My body trembles, throat searing. Each thump of my fist against his firm muscles grows weaker.
I hate him.
I hate him so much.
I hate how easily he’s shattered my heart twice. It’s cracking all over again, the fragile shards ready to burst free.
“You were my friend,” I say brokenly. “And you stopped listening to me the minute you thought I’d betrayed you because my father dared to challenge yours. In minutes, you hated me. There was no way to make you see otherwise. Why would I ever beg you for help when you labeled me a traitor to this pack and picked where to cast me away?”
He clenches his jaw and catches my wrists, speaking gruffly as he stares into my eyes repentantly. “I was wrong for that. For too many things. I see it now. I shouldn’t have blamed you for your father or made you move up here. There’s no excuse I can give to change any of what happened. I’m sorry for—for everything. I’ll make it better, I swear it.”
I’ve waited for him to say those words for years. They don’t bring the immense relief I imagined they would when I faced the hardest moments of survival. How can I forgive him?
A flutter of yearning pulls at me, gently at first, then more insistent. Part of me wants to believe he’s sorry after all this time. Probably the part that was so in love with him back then. Or the part that imagined what being his True Mate would be like.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats.
Tears sting my eyes and I try to wrench free. Regret lines his features, his throat bobbing with a heavy swallow. He holds me, tugging me closer until I rest my forehead on his firm chest.
“I know saying sorry won’t fix it, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness so easily,” he says roughly. “But I have to start somewhere. Let me make it better.”
The buildup of rage shifts to all the hurt I’ve kept bottled up, my emotions frayed and overwhelming. A gasp breaks off in a choked sob. The last of my composure snaps and the torrent of frustration and heartache threatens to drown me.
Tears flow in an unstoppable cascade, blurring my vision. Anguished cries scrape my throat.
He holds me through it all, murmuring his apologies against the top of my head. Years of holding myself together, only falling apart when I’m alone at night so I can be strong for my sisters, unravels in moments. He doesn’t let go, his embrace tightening.
I don’t know how much time has passed once my tears dry. He’s stroking my hair, his other arm and his heady woodsy scent enveloping me. It soothes me until I calm down, blanketing me in a comforting haze that blocks out the weight of the world.
I’m safe now. In his arms, everything is right. I can stay here and he’ll take care of me.
My wolf echoes the sentiment. She falls under the thrall more easily, bending her neck as she mewls.
My palms slide up his chest. The vibration of his wolf’s inviting rumble feels nice. So does winding my arms around his neck to get closer.
His scent becomes richer, the spiced cedar so intense it’s bursting on my tongue and making my stomach dip. I drag my nose along his collar bone, licking his corded neck.
“Avery.” He groans it, hiking me closer by a handful of my ass.
I lift a leg, wrapping it around his powerful thigh, pressing on tiptoe to get more of his glorious scent in my lungs. It’s not enough.
I want—I want—
Wait. No. This is the bond. The one he didn’t want with me.
It’s making me need to jump him right now, mate with him to make everything better now that he’s apologized and stop being such a colossal alpha asshole.
“Are you okay?” he murmurs.
Not even a little bit. “I think so. Or, I will be. I just need—”
“Yes?” he rasps.
When I push free of his embrace, he releases me willingly, though his handsome features are twisted in torment. I back up and he matches me step for step.
My lips slide together. Turning around is difficult, but once I do some of the strange haze clears. My wolf barks at me, tugging to get me back in our mate’s arms. I rub my puffy eyes and pick a random direction to walk.
Yes, shift, my wolf urges, her body wriggling as she lowers her front end playfully. Shift and chase.
One glance at Caden over my shoulder and I know that wouldn’t be a smart move. Vivid swirls of gold ring his blue irises. We’re both feeling the effects of the bond’s magic. If I shift now, she’ll let his wolf catch her.
An image of him rutting me with my ass up and my head down, hair wound around his fist as he drives into me until my pussy’s stretched full with his knot pops into my head to entice me.
My steps falter as hot desire rushes through me. I don’t know if it’s my wolf’s doing or the bond’s influence making both of us forget the rejection.
I need to plunge myself in the cooling water at the private spring I like, but I don’t want him finding out about it. I change directions and head for the nearest stream instead.
The longer I walk, the more I feel like myself again, and with it comes the world the bond muted.
“Where are you going?” Caden finally asks.
“To clear my head. You can go.”
“No,” he responds stubbornly. “You do whatever you’d like. I’m staying right where I am.”
I toss a warning growl over my shoulder. It only makes him snort and shadow me closer.
“I’m not your mate, remember? You have no right or need to watch over me.”
“No, but I’m still your alpha,” he counters from right behind me. “It’s my duty.”
He’s so close I feel the warmth of his breath at my ear and the vibration of his chest rumbling in protest.
“Don’t placate me. It’s bullshit.”
I stop and he bumps into me. My throat is too raw when I swallow.
We’ve entered a clearing full of fireflies. It’s far too late in the year for them, yet sometimes there are pockets of nature where I find them gathered, dancing for the sleeping druids. They’re beautiful, bobbing and looping through the air, glowing at intervals.
I tip my head back, closing my eyes when his nose brushes my hair and his hands hover at my hips without taking hold of me. I should step away, I need to. He’s not my mate.
“Why are you doing this?” It comes out on a hitched breath.
“Doing what? This?” His fingertips skim my sides and his lips drag across my temple. “I can’t help it. Your scent right now is so—It’s driving me insane. I have to.”
I shake my head. “Why won’t you stay away? You need to let this mangled bond fully sever.”
The fierce growl that tears from him makes my heart clench.
It takes far too much willpower to put distance between us again. I can’t handle this.
“Did you only apologize because you feel bad about rejecting me?” I round on him, wounded heart in my throat. “You can’t have it both ways, Caden. You threw away fate’s gift, and you know what? I reject you right back because—”
Before I give any reasons, he’s on me again. He tugs my body against his with a jagged noise, trapping my hands between us.
“No.”
It’s not clear if he’s answering my question or refusing my rejection.
He kneads my waist, piercing eyes flashing gold again as they bore into mine, flickering back and forth. I lick my lips and his focus drops to my mouth. My fingers splay on his chest.
His head dips, my body alight before his ghosted exhale over my throat makes me shiver. My body tingles with awareness of every inch of him pressed against me. He rubs his nose beneath my ear, then traces it down. My fingers curl in his shirt.