'Shapeless and awkward, said Douglas. 'Precisely. We must not expect our lives to have a visible shape. They are invisibly shaped by God. Goodness accepts the contingent. Love accepts the contingent. Nothing is more fatal to love than to want everything to have form.
'Randall wants everything to have form, said Ann. 'But then he's an artist.
'He is a man before he is an artist, said Douglas with magisterial severity.
Ann felt she could not stand much more of this discussion. She hated this sense of their cornering Randall. She said. 'I must get on with my work, and began to rise.
Douglas Swann detained her. He inclined his smooth face towards her, drawing his chin back over his clerical collar and opening a little wider his dark brown eyes which were let with such startling immediacy into the sweep of his cheek. He said, 'Ann, you do pray, don't you?
Ann said almost furiously, 'Yes, of course. I pray every night that Randall will come back. Then she burst into wild tears.
'There, my child, my child, murmured Swann. They had both risen. He spoke with a sense of achievement, as of one who has brought a difficult piece of navigation to a successful conclusion. He began to draw the sobbing Ann to rest against his shoulder.
The drawing-room door opened abruptly to admit Mildred Finch. 'Dear me! said Mildred.
The next moment Ann was searching her pockets for a handkerchief and Douglas Swann was coughing and dusting down his coat.
'Oh, Mildred —’ said Ann. She found the handkerchief. All her face, as she rubbed it, seemed to be wet with tears. It is astonishing how many tears can flow in an instant. The instant in any case was over and she dried her face and smoothed her hair back behind her ears.
Mildred came round the edge of the semicircle of dolls and said, 'There, my dear; don't take on. She cast a hostile glance at Swann who was standing a few paces away and looking anxiously at Ann.
Ann, who was fairly composed now, said, 'I'm so glad to see you» and blew her nose. 'I don't know why I broke down so stupidly. I've been quite cheerful.
Mildred looked sceptical, and then set her feet apart in a patient yet stubborn pose which indicated with brutal clarity that she was waiting for Swann to go.
Swann said to Ann in a voice of significant tenderness. 'Are you all right now?
Mildred said, 'Of course she's not all right! Then she added conversationally, 'I've just walked up from the village. It looks quite like rain now. Fortunately I've got my umbrella.
Swann looked at— Ann for another moment. Ann said, 'I'm fine.
Thank you for being so kind, Douglas. Swann patted her lightly on the shoulder, smiled and nodded to Mildred, murmured something about having to get back and left the room.
'Well, that's got rid of him, said Mildred.
Ann sat down. The outburst of tears had exhausted her. She was glad to see Mildred, yet she felt a strange alarm too at the sight of her, as if her old friend were becoming, in some inadmissible way, a rather too significant, rather too menacing object.
She said, 'Do take your coat off and stop looking as if you were going directly. You'll stay to lunch?
'That depends, said Mildred. 'And I'll keep my coat on, I'm frozen. I can't think why you don't have a fire. There, I told you so, it's raining.
Ann looked out. The sun had gone in, and with one of those sudden tricks of the English summer the garden was windswept and the grass and trees darkened and dripping. Ann realized that she felt cold too. She said, instantly overcome by a sense of the meaninglessness of it all, 'oh God, I'm so tired —’
'You need a holiday, said Mildred. She stood there still, feet apart, umbrella under Ann, hands in the pockets of her blue check tweed coat, her light sandy grey hair jumbled about her kindly face which had softened rather than wrinkled with the approach of age.
'A holiday» Ann laughed a little harshly.
'Why not? This place could go on. Bowshott could run it.
'No he couldn't, said Ann. 'Never mind. It doesn't matter. She seemed to be saying that all the time now.
'I suppose there's no news from the deplorable Randall?
'No.
'I suppose he's going to settle down with the Rimmer girl?
'With who?
'Oh Lord! said Mildred. 'Have I put my foot in it? You didn't know he was having a terrific affair with Lindsay Rimmer, you know, Emma Sands' companion?
Ann got up and pushed her handkerchief into the sleeve of her jersey. She had an immediate impression that Mildred knew very well what she was doing. She said abruptly, 'I assumed he was having an affair with somebody. I didn't know who it was. And honestly I don't care much.
'Nonsense, child, said Mildred, after regarding her for a moment. 'Of course you care. But I'm glad that you seem to have written Randall off.
'I haven't written him off. It's just that I'm not curious about the details. He'll come back. Ann spoke jerkily, her voice getting lower and hoarser like someone reciting a confession.
Mildred spoke more softly and lightly now, as if managing a transition from a spoken to a sung litany. 'I don't think he'll come back, my dear.
'Yes, he will, said Ann. She didn't want to cry again. 'Let's go to the kitchen. It's warmer, and we can have some coffee.
'And Randall is a brute, said Mildred. 'Let us call things by their names. A brute and a cad.
'Stop it, Mildred, will you? Let's go to the kitchen. How did you get here, by the way? You said you walked from the village.
'Felix brought me, said Mildred. Her tone was bleak and provocative.
Ann said, 'oh.
When she said no more, Mildred pursued, 'Yes, he's gone to Maidstone to pick up some new blades for the lawnmower. It's so useful having him at Seton Blaise. He's renovated all the machines. — He's so mechanical.
'How will you get back?
'Oh, he's coming back in an hour. I told him to look for me at the pub, or if he didn't see me there to come on up here. You might ask both of us to lunch. Or we might carry you over to Seton Blaise. Why not come and stay for a day or two and be looked after?
Ann rubbed her mouth with her hand and pushed her hair back again. The front of her mind was composed, but in the far background there was a sense of foundering, of confused panic and flight. She said, 'I'm so sorry. I think now that I really ought to go over to Clare's for lunch. I've kept putting her off. She wants to discuss the flower-arrangement competition.
.'But you invited me to lunch!
'Yes, but I'd forgotten Clare. I'm awfully sorry. It would be a bit difficult.
'Well, come to Seton Blaise tomorrow then? Felix could come and fetch you any time in the Mercedes.
'I can't, said Ann. 'I'd love to, but I must keep things going here. It's an awfully important time of year. I must do the catalogue. There's a whole lot to be added to the proofs. We're putting some new things from Germany on the market and I've got to do descriptions and get photographs and so on. But thanks! Have some coffee before you go?
Mildred just looked at her and said. 'Ann, Ann, Ann, Ann!