She blinked. “I am.”
He backed up another two steps. “I won’t continue.” He would not have her live it.
The woman had been through too much in her life. By all that was holy, he would spare her the memory of that night.
“You can tell me. You lived it. So can I.”
“No.” He ground his teeth in his mouth. “Let’s just say there was no way my brother would have the same fate. Not while I was living to stop it.”
She walked forward and grabbed his hand. “I know. That’s why I want you to stop beating yourself up about it. I can feel the ache in your soul. Let it go.”
Her touch jolted him out of the rage he felt about that memory. “You … you … you don’t judge me?”
“No. I want you to stop judging yourself. I’m in no position to think anything about any decisions others make. Before you, there was no one who would have really cared if I lived or died. I don’t know what it must be like to have someone willing to kill for my safety.”
“Except you do.”
He sent the phrase telepathically to her and he watched her eyes widen. “You’re right. You killed Zack for me.”
“I would do anything for you.”
She pressed herself closer and he could smell her scent. Closing his eyes, he put his head down on top of hers as he embraced her in a tight hug.
“Mine.”
He wasn’t sure he’d spoken aloud until he heard his own voice in his ears. Up against his chest, he felt her nod. Good, she agreed. For a while, he might need reassurance about it.
Walking to him, he heard his brother, Gabriel, speak. “Sweet.”
Michael opened his eyes to roll them. Letting Scarlett go a little bit so he could look at the brother who was directly younger than him, he resisted the urge to tell him to go away.
They’d been close, probably the closest out of the whole group until recently.
Something was wrong with Gabriel. It wasn’t that he’d gone “bad”. Michael was certain that could never happen to his brother, to any of them, after what they’d seen and no one worked harder to uncover traitors than Gabriel Kane.
He was just harder now. Any softness to Gabriel had long since left and most days he wasn’t sure if he spoke to his wolf or the person he’d known for one hundred and ninety years.
“What’s going on, younger brother?”
Gabriel must have gotten off the boat that just arrived.
“I’m leaving.”
“You’re kidding?” When his brother didn’t say no, Michael continued. “We need you. We have forty-five wolves to train. Where is Tristan sending you?”
“He’s not in charge of this particular mission. I have someone to kidnap.”
Michael let go of Scarlett altogether. “What? Are you crazy?”
“It’s not your problem. Let’s put it this way, I’m either going to be a hero or I won’t be at all.”
Michael’s heart pounded hard in his chest. Gabriel was serious, dead serious, Michael could smell it. “Hold on. Okay? I’ll go with you. We’ll grab Rex and the three of us will go.”
Gabriel shook his head. “Sorry. If Rex were here, I would take him but he’s not.
He’s off witch-hunting.”
“Then I’ll go with you.”
Smiling, Gabriel took two steps away. “You can’t. You’re mated now. It’s different.”
“You’ll find yours.”
Gabriel raised his hands out in front of him like a shield. “Don’t wish that on me. I don’t need to be pussy-whipped.”
Now that wasn’t okay. “Hey, watch your language.”
“It’s an expression.”
“I’m not Tristan, I’m not falling for that. I know exactly what it means.”
“Anyway, I’m just here to say goodbye and to say I’m glad to see you’re not considering ritual suicide anymore.”
Behind him he heard Scarlett gasp. He whirled around. “Scarlett, I…”
She interrupted, even as she wouldn’t meet his gaze. “You were considering what?”
“Sorry, man.”
Michael turned to look at Gabriel. He hoped his glare said just how angry he was.
Why did he have to go and do that?
He spun back to Scarlett. “Let me explain. Ritual suicide is…”
“I know what it is. We actually had that in our pack. It’s an out. When a shifter feels that he can’t wait any longer for his mate, he can opt out. Or if the other half dies, he can use it to follow.”
Okay, so she understood. “I had started to think about it. Not all the time. I’m two hundred and ten years old.”
Her eyes welled with tears and one by one they escaped her amber depths until there was a steady stream of them down her cheeks. Her bottom lip quivered. Gods, he had just made her cry. Suddenly, he wasn’t certain he could breathe.
She spoke on a sob, wrapping her arms around herself as she backed away from him.
“You would have left me here? Have I missed something in all the talking you did about mates? Isn’t it our duty to hang on until the universe presents the person to you? No matter how long it takes?”
He moved forward, reaching for her, but she put her hand out to stop him. It was a small gesture even as it pinned his feet to the ground. “I would have been here all alone and never known you. You cared so little about waiting for your mate?”
No! “That’s not true.”
Do something. His wolf paced inside of him.
Michael had no clue what to do about this. He’d worried she would be mad that he’d ordered the witch dead not that he’d considered the ritual.
“I never would have left before the war was over and really, what does it matter? I’m here. I didn’t do it. Fate brought us together.”
“I guess I was just lucky that happened before you got tired of waiting.” She wiped her eyes with her palm as she turned to walk onto the boat. “If you don’t understand, I’m not sure I can explain it to you.”
Keeping her head down, she walked the plank onto the boat that would take them to Westervelt.
Finally able to make his feet work, he followed her. “Scarlett…”
A growl stopped him in his tracks. Turning, he raised an eyebrow at the culprits.
Todd, Seamus and Barge had wolf eyes as they glared at him.
“Do you want to explain that growl?”
Todd stepped forward. “You just made Scarlett cry.”
Hell. He had appointed them her protectors, it looked as if they were going to take that duty seriously. Even if, in this case, they decided to protect her from him.
“That’s my mate.”
Barge shrugged. “Seems to me the lady doesn’t want to see you right now.”
Michael thanked the Gods that none of his brothers were around to see this right now. He’d never live it down. Set away from his own mate by the very shifters he’d explained the concept of true pack.
“You imbeciles beat her up not three days ago.”
Now it was Seamus’ turn to talk. “That was before. We would never dream of it now. We apologized and she accepted. What’s your excuse?”
As the boat moved, Michael wanted to throw himself overboard and swim. “This was something I thought about before I even met her.”
Todd sat down in one of the deckchairs. “Have you apologized?”
“I was going to when you growled at me.”
Barge shook his head. “I think she needs a few minutes. Give her a break to calm down.”
That didn’t sound like terrible advice. Moving to the deck chair, he sat down watching the mainland disappear into the horizon. “I can’t believe I’m taking love advice from the three of you.”
Truth was, he had no clue what else to do. His mate was hurting and she wasn’t wrong. It had been a selfish thing to have thought. Especially when she’d lived her life thinking she would never have a mate and no one would ever rescue her, but she’d still hung on.