“Yeah, but,” Firepalm started, but got cut off.
“We can do it,” Leggylass said aggressively, “where are those balls you were just thinking with? Don’t tell me a bunch of goblins turned you into a eunuch?”
Greenbeard coughed, “Wow, did I miss something?”
“The after-party idea was less than well received by Leggy,” Alburet told him. “You can do the courtyard with our help, or would you rather sit here and do this one at a time?”
“Fuck it, let’s go,” Ironhand said, “the guild leader says we can pull it off and is backing us.”
“Fine, but if we die he owes us a beer,” Firepalm sighed.
“Deal,” Alburet laughed. “Bob, it looks like a slow day for you. Did you want to hang out or take off?”
“I’ll stay,” Bob said, eyeing Leggylass. “The cute one there might decide an Imp is the way she should go after all.”
Leggylass blinked, “Did he just prop me?”
Stacia chuckled, “Just treat him like tha horniest teenager ya can think of.”
“Ugh,” Leggy frowned, “that bad?”
“Hey,” Bob called out, clutching his chest as if her words hurt. “Please, Legs, take it easy on me. I have a delicate heart.”
“Okay, we’re moving out. Tiny, take the lead,” Alburet said, cutting off further conversation. As they started to move he tapped Leggylass on the shoulder and spoke softly. “Leggy, men are dense as fuck, as I’m sure you know. I’d wager they’re both shut-ins, which means they aren’t used to dealing with women, or even people in general mostly. Ironhand might be able to be redeemed if someone took the time to show him a little attention and teach him social awareness.”
Leggy frowned but didn’t reply as the group entered the courtyard and took the front right corner across from the other Alpha Company group. Alburet waved to Jaxton as his group got into position. Stacia dazed the first goblin that came close, shifting to Succubus form as she did so.
“What the fuck?” Firepalm breathed as he stared at Stacia.
“That is my wife, if you don’t mind,” Alburet said sternly.
“Your wife is an NPC succubus that’s also your minion?” Greenbeard asked with incredulity.
“You recall the patch note about NPCs no longer becoming minions? That was my fault. She was a Half-blood when I met her. Somehow, I hit a quest that is now no longer in the game, she became a full demon and I bound her. I had just been getting into a serious relationship with her when all this happened. Her becoming my minion just moved the relationship along a bit faster, and I married her.”
“That is so weird,” Ironhand said, tearing his eyes off the sexy demon. “Err, trap, right, sorry,” he coughed and began to set his trap up.
“She’ll hold that one,” Alburet nodded. “Tiny, taunt the next one over once his trap is set.”
Tiny roared as soon as Ironhand stood back up and led the goblin to the trap before stepping back. Leggy’s first arrow hit the defender’s shield, “Shields suck,” she sighed.
Alburet stepped in and cast Sap Strength on the goblin, which made it drop the shield. “All yours now,” he chuckled.
Her next arrow crippled its knee, slowing its movement speed for fifteen seconds. Her next arrow took it in the chest, “A little help guys?”
Ironhand was already preparing his next trap, which meant she was talking to Greenbeard and Firepalm, both of whom were still eye fucking Stacia. Alburet growled slightly and stood in their line of sight, “Either start killing goblins or we’re done for the day.”
That snapped both men from their reverie concerning the finer points of Stacia’s anatomy. “Err, right,” Greenbeard coughed as he tossed a simple DoT onto the mob.
“I was busy looking at her fine ass, and wondering what that tail could do,” Firepalm smirked. “Sorry for the delay.”
Alburet kept his eyes pinned to the Elementalist as the group killed the first goblin inside the walls. “You want to retract that statement?” Alburet asked once the fight was over. His voice was cold.
“Why would I?” Fire laughed. “She obviously is worth the comment. Dude, you can bounce quarters off that ass, am I right? I mean, just thinking about what I would…”
Tiny spun on the Elementalist, letting out a roar as he stalked forward, “Impudent whelp, to speak of the master’s first wife as if she were a common trollop. I shall have to tear your head off and stuff your words back down your throat.” Small sparks sizzled from Tiny’s eyes.
Firepalm backed up quickly, his eyes going wide, “Woah, woah, hold up, I take it back okay? I was just joking, that’s all.”
“Tiny,” Alburet said, his hands clenched tightly as he took a few deep breaths himself. “Stand down. If he does it again, then you can rip his head off.”
“What happened to if we had a problem taking it to an officer?” Greenbeard asked.
“There was also the bit about respecting your fellow members. Stacia is also a part of the guild and I lead the guild. Did any of his comments sound respectful to you?” Alburet asked, turning his flat gaze to the druid.
Greenbeard held up his hands in surrender, “Point. You do know though that she does kind of pull the eye, right?”
“Yes, and feel free to look, but those kinds of comments shouldn’t be said out loud by anyone. Would you want someone to say that about your mother or sisters?”
“He has a point,” Leggylass added. “Any woman would be offended by those comments.”
“Whatever,” Firepalm said as he regained his composure. “Fuck this shit. I’m not into the whole dictator angle you got going on.” He tapped something and his emblem fell off, “Later, dick. Oh, and Leggy? You’re just a bitch who can’t get laid. Go find a stick and rotate on it for a while.” He laughed as he walked off, “See you, losers.”
“Damn. I thought he was okay at first, but wow, what an ass,” Ironhand said as they watched the Elementalist leave.
“Well, that’s one potential problem gone,” Alburet sighed as he shifted his gaze to the others. “Sorry about the outburst, but I’m not going to let anyone demean my wife. We good to keep going?”
“Can we even do this without his damage?”
“Jaxton,” Alburet raised his voice. “You guys going to hit the keep?”
“We were just discussing giving it a go,” Jaxton called back.
“Once you finish, can you and one of the damage types join up with this trio and run it again with them?”
“They’re only level eights and one seven,” Brightlight added, “that is asking a bit much.”
“I’ll get them to nine,” Alburet told them.
“If you get them to nine, then yes,” Jaxton replied.
“Done,” he turned to the trio. “We’re heading into the keep. Iron, toss me an invite.”
“Wait, what? How can we even do that?” Ironhand asked as he sent Alburet an invite.
“You might not get a lot of XP from the mobs, but you should kill it with the quest XP. We’ll be able to clear it twice by the time they get through the first time.”
“You sure?” Leggylass asked, her doubt clear.
“Can your demons even be healed?” Greenbeard asked. “I thought the forums said they took damage from regular healing spells. One of the reasons no one seems to like Summoners much.”
Alburet grinned, “They can, and it will be cake. You’ll earn the trip when the others finish up by having to run it at level.”
“Jaxton, when your group clears just hang out and wait for me. I’m going to swap my three for your three.”
“You got it, boss,” Jaxton said as his group started clearing goblins towards the portal.