"He does not admit that you lost to German superiority?"
"No one ever questioned the superiority of German strength and numbers."
"So his plot to defeat my Luftwaffe was to… do what?"
"Rather a lot of nothing, from what I gather. He would avoid fighting. Reserves everything he can."
"Andthat was going to stop the Stukas!"
"The Spitfires and Hurricanes he reserved could have neutralized the Stukas. He says. Truthfully, Mr. Goering, Stukasare slow."
"Not in a dive." Goering's wide chest expanded in pride.
"Mr. Goering,you would be quick in a dive."
Silence gripped the club. The pilots' boasting from the next room, the clinking of glasses, even breathing stopped.
The thump of tails wagging became very loud.
Until Goering's lusty laughter sounded the all clear, scattered the dogs, and upset the painter.
Goering dropped his pose, shooed the painter away, and called for a drink.
Told Dick Trafford that the RAF must silence Hugh Dowding. "He is yours. You take care of him."
And he was off to join his lads with a snap of his riding crop. "Tally ho!"
Clarice turned over in the bed, shook her husband's shoulder. "Mister Dowding! You are thrashing and you've got all the covers!"
To his mumbled apologies she offered to heat some milk. He told her that would be very nice, and the two shuffled down the stairs to the kitchen.
In the mundanity of this place-of the motions of this beloved woman, no longer young, heating milk, of his own slippers on his blue-veined feet-the demons with which he wrestled lost their reality.
He had been agonizing: Did I do this? Did I sell England for my happiness?
And if I sell my happiness back for England, what of my Clarice? My Sarah? My John? Their children?
Did I really ask for the burden of command during England's darkest hour to lift from my shoulders? And itdid?
Here, now, the idea that he should yet hold the balance upon which the fate of the world hung seemed weird, impossible.
Well, there it is. I have gone completely starkers.
Caught between hideous alternatives, to live in guilt or to live in sorrow, he had discovered the obvious third-that there was no choice. He was a deluded old man who could only embarrass his daughter on her wedding day by chasing angels.
He was free to let it all go as God's will. He could live with his loving wife and dote on his coming grandchildren with a clear conscience.
There was nothing he could do.
A package arrived from Germany for the bride. The father of the bride saw fit to take a look before passing it on to his daughter.
A framed portrait of Adolph Hitler.
"It's odious!" Clarice cried. "Who could have done this!"
"The German Air Ministry." Dowding read the card congratulating Sarah on her wedding and wishing her many healthy Aryan children.
"What can we do!" Clarice shrieked in a whisper. "We can't give it to Sarah!"
"Certainly not," said Dowding.
"But someone is sure to call on her! What can she say when they ask what she did with it!"
"She shall tell them it hangs in her father's study. And so it shall." He whisked it away, out of sight of tender eyes.
Dowding was tapping a nail into the wall when the callers entered his study like storm troopers in RAF blue.
One wore an Air Marshal's insignia, apparently only here to lend authority, for one of the other men actually led this sortie. That one shook a fat pile of papers at Dowding, demanding, "Have you any other copies of this?" While the other men ransacked the room.
"This" was Twelve Legions of Angels.
Dowding advised his visitors that their lack of civility was uncalled for. They need not conduct affairs like hooligans.
The ringleader grew purple in the face. "Don't get the rest of us shot because you can't face reality! Exactly what did you expect to gain from this-this appalling treatise? The love of a nation?" High incredulity in that question. "It is over! It isdone. It cannot be undone! You have nothing to gain except a bullet for rehashing it! And may I say, sir, you should be ashamed of this! What makes you think you could have done better than better men than you!We gave all we had!»
Dowding, politely, "What I proposed was that a more careful, less glamorous man might have spent all we had more efficiently."
By then the henchmen had found the carbon. Crammed all the pages of both manuscripts into the hearth and set a match to them.
"Open the flue if you don't mind awfully," said Dowding.
The callers stayed to see the manuscripts well and truly burned.
The Air Marshal, stone white in mortal embarrassment, offered a private aside, weakly, "You are taking this rather well, Dowding."
"I shall rewrite it," Dowding said without excitement.
The Air Marshal found the courage to look the man in the eyes. "Don't. Dowding, you embarrass yourself. You have a charmed life. You got through this war unscathed. You have a lovely family. Don't ruin it for yourself. Get out of London. Go back to Moffat. Stay out of public life. For heaven's sake,write a different book."
"Write nothing!" the other shouted. "You lost France for us! The world does not need a tract from you on how wars are to be waged!" Looked to the guttering fire. "We can go now."
Dowding returned to hanging his picture. "When you see your masters, thank them for this gift."
They found their own way out.
The day arrived on which Dowding was to give his daughter away. He was rooting through the desk in his study after his best cuff links, when he glanced up to lock gazes with Adolph Hitler. The image caught the melting madness in the eyes.
That picture did not belong there. Not right. Not right. This should notbe.
The indecision returned. Adolph and the clock ticking closer to eleven. The hour of decision.
What if he had actually talked to an angel? Could he afford to toss away the chance-the most remote, feeble and pitiful of chances-that it was true?
Perhaps remote, feeble and pitiful chances were all one ever got when it came to changing history.
It was insane. He could not possibly fail his daughter on her day of days.
Days that would never exist for her at all were he to follow the angel. Were the dire promise to prove true.
Had he certainty, he might have steeled himself to the task. But the possibility, theprobability, remained that he was deluded. And grasping at a false chance held consequences as dire as those of which the angel spoke-no less dire for their lack of global importance.
His daughter's confusion, anger, tears, humiliation in front of everyone. The questionwhy? She would never forgive him. The pain in Clarice's eyes. She would carry the betrayal like a wound for the rest of her days. Walk in shame on his arm. Shrink from the whispers behind hands-Did you hear what hedid?Even his enemies could not speak of it without wincing.Poor Sarah. Poor Clarice.
Fumbling fingers rattled the cuff links in the drawer. He could not fasten them. Had to ask Clarice.
She fit them tidily into his cuffs. Straightened his collar, while their son John went outside to bring the car.
"You look grand Mr. Dowding. But pale. You feel cold. Are you well?"
He took her palm from his cheek, kissed it, pressed it back to his cheek. "I have all a man could ever ask heaven for. Ah, here's the car."
John bounded round the car to open the rear door for his parents. Snugged up the armband required of men in uniform in public.