“I’m sorry, sir,” she said, with a shrug of her shoulders. “I’m not the one at the helm.” With another empty chuckle and a shake of her head, she moved back to the front of the plane.
Well, that just took the cake, didn’t it? Was the universe really conspiring against me after all? Because if it was intent on making me miss my meeting, it had just succeeded. With literal flying colours. Wonderful.
My bladder was making a fresh call for my attention. I tore my safety belt off and got to my feet. I followed the young stewardess down the central aisle, aiming for the cludgie at the front of the plane.
“Sir, you should stay seated,” she said.
“Need to use the lavvy,” I nodded at my destination.
Her practised smile was back on and in full bloom while she shook her head. “Oh, I’m sorry, but the toilet in the front’s out of order.” She motioned to the partition behind me. “There’s two more at the back of the plane.”
That left me speechless. For once, I just didn’t have the words to complain.
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, could this day get any bloody worse?” I muttered as I turned on my heel and flung the partition open.
My shoulders slumped when I caught sight of the queue near the back. Best I could tell, this plane was almost full of passengers. And thanks to the waterfall pouring outside, it was no surprise that a lot of them felt the same need I did.
I sighed but there was nothing for it. I started the long walk down the central aisle, hoping the line had moved an inch by the time I joined it. Midway there, we experienced a dip that could only be a momentary loss of altitude. I heard a few gasps coming from everybody and I had to grip the nearest headrest to stay upright.
That moment did clear up the line. Three people near the front of the queue thought better of it and went back to their seats. That only left a teenage boy waiting in front of the door. Both of his hands were grasping the overhead compartment for balance. Maybe the universe wants to cut me a break after all, I thought ruefully.
As I stood behind the boy, the left lavvy door opened so that a pale-faced middle-aged woman could come out. One of the stewardesses got up from the jump seat she’d been sitting on to help her get to her seat near the front.
After the kid went in, I took his place and waited for the person in the right lavatory to come out. Another jolt of turbulence suddenly hit us. It shook me up bad enough to make me reach a hand towards the overhead compartment.
The remaining stewardess motioned for me to get back to my seat, but I ignored her. If they were able to get up and help people back to their seats through these bumps, then I sure as hell was allowed to take a simple piss. Ridiculous, I thought, wondering if I could get Head Office to start booking with another airline after this.
Nonetheless, she was all but ready to sit up when the right door finally opened. I wasted no time rushing past the man who’d been using the facilities and shut the door behind me. Relief!
After I did what I’d come there to do, I washed my hands in the minuscule stainless-steel bowl that was optimistically called a “sink”. I’d just shut off the water when a loud bang tore through the plane. The lights flickered just before the whole plane shook an instant later. No convenient handholds this time; I lost my balance to the point of hitting my back against the door. The door handle dug deep into my hip while the side of my head connected hard with the flimsy partition. Even though the space was too cramped up for me to lose my footing, I still had to grab the mini-sink to steady myself.
“This is the Captain speaking, we’ve just been hit by lightning. It shook us a little, but there’s no reason to worry.” While the voice on the intercom sounded tense, it didn’t sound afraid, so no reason for me to be, bump or not. I got back to my feet, dried my hands and turned around to push down on the door handle.
“The rest of our journey is going to be a little bumpy as we’re crossing through a turbulence area,” the Captain continued as I exited the lavvy. “But we should reach Kiruna shortly. I am advising all passengers and cabin crew to remain seated with their seatbelts on for the rest of the journey.”
I noticed straight away that the two stewardesses were gone from their jump seats at the back of the plane. A glance to my right revealed them to be walking down the central aisle, reassuring passengers as they went. I glowered at how the Captain’s warning didn’t seem to apply to them.
I looked over a woman’s curly head to get a look through the nearest window. I looked just long enough to see the storm still raging outside. Another raw lightning bolt tore its way through the dark clouds in the distance. The queasy feeling in my stomach made me start walking back to my seat. I just hoped those damned stewardesses left me alone between here and there.
I barely started walking before lightning flashed again on the right. This one was so close, all the passengers sitting next to it had to shield their eyes with raised hands. While they gave their gasps of surprise and moans of discomfort, the sound of an explosion reverberated through the cabin. Thunder.
Our plane shook again as if it’d just hit a speed bump. I reached for the nearest seat to steady myself while the passengers only grew louder. This is insane, I thought. Lightning never strikes the same place twice. Or was that just some old wives’ tale?
The overhead lights blinked once, twice before going out. The plane lurched to its right side, scaring me enough to turn on my heel and start making a beeline for one of the vacant jump seats in the back. To hell with getting back to my proper seat. The time to comply with the Captain’s orders was now, by whatever means necessary.
Some of the passengers were starting to scream. I could just hear the stewardesses over them, trying to calm them back down. Yeah, fat chance there, I thought while we staggered to the left. A hundred people strapped to a flying hunk of metal fighting its way through a thunderstorm twenty thousand feet in the sky… what did they expect? This floating tin can had just become Panic Central. Until the Captain found us some clear sky, that’s how it was going to stay.
But we’d be fine, I knew. I’d been on enough planes to know getting hit by lightning wasn’t that rare an occurrence. Stick a big fat metal tube into a bank of stormy clouds and it was bound to happen once in a while. That’s why planes were designed to withstand such. I’d read once that a metal framework was built around them to conduct any stray current to the tail. That way, jolts like what we’d been hit with wouldn’t damage the aircraft.
The emergency lighting flickered on, bathing the cabin in a faint yellowish hue. It added an ominous look to the scene, making the travellers’ pale, frightened faces even paler. The elements outside weren’t relenting one bit. Lightning kept flashing again and again as we ploughed onward through the storm clouds.
I entered the back galley, zeroing in on the nearest jump seat. I pushed it down and sat. As I reached for the safety belt, we dipped to the side again, making it harder for me to find it. Emergency lighting was poor back here and my fingers struggled to make sense of the straps. It took me a second to realise these seats were equipped with four-point harnesses rather than lap belts. That made sense, given how you have to take more precautions in the event of an emergency.
I had the two left straps snapped into the central buckle when a violent shake rattled my teeth. The plane’s sudden drop left my bum floating inches above the seat and a third lightning strike mingled with the passengers’ rollercoaster screams. The jolt of the impact tossed me into the lavvy, flat on my stomach. Pain exploded behind my temples, blood oozing between my fingers. Before I could identify what object had caused this, the plane dipped forward, making my stomach leap into my throat.