“Faith did well overnight,” Ann said. “Her oxygen and PEEP have not changed, and her D-dimer is down to twice normal, which we are interpreting as normal for pregnancy. She has almost normal lymphocytes. It looks like she could get rid of the ventilator soon.”
“That’s good news,” Haley said. “Does Josh know about Brian?”
“Yes,” Peggy said. “I talked to him right after Emily called me, then I talked to him in person this morning. I wanted to see him before he went home.”
With a new weariness and almost no conversation, the group wandered off to their tasks.
The spring weather could not brighten the spirits of the group as they convened at Padilla’s. Nobody noticed the bright yellow cactus blooms near the front door, no one thought about the fresh, warm air, and the clear, dark blue, star-studded sky was ignored.
“My mind is blown,” Haley said.
“That happened way before this,” Ricky said.
“Shut up, Ricky.”
“Mine is too, if that’s any consolation,” Ann said. “It’s all right if I’m here, right? You didn’t exactly invite me, and I’m not a resident.”
“But you were a resident here,” Haley said. “Where’s your hubby?”
“On call.”
Gradually, chips, cheese, salsa, Peggy, and margaritas arrived at the table. There were jackets and hats, more against the wind than the temperature, but no one seemed to care.
“I can’t believe you guys are in hoodies and coats,” Ann said. “In Detroit, this would not be cold. Anybody want mittens?”
“It’s the wind,” Haley said.
“Yeah,” Ann answered. “Is it this cold in Arizona?”
“No!” Haley buffed back.
“Only her heart is cold,” Ricky said. “It’s not cold for Topeka, either. It is amazing how quickly you guys drag out the parkas. I thought parkas were for when it was cold.”
“Shut up Ricky.”
“I’m glad you came, Peggy,” Ann said. “We need some parenting.”
“Is that what you think I do?” he said.
“In some ways, yes,” Ann said, “but we need it. We need to learn medical things, but we also need to learn life things. Like, I struggle with the interface between work and home.”
Julio came to the table. “Can this please be Taco Tuesday?” Haley asked. “We don’t need Tuesday’s discount, but we need comfort food — tacos.”
“Of course,” he replied. “Is two dozen enough to start?”
“I think so,” Ann said. “Make some of them fish.”
“And some al pastor,” Ricky added.
Julio took drink orders and disappeared.
“Do you have kids, Ann?” Peggy asked.
“No. Not yet,” she said. “Some day after training is done.”
“Because you think you will have more time?” she asked.
“Yes, when I have more control over my time.”
“Well, then, someone lied to you. You will have the home versus work battle all your life. You will always be short of time, training is never done, and two physicians in one house might amplify the potholes.”
“I didn’t want to hear that.”
“And things like COVID will always be around. Some of them will be in your private life instead of your professional life, and some of them will threaten your patients but not you. Some will threaten you and not your patients.”
Ricky said, “Don’t you think this pandemic is a little spectacular? Don’t you think this is a real monkey wrench?”
“Oh, yes,” Peggy said. “But you could get another monkey wrench that is just as life-changing. A special needs child, a serious health issue, or a legal disaster.”
“That sounds pessimistic,” Ricky said. “Is life actually like that?”
“Yes. We all have, have had, or will have upsets along the way. This one is different in that it is affecting all of us at the same time. Most of the calamities we have only affect us individually, or our family. We should be thankful for the bumps in the road we don’t have, and feel good when we survive the ones we do have.”
“Did you just reference Brian?” Ann asked.
“Yes.”
“I didn’t get the message you wanted to send,” said Ricky.
“Well,” Peggy said, “he is a good example of someone who had a life-threatening illness compounded by the pandemic. Maybe he could have survived the pandemic without the opiate problem, or maybe he could have survived the opiate problem without the pandemic. It could be that the combination, either of which could have been lethal in any case, broke the camel’s back.”
Julio brought tacos and drinks, a big bowl of guacamole, and several baskets of chips. After a quick trip away, he returned with a huge pitcher of Margaritas and several mugs of beer.
“Golly,” Ricky said, “think of Faith. She got a divorce from an opiate dependent husband I have been thinking was abusive, she faces what we faced with patients who died, gets critically ill with coronavirus, and now the ex-husband died. And she’s going to have a baby. How much thicker could that get?”
“Don’t you think Faith will come through this better than Brian?” Peggy asked.
Ricky shook his head, “How so?”
“Brian is someone life happened to. Faith is someone who makes life happen.”
“So, then, how do we get out of this pandemic mess?” Haley asked.
“Just keep chugging along, solving one problem after another, until the project is completed. I know all of you can do it, because you all went to college and medical school, and one of you completed a residency. You all come to work one day after the next until you complete your training.”
“You don’t think this can last forever?” Ricky asked.
“No calamity lasts forever. I’m sure Josh thinks coronavirus is lasting forever, I’m sure soldiers think tours of duty last forever, and there are some for whom diseases or pregnancies last forever. But the truth is they don’t.”
“That sounds hollow to me today,” Ann said. “I went to see Faith this afternoon and wondered how this would end.”
“I understand that,” Peggy said. “But it won’t last forever.”
“What if it doesn’t end well?” Ann asked.
Peggy shook her head and looked at Ann’s neatly coiffed, curly black hair, “Then we figure out how to deal with it and go on.”
“That sounds crude,” Haley said.
“We can console each other, support each other, and help each other over the hurdles, but in the end, we get a grip, tackle our own feelings, and treat others the way we would want to be treated. Then we move on.”
“So, what are you feeling about Faith and Brian?” Ricky asked. “Deep down and dirty.”
“I have a lump in my throat about Brian. He talked to me that afternoon, and I didn’t see him as a danger to himself. I am comforted by the fact that others, people who know a lot more about opiates and depression than I do, might not have thought of him that way either. I am terrified of the disease that is confronting Faith, and whether we who are involved with her will be able to rescue her from a game where we don’t know the rules.”
“It’s good to hear you say that,” Ann said, “because I feel a little helpless or useless. I’m glad I’m not alone.”
“Me too,” Haley said.
“You guys are not alone. If you need to talk to me alone, come find me in my ‘fellows’ closet.’” Peggy stood. “Thank you guys for inviting me. I told Alicia I wouldn’t be long, so I think I’ll head out.”
“See you tomorrow,” someone said.
“I don’t know how that woman does it,” Ricky said. “She always seems cool and controlled and full of wisdom.”