought of her brought a tired smile to my lips. Aggravation aside, I hoped she was alright. And she was safe. And she was—
My mind stopped dead in its tracks, breath caught in my throat. When had I started caring? Did I… did I actually miss her?
“Yer heid’s full o’ mince,” I scolded myself, but I knew it was too late for such recriminations. It would seem I’d learned something new today. Anne-Marie may get on my last nerve regularly, but loneliness was far worse.
19. AURORA BOREALIS
Living off fish and berries was quite easy, although very boring for the most part. The repetitiveness of the actions was beginning to annoy me. Wake up, collect dew water, pick the berries, wait for the tide pools to fill, get a fish. Wait until the day ends to cook. And then eat. And then go to sleep. Rinse and repeat.
I contemplated adding to our shelter, making it more comfortable somehow, but decided against it. For me, it was enough as is. Our shelter… I kept calling it that, even though it was solely mine now. Was it because Killian and I had built it together? Or was it because I hoped that grumpy old man would come back soon? But a week passed and then another. No sign of his return.
Nothing had changed; except, everything had. I was alone now, truly alone. And there was little doubt that winter was coming. The signs were everywhere if you took the time to look for them. The fish were starting to get scarce, the berries I once loved and cherished fated to freeze. And that was inevitable for every other piece of vegetation this island had to offer.
The only thing that hadn’t been frozen was my anger and bitterness at Killian. How could he be so stubborn as to leave me like this? How was it that, in a life-or-death situation like the one we found ourselves in, he chose separation rather than togetherness? Togetherness meant warmth! And soon warmth would mean life! Had he not known that? Or was he just too far removed from his common sense to care? Either way, the frost was on the way, with the snow not far behind.
As I looked at the bare berry bushes one morning, I was tempted to curse and scream. But I held it in. What was the point in throwing a tantrum when there was no-one to see it? But damn, it was getting so cold and it was only mid-September. How much colder would it get? Was it a fools’ hope to think we could make it through the winter on this island?
I made my way back to the shelter under a beating rain, wondering what other options were available. I’d long since internalized the fact that no one was going to come and save us, so we would either find a way to survive the winter or build ourselves a way out of here. But that meant building a boat, which we didn’t have the material for.
Looking at the agitated water in the distance, I tried imagining how big a raft we’d have to build to make it past the wave barrier. It’d need to be a large structure: heavy enough to keep from toppling over, but light enough to float. Manoeuvrability would also be an imperative, which meant figuring out both propulsion and steering.
Looking at the pathetic excuse of a shack we’d spent weeks building, I had no choice but to admit we also lack the knowledge to risk it. We’d just have to wait out the cold.
The next morning, I woke up to a thin blanket of white sparkles on green leaves. Frost covered every visible inch of grass and leaf alike. A cough racked my lungs at the sight. I could feel my nose was clogged up. It must have been an exceedingly cold and bitter night. I wrapped a blanket around me, even though I was wearing two layers of clothes already. If only things weren’t so damp all the time.
It was safe to say that summer was well and truly over, my shivering proof of this reality. I realised that I needed to warm up on a much larger scale, so I decided to start my morning off with a quick jog. I ran the length of the beach at a steady pace, overextending my arms and legs alike. I did my very best to get the blood pumping, flooding its warmth to the extremities of my body.
When it came to Mother Nature, cold was one thing not to mess with, so I pushed myself a little harder as I jogged back to my starting point. The warmth was beginning to come back to me, my heart pumping in earnest now.
I stopped near the shelter as I fought to get my breathing back under control. The morning breeze hit me in the face as I stared at the raging sea. I felt so lonely. This was the first time I had felt truly alone on this island.
More than ever, I missed my home and my family. To think that I’d come to hate that place where nothing ever happened—oh, how I wished I could go back to it now. But I knew that if I did, I’d return a very different person. It was as if I had become a new version of myself, hopefully a better version. If I’d never woken up on this island, I would never even have known of—let alone tapped into—the reserves of strength I had dormant in my bones and blood.
Upon reaching my new home, I thought of Killian. Yes, he was insufferable at times. I still missed him. Our fight had been stupid and there was no way that we could spend the winter apart. There was strength—and warmth—in numbers. So if the temperatures got much worse, I’d have to go and find him.
Later that day, as I bundled myself in the foetal position for warmth, a green essence twinkled above me. It humbly made itself known at first before rippling across the night sky in a massive wave that encompassing every angle of the deep blue-back atmosphere. The Northern Lights… they were a spectacle I’d always wished to behold. Now that I was enraptured in their beauty, I couldn’t look away, not even for a second. All that could have made this moment one hundred times better was Killian being here with me and seeing them too. I’m sure they would have put a smile on his grimacing mug.
I drifted off into a peaceful slumber, my mind and dreams reflecting the dynamic dance of the emerald lights over the island.
20. THE MIRRIE DANCERS
Seeing the Northern Lights again reminded me of home. Not the fancy loft I’d rented in Inverurie, but the country cottage house in Daviot. I spent most of my holidays there as a child. My father’s parents lived just outside of the village, by the forest, near a Neolithic stone circle that stands there.