Even I could see my double standards then, without Sarah there to point them out.
Lottie’s eyes welled up again. “What would I do without you guys?”
I put my arm around her. “Go batshit crazy, skin a rabbit, drape it over your head and go stand outside his window, singing ‘I Want You Back’ by the Jackson 5?”
She giggled, her tears subsiding instantly. “That sounds like so much fun.”
“Revenge is always fun,” Amber said. “Just ask my adopted brother.”
“AMBER!”
“I’m not even sorry.”
And we all laughed like maniacs.
“You know what’s the best revenge, of course?” Amber said, finishing off her hot chocolate and putting the mug down on my wooden floor…without using the coaster I’d given her. “Moving on with your life, and becoming absolutely fabulous so he can see what he’s missing.”
I shook my head, biting my tongue about the coaster. “No, I don’t agree. You should become fabulous for you, because you want to be fabulous, not because you want some idiot to kick himself for rejecting you in a year’s time.”
“Ahh, but this is why it’s the best revenge,” Amber said. “By the time they’re kicking themselves, you’re so fabulous you’ve forgotten all about them.”
“I like to think I already am fabulous,” Lottie wailed, and we giggled.
“Of course you are,” I said.
“So, how do I get revenge then?”
“By not caring.”
“That’s what I want, but my heart won’t let me. It’s got Stockholm Syndrome.”
“Give it some time. It only happened a week ago.”
We turned back to the movie and Lottie seemed to get lost in it. She turned onto her stomach and put her feet up against my wall. But now my head wasn’t in it. I was still going over this morning with Guy – the way he’d acted like nothing happened, the way he’d tortured me with his silence, the way he’d known I was getting pissed off and then told me to come to Battle of the Bands…the way I kept imagining what would have happened if we hadn’t been interrupted at the party.
Maybe I should open up? Maybe I should talk it through with my friends. It wasn’t about me, as such. Maybe I could test them with this?
I sighed. “Something sort of happened between me and Guy.” I surprised myself by blurting it out.
Immediately Thelma and Louise were forgotten. They both whipped around in unison.
“No way?” Lottie said, her hand over her mouth.
“Ergh, why?” Amber asked in disgust.
So I told them. About our strange walk home, about the way he’d looked after me at the party. I neglected to tell them just how much they’d upset me about Oli. “And, then,” I said, “we were about to kiss but Jane and Joel burst in with Amber…and then, today, well you saw him today, he acted like nothing happened. And I didn’t hear from him at all over half term.”
Lottie grimaced. “What a jerk.”
“It’s Guy,” Amber said. “What did you think would happen? He’s good-looking, yeah, but he’s also got trouble written all over him.”
Lottie gave me a wry grin. “That’s why she likes him.”
“Hey, that’s not why I like him. I don’t even know if I do like him.”
“I certainly don’t like him,” Amber said. “Evie, he’s soooo up himself, especially now all those younger girls fancy him after that awful gig. And he’s a filthy stoner. I mean, why?”
Lottie nodded solemnly. “Amber’s right. I mean, love, he does drugs. How much bigger do the words ‘BAD NEWS’ have to be scrawled on his forehead?”
“It’s only weed though…” I wasn’t sure why I was defending him. “That’s not like real drugs, is it?”
“Try telling that to the police,” Lottie replied, picking up her hot chocolate and taking a sip. “Try telling that to the homework he doesn’t do, the activities he’s probably given up, his brain cells that are lying in a brain cell morgue somewhere, dead as dead can be.”
“I…I…” I didn’t know what to say to that.
Amber untangled her limbs and sat with me on the bed. “Why do you even like him anyway? Be honest, did you even like him before you realized he might like you?”
“I…er…”
“Because it sounds to me like he’s playing you…” she continued, not letting me finish. “There’s nothing more attractive than having someone think you’re attractive. Unless they’re like facially-challenged or whatever. Sounds like he made some poxy move, dangled a carrot, and then when you were about to bite, hid the carrot, and now you want the carrot even more.”
“Er…I…er…what’s the carrot?”
“His penis,” Lottie interrupted and she and Amber burst out laughing again.
I didn’t laugh. I hadn’t thought about Guy’s penis before. It was weird, but I guess he must have one, tucked in his jeans the entire time. That must be strange, having one THERE all day, every day. I’d never really even thought about any penises before, I certainly hadn’t ever seen one. Apart from in diagrams. I assume Jane had seen Joel’s by now. And Lottie had certainly seen a few. Was I supposed to want men’s penises? Wouldn’t I just giggle? For the millionth time I wished I’d had a normal teenagehood so I could’ve encountered penises during drunken parties in people’s garages at the age I was still allowed to giggle at them. Now, I would have to act all mature around one…that is, if I ever got to see one… Would I have seen Guy’s if we hadn’t been interrupted? No, no way I would’ve let him.
Penises have diseases.
“Evie, you’re blushing,” Lottie teased, her face red from laughing.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Not.”
“Are.”
Amber interrupted. “I can’t keep up with you, Evie. First Ethan, then Oli, now Guy…you have a flaky heart. It’s like puff pastry.”
“Hey,” I said, hurt. “That’s not fair. Ethan was a sex maniac… Oli, well, you know what happened there, and, well, I don’t know what I feel for Guy yet.” I crossed my arms huffily. I wasn’t trying to be puff pastry, I just sort of wanted to date someone and have a boy think I was half-decent and not mad. That’s normal, right?
Amber raised a gingery eyebrow. “Calm down, Eves, people might start to think you really like him.”
I sighed. “I don’t know. How are you supposed to know. Why can’t God come down from the sky with a giant foam finger, point at some bloke, and say, “That one, Evie, you’re supposed to fall in love with that one. He’s not a douche, I checked for you.’”
“God,” Lottie turned around too, her head blocking the film, “…has more important stuff to do.”
I grinned wryly. “Oh yeah, like what?”
“Like mending the world.”
“Not doing a very good job, is he?”
She grinned too. “True, that’s why we need to help. By fighting inequality with our kick-ass spinster meetings…”
“True,” I said. I thought about Guy, again. “Do you think it’s all part of inequality’s plan? To mess us about lovewise so we’re too busy waiting for text messages to burn our bras and run for Prime Minister?”
“If that’s the case,” Amber said, “you two are playing right into inequality’s hands.”
I rolled my eyes at her. “Oh you, so noble. Just wait until you almost get kissed at a house party.”
Amber looked sad. “I should be so lucky.”
And we accidentally spent the rest of the time we had before mum kicked them out, trying to convince Amber she was pretty instead of fighting the patriarchy…
Twenty-five
Rose shuffled past my room as I cleared up afterwards.
“Why are you using antibacterial spray all over your bed?” she called over the threshold. I stopped spraying and looked up, blushing.
“I had friends over. They were eating biscuits on my bed.”