“I knew you were with her. I went looking for you. I had had enough.” She ran her fingers through her hair.
He stared at her in horror.
“I wasn’t careful. I should have just left you. Instead I drove like a maniac and killed my baby.” Tears ran down her face as she stared directly at him now. “How do I come to terms with that? How can I?”
Joseph stood frozen to the spot. He had never suspected that she knew before and it hurt him to see the truth of his mistake play itself over and over again. The affair had been the biggest mistake of his life and only now did he realize that it had probably cost him his wife; most definitely it had cost them their child. “We can fix…”
“There is noting to fix. It can’t be fixed. I don’t love you. I don’t want to hurt anymore Joseph. I need some peace. I want to close my eyes and not dream anymore. I want a new life…”
“Without me…” he finished saying for her.
“Yes.”
She left the room leaving him without words staring at the door.
Gabriella walked out into the hallway feeling empty and yet a great relief came over her. It was all out; it had finally been voiced. Gabriella knew where she wanted to go. How would Blayne react to her coming to her? She opted to take a chance; she was through running. The only time she felt peace these days was in Blayne’s arms.
Gabriella walked into Blayne’s room without knocking. The truth was she didn’t want to take the chance of being turned away. She was surprised to find the room empty. Gabriella sat on the bed for awhile then got up and began walking around the room. Suddenly she noticed things she had not before. The photos on a nearby bureau were the first to catch her eye.
Gabriella walked closer and noticed how neat and in order it all was. They were prize photos. Blayne looked very serious and a little too stiff she thought. They were all photos of some award being presented or another. She looked around the room and noticed the austerness of all that surrounded her. This was a place she slept in, it was not home. What had Blayne said to her? This was a place she stayed in but home was in her house by the sea.
Gabriella lay down and closed her eyes trying to imagine what home to Blayne was as she drifted off to sleep.
A few hours later a loud bang woke her up. She sat up rubbing her eyes and came face to face with a very angry woman staring at her from the door.
“Get out!” Blayne spat at Gabriella as she walked into the bathroom.
A few minutes later Blayne walked out with a robe on and stopped abruptly when she saw that Gabriella was still there. “I’m too tired to fuck you; get out Gabriella.
“Blayne…” her eyes pleaded for understanding.
“Don’t you have any shame?” Blayne asked in disgust.
“No, not were you are concerned. I love you.” Gabriella said as she got up.
“You don’t know what love is. Go take care of your daughter who is miserable and leave me alone.”
“What about Elle?” Gabriella asked, the concern obvious in her face.
“She's scared to death of high school. She’s only thirteen why are you pushing her so hard?”
“I didn’t realize…I thought…” Gabriella seemed to drift off in thought.
“You thought? Try asking her once in a while.” Blayne said angrily. “You have no clue how frightening the world is to her right now.”
Gabriella looked up into her eyes in distress. She realized at that moment that she had been so wrapped up in her own life that she had not seen just how unhappy Elle was. Her eyes began to fill with tears as she saw just how much she had also failed her daughter.
Blayne told herself she was not going to get pulled in by those eyes again.
Blayne walked towards the door and opened it. “Get out.”
“I don’t want to go. Please, come here.”
Blayne slammed the door and was in front of her almost as if she had flown. She grabbed Gabriella by the hair and pulled her head back as she roughly pulled her body towards her. “Is this what you want?”
Gabriella tried pulling away.
“Oh no you don’t.” Blayne pulled her head towards her and took her mouth. “This is what you deserve.”
Gabriella noticed the smell of liquor on her breath. “Stop it you’re drunk.”
Blayne then pushed her away so hard that Gabriella slammed into the wall and stared in fear at Blayne.
“Yes I’m drunk. I’m drunk on my own blood. It’s the only way I can stand you!”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Don’t I? You opened my eyes little sister. I have found that I like a lot of things.” She smiled wickedly. “With you I began my education….” She said walking towards Gabriella again. “Shall I show you what I learned tonight?”
Gabriella stared in confusion. “What you learned tonight?”
“Did you think I would wait for you forever?” Blayne taunted her.
Gabriella suddenly understood and the shock began to show. “No.” she uttered softly as she shook her head. She didn’t want to know; she didn’t want to hear that someone else had touched Blayne’s body, kissed her, made love to her, the mere thought of it was cutting her to pieces.
Blayne smiled and nodded. She was glad that Gabriella was hurting. Why shouldn't she hurt? “Smell me… can you smell another woman on me little sister? Can you imagine were she touched me, how I fucked her?”
“No!” Gabriella through herself at Blayne and was caught in a tight embrace as she tried to strike her over and over again.
“I’m going to give you what you came for.” Blayne growled and began kissing her hard until she began to taste blood in her mouth. Blayne’s hands were rough and demanding.
“I love you. I love you.” Gabriella wept and as much as she had fought Blayne before now she clung to her as her body shook with her weeping. “Oh god I love you.”
Blayne pulled at her clothes trying to stay angry. She didn’t want to love Gabriella; loving her hurt more than breathing. She was dying; the fever that needing Gabriella produced in her was killing her. She didn’t want to hear; the sobbing of the woman she loved was tearing her apart.
“I love you…” Gabriella’s voice broke her heart.
Finally, she pulled Gabriella to her in a tight embrace as they both fell to the floor against the bed and she held her fiercely as her own tears began. She couldn’t, she didn’t want to fight her need for Gabriella any longer.
Gabriella looked up and met the eyes that had captivated her and taken her prisoner from the very first moment in what seemed like a lifetime ago. Blayne was about to speak when Gabriella kissed her before she could. Gabriella kissed her wantonly as her tears continued. She wept as she made love to Blayne. Her tears were of sadness, need, joy, passion and the inevitability of knowing that no matter what; Blayne was something she needed to survive.
They made love slowly and between tears and caresses they both reached something within that had not been touched before. Their passionate surrender ultimately had been gentle and most of all a giving of the self to one another. The pain had blown the doors that had been shut long ago wide open. They were both exposed, both needing and clinging to one another.
They lay on the bed much later holding one another without speaking. Blayne almost felt the moment Gabriella began to weep anew; she pulled the woman she loved tighter to her as she whispered in her ear. “I didn’t sleep with her.”
“Thank god.” Gabriella let out a loud sob that spoke of the pain her soul had been feeling as she buried her face in Blayne’s neck. Her body shook with the crying. She kissed Blayne’s face and neck as she clung to her in desperation. Gabriella had never imagined that something could hurt as much as when she thought Blayne had given herself to another. “Thank god.” Gabriella said softly as she kissed her lightly on the lips.