Merrick froze, clenching Arabella against him so tightly his fingertips hurt where they dug into her waist. “Never. My aunt is a spinster. She’s never even considered marriage.”
“It’s true. I’ve always known.”
Arabella turned in Merrick’s arms, loosening his grip in the process, and held her hand to his chest to comfort him. Beneath her palm, Merrick’s chest heaved. His eyes widened.
“Lies,” he whispered.
“I couldn’t tell you. No one knows about our connection.”
“She never married, and I’ve never heard mention of suitors. There is nothing in her manner to suggest she’d ever been disappointed in love. How could you be her son?”
Arabella glanced over her shoulder in time to see Holland bowed his head. “She will not speak of that time, but from what she has said, I can only conclude that the experience was not pleasant. A trick perhaps to gain her dowry and Rutherford’s favor?” Holland wrung his hands, eyes averted at his confession, and Arabella believed he was telling the truth.
Unfortunately, Merrick required more information to be convinced. “Go on.”
“She has expressed strong views on the evils of gentlemen who engage in affairs before they marry and the natural consequences of such. That is likely why she has been so hard on you. What I do know for a certainty is that my mother left Newberry Park for several years around the time of my birth, and when she returned her sister had married Father. They never got along, as you may recall.”
Merrick shook his head and released Arabella. When he paced away a few steps, Arabella held her breath. Such a situation made every difference to the revelation. If Lady Penelope had been forced and didn’t want to marry the fiend, then Arabella could understand Holland’s reluctance to mention the connection. Merrick’s father had been truly evil.
“Aunt Pen might have nursed an older relation through the last years of her life,” Merrick said at last. “But she never had a child. Rutherford would have disowned her.”
“It does seem unlikely that she managed to hide my birth from him, but she was his favorite out of all his children. I cannot explain that. What I remember most were many moments when she laughed and played with me. I must have been very young for that to have happened.
“When she left to return to Newberry Park, she placed me in the care of her maid and new husband. I was already known as the servant’s son to all who knew us and no one suspected subterfuge. But I remembered the truth and I cried for my real mother. Eventually, my new parents brought me to Essex and took up work in the tavern where we first met. I saw my mother but once a week when she came to the village. I was forbidden to call her mama except when no one could hear.”
“You should have been the earl,” Rothwell said suddenly, his posture stiffening at the idea.
Holland shook his head. “If that were so, then you would have been me; the bastard son of a man with absolutely no morals. Nothing would have changed his character even if he’d married my mother. He’d have taken his pleasure regardless with the same careless disregard as he has done. You may not be a saint where it comes to women, but you have been careful and kind to your lovers as he never was. She is proud of the man you’ve become, and will be even more so as soon as she realizes how deeply you care for Lady Farnsworth. I am proud of you, brother.”
Merrick stared into the shadows instead of looking at Holland. “You should have told me.”
Holland winced. “I could not. From the start you have suffered the weight of Father’s misdeeds very badly. When they told you I was likely his child and should be sent away to prevent any scandal, you cut all ties with the Fords. I couldn’t add another, worse, indiscretion to the burden. I kept the secret to protect you and my mother.”
Merrick growled suddenly and stalked off, leaving Arabella and Holland alone. Arabella wasn’t sure what to do or say, but when it became clear that Merrick might not return immediately, she smiled kindly at Holland. What a burden to bear in silence—caught between a brother and a mother, both of whom you love but who were at odds with one another, with no way to make it right again.
Holland sighed loudly and gestured to the house. “If you would be so good as to return to the house, my lady. I have a lot to do before I depart in the morning.”
Arabella approached and saw silvery tears slide unchecked down Holland’s cheeks. She patted his sleeve. “Shouldn’t you wait to see if he will change his mind?”
He smiled sadly. “I betrayed him. He has every right to be angry.”
“Did you confide in Lady Penelope about me?”
“No. Not intentionally.” He shook his head. “I have been thinking on my previous conversations with my mother. When she came to call on Merrick shortly after your arrival, she remarked that she hoped he hurried up and married, preferably to someone pure of heart.”
“Pure of heart?” Arabella stared in astonishment. She’d never label herself that way. “Why ever would she think that meant I was there?”
“You must know my mother thinks very well of you. She never wastes her breath on someone she finds fault with. Merrick is not wrong about my mother’s meddling tendencies.” He pressed his lips together briefly, as if choosing his next words carefully. “She is an extremely observant woman and possesses a keen eye for inconsistencies in behavior. I must have glanced up at the ceiling and not known I’d done so. I would advise you never to play cards against her.”
“Thank you for the warning.”
“Please believe me, Lady Farnsworth, I never intentionally said anything about your presence. I should have been even more guarded than I usually am around her, a mistake I do regret very much. He turned his back on his family because of me. Since then I have tried my best to look out for him.”
Arabella squeezed his arm to offer what comfort she could. Surely Merrick would change his mind. If he didn’t, Arabella would talk to him about it herself and force him to at least reconsider. “Where will you go?”
“I’ve no idea, but I will think of something eventually.” Holland gestured to the house. “Please, he would not like you left alone out of doors tonight after all that has happened. As I am sure you’ve discovered, he’s very protective of those he loves.”
CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
Merrick poured himself a drink to steady his conflicting emotions and drained it in one gulp. Although Arabella and his half brother had not realized he was there, he had lingered and heard their whole conversation. Despite the betrayal, he was concerned for Holland’s future and where he might end up. His older brother had been with him since he’d come of age. They were friends as well as family.
“There you are, Rothwell. I was just about to come searching for you,” Grayling grumbled and he drew close. “Rosemary would like to return home. The children are half asleep and wanting their beds.”
“I’m sorry. I had a few matters on my mind.”
“Well, I am not surprised.” Gray leaned against the sideboard. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He glanced toward the entrance hall where Lady Grayling, the children, and Aunt Pen and Arabella had gathered, saying their farewells. Gray’s carriage must have been called while his mind was elsewhere. The girls were leaning heavily against their stepmother and grumbling to her. Any moment there could be tears. He knew Grayling’s daughters well enough to know sleep was what they needed.
Aunt Pen appeared as she always did—aloof and unimpressed by the tired children’s interruptions. He would never be able to tell she’d ever been a mother and had harbored such a secret all these years. He could barely believe his aunt was Holland’s mother, or anyone’s, for that matter. It was unfathomable that his half brother would make up such an outlandish and potentially damaging story if it were not true. Holland worried just as much for the family’s reputation as he did—if not more at times.