I chew the inside of my cheek in consideration. It would be wiser to refuse her so word doesn’t get around that I’m going soft on my payment terms with the females in the pack. They visit me in secret despite my family’s disgraced reputation. It’s my new one they care about when they come for the herbal remedies and concoctions I provide that they can’t get from the regular healer.
Normally, I avoid a full moon bonfire night whenever I can. When I attend, I’m at a disadvantage. But she’s right, it’s the only way people won’t be suspicious if they see someone with a large pack of food heading away from the dining pavilion outside of a distribution day.
“Fine. I’ll be down there in an hour.”
That should give me just enough time to get in and out before the moon rising. Everyone else will be busy with the revelry to notice me.
Nina gives me a wobbling smile. “Thank you.”
She leaves in a hurry, not lingering for friendly chatter. I don’t bother with it, either. After the first few surprise visits by other female packmates in need of my help, I learned they were only after my resources. Some still whisper nasty things about me even as I hand over whatever quick fix cure they’ve come for.
“Don’t make a portion for me,” I tell Beatrix. “Make sure you and Lena both have second helpings.”
Beatrix raises her brow, holding her tongue for once as she works on the stew she’s preparing. I go through the narrow hall that leads to the bathroom and my shoebox of a bedroom. In the bathroom, I lean against the sink, sighing before I splash cool water on my face.
My stomach cramps when I straighten. I frown, laying a hand over my middle. It passes quickly, though I’m left with a tightness in my skin that doesn’t ease when I roll my neck and shoulders.
I put off leaving as long as I can, not looking forward to being around so many packmates. Our stores need any food we can scrounge before winter, though.
“Avery.” Bea grabs my hand on the way out, her nonchalance evaporating as her forehead creases. “Are you sure about this?”
“It’ll be fine.” I offer a relaxed smile and squeeze her hand. “Don’t wait up for me. I’ll be back when I can.”
5AVERY
Most of the cabins are quiet by the time I’m on the main road running through the middle of the packlands. Everyone’s made their way to the bonfire by now. I can hear the lively notes of people playing fiddles and the occasional mirthful shout through the trees.
It’s held at the fire pit on the commons, the central lawn in front of a semicircle made up of the alpha’s massive lodge and offices, the log-style community building where shifters gather for meetings or stay in the dormitories, the patrol cabin where all pack security matters are handled, and the dining hall and pavilion. Anyone assigned to a kitchen duty rotation is likely bustling tonight for the party.
I make my way to Nina’s cabin, grateful that she doesn’t live on the Blackburn compound. Caden’s uncle keeps his entire brood within the walled-off section of homes as if they’re their own pack within the main pack. He usually has his many sons, nephews, and grandsons posted at the entrances like his own private security.
My guess is, her mate has either disappointed Cormac or isn’t useful, so he’s cast out from living amongst the rest of his extended family despite being a member of Cormac’s shady guards. Caden mostly ignores his many cousins, though whenever you cross a Blackburn that isn’t Caden or his sister, Callie, they act as though they’re above everyone else for being related to the alpha, no matter how much space is spread between them on their family tree.
When I rap my knuckles lightly against Nina’s back screened door, she answers out of breath, glancing behind me when she yanks me inside.
“Did anyone see you?”
I tug free. “No. It’s deserted on your street. Everyone’s already out.”
She sags in relief. “Good.”
I follow her through the dimly lit house. My cottage might be smaller, yet her place is depressingly oppressive, the walls stinking of her mate’s aggression. I shudder, folding my arms. In the kitchen, her pup blows spit bubbles around a teething ring in his crib. She takes me through the pantry to her basement steps.
“No pack run for you tonight?”
Her head ducks. “No. Trent doesn’t like letting anyone else but his own family watch the baby, even my mother. He says it's how his family has always done things. So I stay home instead of using the nursery for bonfire nights.”
My nose wrinkles. I doubt he’s hanging around to help her out with their pup himself.
It’s not that this pack is one of those backwards ones I’ve heard of in the remote parts of the world that believe their females only serve one purpose, either. Our she-wolves work all the same job classes as the men, and some choose not to have pups at all. Yet injustices like this still exist here.
“Here.” Nina closes her huge freezer, shoving a chilled hunk of meat wrapped in paper and twine into my chest. “Your payment. Now you should go. I can’t have Trent smelling that anyone was here he didn’t approve of inviting in.”
She lifts her brows impatiently when I don’t immediately move. I want to tell her again that I have several poisons, most undetectable. No one would suspect a thing. There’s no risk she’d be detained in the holding cells in the security crew’s cabin.
Or I could convince her to take this to Caden’s offices and plead her case for his mediation in the matter. He might be a bastard, but as strict as he is, he wouldn’t overlook this if he knew how she’s being treated. The last time he found out about a male smacking around his mate, he gave him a beating on the central lawn and made the entire pack watch.
Nina gives me a shove with a warning rumble. “Go. I don’t want my baby around a Wolfless for too long. He needs to grow up big and strong like his father.”
She acts as though I’m diseased and contagious. If I had a wolf, I’d love to snap at her to put her in her place. She sounds like the narrow-minded elders who are traditionalists, believing the lack of a wolf is a sign of weakness.
I show my teeth and push into her space. Annoyance flares fast, fading when she shuffles back. She’s the weak one here. Fear’s made her that way.
I offer her a wan smile. “Until next time.”
Without waiting for her, I climb the stairs and head through the back door. I fantasize about all the ways to get retribution on Nina’s behalf against her terrible chosen mate.
I don’t realize I’ve walked to the bonfire on autopilot until I’m skirting the edge of the log benches circling the fire pit. A group of children race by shrieking with laughter. A pang echoes in my chest, filling me with the longing to be part of the pack the way I used to. It’s not right to feel so isolated.
The strange urge to join them tugs at me. I glance down the empty road while trying to talk myself out of it, then inch closer to the festivities.
They’re deep into the celebration now, the grills going with the savory aroma of succulent meat and fresh bread being passed around the long tables packed with food. Some are playing music on fiddles and singing folk songs for the moon goddess about her descent from the Heavens to be with the wolf she fell in love with. The elders sit around with cigars, some with wayward pups bouncing on their knees. I don’t spot anyone in the white linens we wear for a coming of age ceremony, so no one will be shifting for the first time.
I tip my face up to the moon. Even without a wolf, there are times I’m able to sense a distant connection to it, stronger when it's in the full phase. It peeks behind the treetops as it rises.