“Girls are weird.” He removed his space from my space, making me feel the gap.
I evilled him. “Oh, we’re not the weird ones, believe me.”
Amber shot me a questioning look and I just shook my head. Maybe I should tell her about Guy and the party? But that would make me fail the Bechdel test. It was all very well being a strong independent woman, but it was hard when boys’ confusing behaviour kept making you lose your focus.
“Your mate’s here,” Guy announced. “Is she sick?”
The shadow of Lottie lumbered over, with Joel and Jane behind her. Lottie did look different, mainly because she wasn’t wearing any make-up when she usually used eyeliner like face lotion. She wore just a plain checked oversized shirt too, rather than her usual lacy beady get-up. She’d been moping all half term, and didn’t look like she was going to stop any time soon.
“You’re sick,” I muttered to Guy under my breath.
“What?”
“Nothing.” And I turned my attention to Lotts.
“You all right, Lottie Botty?” Amber asked, as she sat between us, letting out a sigh.
“Hey, guys, yeah, I’m fine.”
“You don’t sound fine,” I told her.
“Well, you know, my boyfriend still turned out to not be my boyfriend.”
I saw Guy look interested but he didn’t say anything. I knew this because I’d been sneaking glances at him every fifteen seconds to see if he’d been looking at me. He hadn’t. Because obviously I’d dreamed up all of it in my stupid little brain.
Amber pulled out a third membership card. “Here, this will cheer you up.”
The moment Lottie saw it she lit up a bit. “This is awesome,” she declared, holding it up to the light. Jane and Joel rocked up with their arms around each other.
“What’s awesome?” Joel asked, without saying hello.
Amber answered. “Our spinster membership cards.”
They looked at each other in unison. “Your what now?”
“Our spinster cards,” Lottie repeated. She held it up to the couple who were now in the process of sitting down and putting Jane’s head in Joel’s lap. “We are reclaiming the word.”
“Cool, I guess,” Jane said, before twisting her head around to check her reaction matched her boyfriend’s.
“I don’t understand,” Joel said. “Aren’t spinsters like old cat ladies?”
Amber rolled her eyes. “Tell me this, Joel. Is there a male version of an old cat lady?”
“I don’t get what you mean.”
“Is there a horrid word used to describe men who don’t find anyone?”
“Er…” Joel looked bored already but that didn’t deter Amber. She was on fire; I’d never seen her this happy.
“Exactly! Which is why we’re reclaiming it. Spinster is the new cool word for awesome girls who don’t let their lives revolve around men.” She gave Jane a special look – Jane didn’t notice, as she was busy tracing the outline of Joel’s jaggedy eyebrows with her finger.
“Oh, cool,” Joel said, in a dead way that made it obvious he didn’t find it cool. “Anyway, good party last week, wasn’t it, everyone?”
My skin prickled. Had Guy told Joel what almost happened between us? Was this what he was alluding to?
“Man though, Amber, you were wasted,” Joel continued. “I never knew it was so hard getting vom out of curly hair.”
Amber crumpled then brazened it out. “Whatever.”
Jane twisted around and looked at Guy, who was smoking his second roll-up. “You have a good time, Guy? I barely saw you.”
I looked at him too, my heart thud-thudding. He was annoyingly good-looking in the autumn sun. It lit up all the concaves in his cheeks; it made his dark hair look almost golden rather than black.
Good thought
Maybe he’s going to turn around, look deep into my eyes, and say, “Actually it was one of the best nights of my life. If only we’d been given five more minutes, Evie.”
Guy blew a plume of smoke directly upwards into the crisp air.
“It was okay. Pretty boring.”
He didn’t even look at me.
BAD THOUGHT
You imagined the whole thing. You’re delusional.
I lay down on the grass, like I’d just been shot in war, not even caring about the chill seeping into me from the ground.
What had happened? Why was he behaving like this? Had I really imagined it? Was this my karma for Oli? And why was this making me like him more?
I didn’t hear what Joel said at first.
“That’s amazing, you’ll so win,” Jane told him.
I sat up, dazed. “What?” I asked.
Joel’s eyes were dewy with excitement. “I said they’re doing a battle of the bands at college. In a few weeks’ time. In the canteen. The winner gets a free day in a professional recording studio.”
Guy expressed his first display of emotion since I’d sat down. “Really, man? We’re totally going to smash it.”
“I know, right?” They leaned over and high-fived.
“You girls coming?” Joel asked. “You can bring that fella if you want to, Lottie?”
Lottie didn’t look up. “Oh, great,” she half whispered.
Jane’s eyes were as excited as Joel’s. “We could all get ready at my house,” she said to us girls. Amber rolled her eyes, ever so slightly so Jane didn’t see.
“Oh, great,” she said. I shot her a look.
“That sounds fab, Jane,” I said. I looked at the others. “But…umm…I’m not sure if we’re going…”
It didn’t sound like our thing, especially after the church hall gig. How would this be any different? The college canteen was hardly a more exciting destination. And I really didn’t fancy listening to “Die Bitch Die” again, or having to watch Guy onstage when he was being like this…
…as if on cue…
“Bullshit,” Guy interrupted me. I turned and he was finally looking at me – his eyes staring directly into mine, a half-smile on his face. “You are definitely coming, Evie. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
He winked, and I didn’t feel like crying any more.
Twenty-four
I told them.
Not about me, obviously. But about Guy, in our Spinster Club meeting at my house straight after college.
“Man your room is tidy, Evie,” Amber said as she walked in. “Do you guys have a cleaner or something terribly middle class like that?”
I’d actually run up to my room before them and scattered a few bits of laundry on the floor but it obviously hadn’t made a difference.
Lottie was just as gobsmacked. “Are you Jesus? Only Jesus could have a room this clean.” She sniffed. “Everything smells of pine.”
That would be my antibacterial spray. I was down to only one spritz a day, but, yeah, I guess the tree smell lingered. To me, it smelled of safe.
“It’s not usually like this,” I lied. “Mum made me tidy this weekend.”
Actually the opposite was true. Mum was in charge of me not tidying.
Luckily they were distracted by my wall of film. Amber stood with her head back, straining her neck to see up to the top of my gigantic film cabinet. It dominated the whole wall – floor to ceiling jampacked with movies. “Christ, Evie, how many movies does a girl need?”
“I do film studies,” I said, all breezy. “You have to watch a lot of films.”
“Yeah, but, wow… You have like every one ever made. How do you ever leave the house?”
Well I didn’t, that was the point.
They started digging through my collection, pulling ones out and asking to borrow them. I nodded and went downstairs to make hot chocolate. Mum and Dad were in the kitchen. They both had glasses of red wine in front of them.
“Woah, hey, guys,” I said, bending down to give them a quick hug at the kitchen table. “What are you doing home so early? I’ve got some friends upstairs, is that okay? They’re not staying for dinner or anything.” Mum was going to be cross, and I inwardly prepared for it. She got stressed if I invited people around without loads of pre-warning; she never said why. Only that it was “disrespectful”.