“Jalav, I have had a thought,” said Gimin from where she lay. “The High Seat will not be pleased by the manner in which we greet the Silla. Think you his anger shall reach out to the war leader alone, as once before? That would be an unfair burden upon you.”
A sudden breeze blew my hair about my thighs, and I brushed it back before shrugging. “There is no knowing, Gimin,” said I, “yet have I little care for the anger of males. Should they so dislike the doings of Hosta, they may release us and have done with it for all time. Hosta have ever been free, and I, for one, will retain my freedom even in captivity.”
“It is difficult for one to be free beneath the lash,” said Fayan, sitting straight once more so that she might look down upon me. “Thus far has Ceralt kept you from it, yet the patience of Galiose runs thin in these times. The Hosta have given over darkness roving so that they might prepare themselves for the Silla, yet our attack may well bring the lashing Galiose promised in revenge for the roving. Think you Ceralt shall once again find himself able to dissuade the High Seat from his purpose?”
“Do not speak of that male to me!” I spat, raising myself, too, from the grass. “Should the hunter Ceralt be taken by Mida before my eyes, I would do naught save laugh! The battle will soon be upon us, Hosta! Have you no means by which to prepare for it save by chatter about males?”
My warriors appeared shame-faced and subdued before the anger of their war leader, though Fayan looked at me strangely. Fayan had found revenge for what had been done to her by Nidisar, and I was unable to revenge myself upon Ceralt in a like manner. The male had used the darknesses of the past two feyd to fill me well with his seed, and had refused to hear why I wished to remain as I was. Jalav will no longer be war leader to the Hosta, he had said, therefore might Jalav now be given a child to bear. The first of many, he had said, and then had he forced his way within me, using the accursed strength of males to overcome my denial. Deep pleasure had I found in the past through the touch of Ceralt, yet little pleasure had been granted me of late. No word would I again address to Ceralt, though he as yet was unaware of that. Much concerned had he been with the discussions in the dwelling of Galiose, and had returned to his own dwelling only for sleep and the use of Jalav.
“The nilno seem nearly done,” said Gimin, her eyes upon the hand of nilno aroast upon the fire beyond the platforms of provender. “Surely the time will not be long before the Silla are brought. Think you they have chosen a war leader to stand for Zolin, Jalav?”
“Undoubtedly Zolin left one to direct matters in her absence,” said I, again smoothing down my hair. “Though the Silla know not yet that Zolin has been bested, they shall still be led by a war leader. Would that her blood, too, might cover my sword as Zolin’s did upon that fey long past.”
My warriors made no answer to my words, for no sword had any of us to wield. The males of Ranistard had taken all from us, as they would have taken all from the Silla before approaching the city with them. In truth, I felt less loathing toward the Silla than for Ceralt, since the Silla had not betrayed me as Ceralt had. My freedom and pride had Ceralt taken, my will and desires ignored by him, and then had he caused me to feel such things that a warrior was not meant to feel. Having nearly destroyed me as a warrior, he had then betrayed those feelings he had caused within me, giving me shame for ever having felt them. Once had I delighted in the feel of the male’s arms about me, once had his lips been the sweetest of touches, once had I longed for the gentleness of his presence. Not again would desire for those things come to me.
The sound of a kan’s hooves upon the broad way caused my warriors to turn, and they and I beheld the hasty arrival of a male in the leather and metal of Galiose. The male drew rein before the large, pink-stone dwelling of the High Seat, then jumped from his mount and climbed the steps rapidly, to disappear within the entrance to the dwelling. The large grin upon his face spoke of the arrival of the Silla, for the males of Ranistard were sorely in need of females to tend them. Few females had there been left by cause of the doings of the traitor Vistren, therefore had the males decided to replace the lost with captured Hosta and Silla. The Silla, through dealing with Vistren, had hoped for the trade of their Crystal for many male slaves to serve them. With the death of Vistren had gone their hopes, and soon would they be urged with leather to tend to the needs of males they had wished for slaves. No less had the Silla earned by their actions; yet the Hosta had not done as they. The Hosta had displeased Mida with their failure to recover her Crystals, therefore were the Hosta held as well. Perhaps the coming battle might in some measure ease the wrath of Mida, so that her Hosta might be forgiven their failure. Could I but raise the host of Midanna from beyond the Dennin to face the coming strangers, surely would I also find a means to return the Crystals to their rightful place. The Hosta would then be free to return to their own lands, where naught of males might touch their lives with pain.
An ache again ran through my middle, and I wrapped my arms about myself and willed the pain to be gone, for soon I would need all my strength. No sound did I make against the pain, yet Fayan saw and frowned.
“Jalav, I fear the pain comes more often to you than previous,” she said, her hand upon my shoulder. “Perhaps it is unwise to continue with the dabla leaves in the presence of the potion. Can naught of council be gotten from Phanisar upon the matter?”
I forced a breath of air through my lungs, and then looked upon Fayan bleakly. “Phanisar is male, and moves in the cause of another male,” I rasped. “As the warrior Fayan should know. Perhaps the warrior Fayan becomes too concerned with males and their aid. Has she yet decided upon a time when her war leader may have use of her slave, as was previously promised?”
Fayan’s hand left my shoulder, and her gold-maned head rose high. “The war leader may have use of Nidisar whenever she chooses,” she answered, her dark eyes unblinkingly upon me. “Yet do I feel that Jalav seeks not to punish Nidisar for his treatment of her while she lay chained as a slave, but seeks instead to cause hurt to another. Has he touched you so deeply, Jalav, that you are no longer able to speak as one sister should to another?”
Fayan did naught to betray her hurt, yet was I able to see its presence in her eyes. Of all my warriors had Fayan been the truest, and no cause had there been for me to speak to her as I had. My head lowered in silence, and one hand left the ache in my middle to cover my eyes, so that I might not look upon the shame I had brought to myself. Again her hand came to my shoulder, and her words were soft and concerned.
“Jalav, I do not care to see you so,” she said, though I looked not upon her. “I feel certain the potion has done you an illness which was not meant to be. Speak with Phanisar and question him upon the matter.”
“I cannot,” I whispered, shaking my head. “Should he learn that I have again chewed dabla leaves, the other, too, would know. The pain shall soon pass and leave me free once more.”
A short silence was there, and then Fayan grasped my shoulders. “Jalav, can you not even speak his name?” she demanded. “What has he done that burns so within you? Many times has Ceralt kept you from the wrath of the High Seat, to his own jeopardy! That he cares for you may easily be seen by . . . . ”
“He has betrayed me!” I snarled, disallowing the balance of her words as I brushed her hands from me. “The male uses me in all things, forever an item of trade! The pain—!” My words, too, ended abruptly, for no wish had I to discuss my pain. I looked again upon Fayan, and then rose to my feet. “Soon shall the Silla be among us, sister. Let us make ready.”