He scratched his head and pulled a face. “For what?”
“For not laughing.”
“Why would I laugh?”
“Everyone else laughed when I told them.”
“Well, people are idiots, Evelyn.”
“I’m sorry about your friend.” I wondered if he’d ever been in the same facility as me, but I couldn’t remember much from that time. I’d totally not-subconsciously blocked it out.
“It’s okay. Shit happens…”
I wanted to kiss him. Somehow, suddenly, all I wanted to do was kiss Guy. The urge was insane, like something stronger than me, stronger than any urge I’d ever had before…even all my urges to wash all the time, and not eat, and check sell-by dates, and close my window just so at night-time to control the airflow into my room perfectly.
I caught my breath.
“Evie? You okay? You feeling sick again?”
I made myself look right at him, completely into his eyes, which I’d never done before. They were so blue, how had I never noticed how blue they were before? Guy looked straight back and it was like nothing and everything all at once. My heart practically panicked and ran out of my ribcage to claim asylum. I’d never been looked at like that before. And even though I knew nothing about kissing, I knew Guy wanted to kiss me too. I could feel his own urge pulling him to me.
He leaned his head forward.
He hesitated and licked his lips.
There was not one bad thought in my head.
He came closer.
And closer.
I felt his stubble almost tickling my face.
Then the noise of the party got louder.
“EVIE?!”
And he had pulled away.
I blinked and looked in the direction of the voice.
Joel and Jane stood with Amber held up between them. She looked like an abused rag doll. Her head flopped forward, her knees bending weirdly.
“Can you help us get her home?”
Eighteen
I woke up with my very first hangover.
“Ouch,” I said aloud on waking, because, well, it summed up exactly what I felt. I put my hand to my clammy thumping head. “Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch.”
Hang on, where was I?
I looked around me; just turning my head hurt. I was in my bedroom, on top of my duvet. I looked down. I was still wearing last night’s clothes.
Had I passed out? How had I gotten home? What had happened?
And… Ouch ouch ouch ouch OUCH.
I lay back on my pillow – OUCH! – and tried to remember.
Shots. I’d done shots… And Amber too. And everyone had been laughing about Oli, that was horrible. Poor Oli. God, I was such a bitch… Would it get out at college? He’d know I’d been taking the piss. That would be horrific. Why was I so stupid?! And where had Lottie been? Had there been a fight? I vaguely remembered a fight. And then…nothing. Blank. Zilch. Nada. I bit my lip. This was pretty scary. I hadn’t ever forgotten a part of my life before – though there were huge gaping wounds in my life I wished I could forget. I reached round my body for my phone and found it nestled under my spine – OWW.
One message. From Amber. Received that morning at about 6 a.m.
EVIE WHAT HAPPENED? I’VE WOKEN UP COVERED IN SICK AND WEARING ONE OF JOEL’S BAND T-SHIRTS?????????
Joel?
A vague memory lazily pinged into my brain. Amber. I’d walked her home with Joel and Jane. Well, they’d carried her and I was too busy…singing? Had I been singing? Another memory pinged in of Jane and me undressing Amber in her bedroom. She’d been covered in sick so Joel had lent her his T-shirt as we couldn’t find any of her clothes in the dark. I distinctly remembered that, I’d been cringed-out by the sight of Joel topless.
What else had happened? And why did it feel like a hoover had sucked all the moisture out of my mouth?
My bedroom door opened and I cowered in the beam of light like a scared vampire. Don’t be Mum, don’t be Mum, don’t be Mum…
It was Rose – thank God. Carrying a glass of water!
“Morning, waster,” Rose said, all bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed. “You’re alive then?”
I eyeballed her water glass. “That better be for me.”
“It is. I’ll go make some toast in a min if you want me to?”
“Have I ever told you I love you?”
She handed the water over and I glugged it back all in one go. I needed at least twelve more, I reckoned, and a time machine so I could go back to yesterday and not do those last couple of shots.
“Thanks,” I moaned, handing the glass back. Then I crumpled back into bed, my head hammering angrily in my skull. Rose smiled and sat on the end.
“So what happened then?”
I groaned. “I drank too much.”
“Well that much is obvious. You couldn’t get your house key in the lock. I only knew to come let you in because you woke me up screaming that African bit at the very beginning of ‘The Circle of Life’ from The Lion King.”
I searched my memory bank for any glimmer of a reminder that that had happened… Nope, nothing.
“If that was real, I would definitely remember it.”
“Oh, it was real. You are SO lucky Mum was out late last night.”
Mum – the thought of her made the water in my belly freeze. “Hang on? She went out?”
“Yeah. She and Dad were on their monthly date night.” And she pulled a face.
That was lucky. Mum was pretty…puritanical. We’d had so many lectures from her about the perils of drinking and smoking and drugging and funning and, well, living really. Thus why fun between her and Dad was scheduled into a monthly box on the calendar, like enjoying time with your husband was a dentist’s appointment or something. She was almost as unspontaneous as I was…almost. I smelled my duvet. It really didn’t smell very nice. I wondered if I could get away with washing it on the sly. Usually I was only allowed clean sheets every Tuesday, once a week, just like Sarah ordered.
“Weren’t you supposed to be out last night?” I asked her.
Rose shrugged. “Yeah, but I came home.”
“Why?”
“So what happened last night? Was the party any good? And how was the date?”
It was such an obvious change of subject that I should’ve challenged it. But my head hurt and Rose never opened up unless she wanted to, so I just closed my eyes and made a dramatic “EGH” sound. “I did shots,” I said, my mouth prickling all metallic and gross at the mention of them. “And then, I’m not sure. And the date… Oh, Rose, it was awful. He brought his parents with him, then broke down and basically told me he had agoraphobia.”
“What, seriously? Is he…”
“Mental, like me? Yes.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Yes, well… I was shite. I didn’t help him at all. I just freaked out and handed him back to his parents. And then, at the party, everyone was laughing their arses off about Oli…and what if he finds out I told everyone? Lottie went off somewhere…I dunno. Alcohol ruined it. What did I tell you last night?”
Rose smiled a little. “Well, you wouldn’t stop droning on about some guy. I thought it must’ve been Oli.”
I sat up in bed. “Guy?”
“Yeah.”
“No, it wasn’t Oli. Guy’s his name. He’s a guy, called Guy.”
“Ahhhh. From Joel’s band?”
“Yeah. What was I saying?”
Rose snuggled up to me, using my bum as a pillow. “You just kept wittering on about how sweet he was and how he took care of you and didn’t laugh like everyone else… You were quite soppy, Evie. I don’t have to emotionally prepare you for yet another first date, do I?”
Guy. Guy…Guy…GUY!
Oh my God, GUY! We’d almost kissed. The memory came crashing back like it’d been waiting for me all this time. He carried me up the stairs, and was so lovely, and I’d got feelings. They resurfaced instantly. And I was there again, on the bed, wanting him to kiss me so much and so hard and he almost had. Hadn’t he? My heart started tap-dancing on my insides.