At this moment, Brooke had a bashful smile on her face while DJ just grinned mischievously. And as we watched, DJ gave her friend a not-so-subtle shove in the back, which caused Brooke to stumble forward so that Andrew caught her against his right side.
Reflexively, Andrew cinched his arm around Brooke’s waist and looked down at her, while my sister looked up at the handsome but shy boy with a pleasant expression on her face.
“They look cute together, don’t they,” I commented softly.
Dawn glanced over and shrugged. “I suppose.” Presently, Brooke stood herself up straighter and glared at DJ. Andrew immediately retracted his arms as if he was about to get in trouble for daring to touch Brooke. And DJ just laughed off the whole scene.
Dawn and I hadn’t stopped walking this entire time and we were soon carried beyond the group of younger teens. We said little to each other on the short hike up to the ridge. I was lost in my own thoughts and Dawn, seeming to sense my disquiet, didn’t intrude.
I was thankful for that. There were times when I wanted to talk things out and there were times when I just wanted a little solitude. For years, Dawn always seemed to know when to do which, and now she gave me the best of both worlds by leaving me alone and yet also squeezing my hand to remind me she was there for me.
Dawn and I were early enough that we got one of the best spots, a man-made wooden bench that provided comfortable seating for four. Two spots were already taken by an older couple but Dawn and I got the others.
As the sun slowly descended out of the sky, I found my mind wandering into further ruminations on the nature of sex, love, and relationships. All three were interconnected and yet separate. You could easily have one or two of the three without the others. I’d had sex and a relationship without real love for Megan, at least at first. I’d also had sex with girls like Donna Kincaid without love OR a relationship.
The ideal, of course, would be all three. I had it with Dawn, and my life was enriched so much the better because of it. Didn’t Brooke deserve the same? Yeah, Brandi and I had our short affair. We had the sex and I did love my sister. But a relationship just wasn’t possible.
But just because it worked for Brandi didn’t mean it was right for Brooke. Brandi had been older and experienced and had gone off to college none the worse for wear because of what we’d done. I didn’t necessarily know if things would go so well with Brooke. This was her virginity. Maybe I was overhyping the damn thing, but didn’t Brooke deserve her first experience to be with someone who could give her all three: sex, love, AND a relationship?
As if on cue, Brooke ascended up onto the ridgeline. She saw us and smiled, and then a second later Andrew Hemingway followed after her. The boy clearly looked at Brooke adoringly, filled with all the passion and attentive focus of a teenager infatuated with a pretty girl. When Brooke looked around and moved towards a flat set of rocks often used as a seat, Andrew willingly trailed along.
DJ came up next, grinning at Dawn and me while nodding her head back towards Brooke and her “date”. Dawn smiled as well and squeezed my hand. I suppose all girls feel little butterflies in their stomachs when they see another lovey-dovey couple, but all I could feel was bitterness.
It was selfish, I know. I’d gotten blowjobs and eaten Brooke out and roved my lips and fingers all over her body. After days of being offered my little sister’s body I’d come to accept it as only a matter of time before Brooke worked up the nerve to go through with penetrative sex. My conscience was questioning our actions every step of the way, but my brain had determined it would happen sometime or another. And for some reason I felt like I would be cheated if, in the end, I didn’t get to bone my little sister. But I took a deep breath and flushed the evil thoughts from my mind. It was okay. I would be okay with this.
Brooke deserved to find love outside of her family. We’d shared some pleasure together, but she could take that final step with someone who actually could give her all three things she needed, including the relationship. And just when I looked over at the budding teenage couple, Andrew leaned in and gave Brooke another soft kiss on the cheek. The two were completely ignoring the setting sun.
I sighed. “I’m happy for her,” I said softly.
Dawn turned and looked at me intently for a moment. “You sure?”
I glanced over again, where Brooke was smiling and watching her fingers intertwine in Andrew’s hands. She looked radiantly happy, in a romantic way that she could never look at me. I sighed. I’d come so close to making love to my little sister, but it was never going to happen. But I was okay with that. Sex was not a requirement in our relationship. I loved her. And I would always love her. She was my little sister.
“Yeah. I am,” I finally said firmly, with no trace of jealousy. I smiled at my girlfriend, who smiled back and squeezed my hand, leaning against me and giving me a short peck on my shoulder.
“Don’t worry Ben. We’ll sneak away and I’ll cheer you up tonight,” Dawn said encouragingly.
I let a wider expression of happiness come to my face. The love of my life wanted to cheer me up, and that knowledge in and of itself did wonders for my spirits. I wrapped my arms around Dawn, looked off over the ridge, and together, we watched the last of the sun’s rays disappear over the horizon.
After the brief cold snap of a few nights before, the evening weather had returned to summer warmth and it was still quite comfortable even as the sky rapidly darkened. And once the sun was gone, the camp routine on the ridge began.
Most of the people up there were romantic couples. Almost as soon as the sun was down, the middle-aged and older couples left to start their hike back before it got dark enough to make the trek dangerous. But the younger couples almost always stuck around and quietly got into their makeout sessions.
To our left, a few twenty-somethings were trying to inhale each other’s tongues. To the right, some older teens were necking slowly. I didn’t want to look over at Brooke and Andrew. So I turned and started kissing Dawn with sweet, tender passion.
But then Dawn pulled away abruptly and we both looked up to see DJ staring down at us. “What’s up? Feeling left out?” Dawn asked her little sister.
DJ shrugged. “Actually, I’m supposed to walk back down with you.”
I felt a bit of my good mood sinking. Brooke and Andrew were looking to be left alone to make out, so DJ was stuck being a third wheel and was going to tag along with me and Dawn as we returned to camp. I wanted to be happy for my sister hooking up with Andrew, but I still couldn’t shake the mild disappointment inside of me. “Yeah, we’ll go with you.”
“Actually,” DJ interrupted in a quiet voice. “Brooke wants to talk to Ben. She’s telling Andrew that right now.” We all turned to see Andrew nodding his head slowly while Brooke made some hand motions with an apologetic look on her face. To his credit, Andrew didn’t look disappointed. He kissed Brooke’s cheek and then came over to us.
DJ gave Andrew a tight smile, Dawn squeezed my hand one more time, and then the three of them headed for the trailhead. I think Andrew was just as amazed to be hiking back with Dawn and DJ as he was hanging out with Brooke.
The twenty-something couple got up then, giggling all the while. And hand-in-hand they hurried for the trailhead themselves, no doubt eager to find somewhere more private to get naked with each other. Meanwhile, Brooke stood up and came over to join me on the bench. I sighed and readied myself for her apologies.
“Hi, Ben,” Brooke began.
“Hey,” I put a smile on my face. “Andrew seems like a nice guy.”
“Oh, he IS. He’s so sweet and considerate and bashful. But then he’s confident enough to move in and kiss my cheek, willing to take that chance. And he’s really smart.”